3 Million Hits Early last week the Yorkshire Soul Blog recorded its 3 millionth hit, if it was you then I'm sorry there wasn't a prize or anything, I'm just not that organised.

The Transformative Effects of Marriage on the Y-chromosome Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress,are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet again..... The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night long. The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night. The married one then said: 'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?' (thanks to Jan)

The blogger as a young boozer, this must have been taken at some kind of Spanish banquet when we were on a family holiday. I got a taste for paella as a kid and I'd pester Mum and Dad to go for paella until they eventually gave in. My little sister seemed to exist on white bread, chips and ice cream when we were abroad, yet she's anything but a fussy eater now.

My little sister Elizabeth (aka Squirt) and myself, isn't she pretty, and her daughter Ellie is the spitting image of Liz at this age. I don't have a date for this one, it's the early 70's though.

"Michael - 5 1/2 Weeks"

This is Dad and me in the garden at Holme Grove where my parents had a home before they moved to the Red Lion in 1969. My Mum used to write notes on the back of all the family photo's, this reads - "Easter Sunday 1968, Michael has just woken up."

Vote Green "My family and I simply love living in Ilkley as I am sure you do too, however there are important issues facing us all. Issues such as school places, affordable housing, questionable redevelopement of fine buildings and gardens, the management of the moor, , over use of the car and under use of public transport, strains on local shops and business...the list continues. I feel that it is time to view these matters through a fresh, contemporary, ecological and sustainable lens. We know now more than ever how much our actions and behaviours affect not only our environment but also our lives and the lives of future genrations here in Ilkley and around the world. There are many ways in which we can individually or as a family change our impact but I hope that with a vote for the Green Party we can help to re-examine existing local policies and structures. I am passionate about our town and its influences elsewhere and I am very willing to listen, learn and work for you so that Ilkley remains a wonderful place to live and visit" - Bryan Websdale, Green Party Candidate, Ilkley Ward.

"Biodiesel is a complete scam - the growing demand is causing forests to be burnt to make way for palm oil and similar crops. The land will need to grow biodiesel crops fo 70-300 years to compensate for the CO2 emitted in forest destruction" - Roland Clift, Professor of Environmental Technology, UK Government Advisor.

A Tale Of Two Hobbits (Yorkshiresoul in "not whinging" shock) Mexican film director Guillermo del Toro seems to be the man that is going to make not just one, but two films of Tolkein's The Hobbit. Del Toro directed the excellent El Laberinto Del Fauno, a dark and sinister fantasy tale set during the Spanish Civil War, and I think his style may suit The Hobbit very well, the book when translated to film could use some darker tones to make it a bit more adult orientated. Ian McKellan has said on his own blog that he is going to play Gandalf again, I think all LOTR fans will hope that Andy Serkis will play Gollum. What about the Dwarves though ? Do we have an abundance of short actors ? The two films have provisional release dates of 2010 and 2011, patience patience.

French President or Black Sabbath Singer ? Oh dear, it's the old milk crate behind the mic stand gag for French midget Nicolas Sarkozy as he gets the Ronnie James Dio treatment.

Album Review : Market Harbour - Ginger**** For Fans Of - The Wildhearts, John Lennon, So what do you do when the doctor tells you that you've got to clean up your act or die ? In Ginger's case it appears that new found sobriety has turned the Wildhearts frontman into the most productive bloke in rock. He now has his own record label, the past year has seen new albums from Ginger and The Wildhearts, tours, a dvd recording, numerous contributions to various side projects and other Wildhearts associated projects (God Damn Whores etc) and this year we are being promised two Wildhearts albums as well as this solo project. Just imagine if Ginger and the boys hadn't smoked / drunk / sniffed / injected their earlier career into oblivion ? What a legacy this man would be leaving. Enough dwelling on the past though because this is the best, most accomplished solo album that Ginger has released so far. I suppose Ginger has always been a prolific writer, the amount of "b-sides" and various studio tracks which were uncovered to provide material for contract fulfilling album releases testifies to that, and on Market Harbour ginger gives us 21 tracks, they're not all full length songs mind, so I'd not quite call this a double album. Ginger's solo style has mellowed a little since last year's Yoni, Market Harbour doesn't contain much in the way of mosh inducing, foot stomping anthems a la The Wildhearts (although Josser Bank and Attentionette are good and lively), but is does hold a lot of very good music. MH shows Ginger in a more thoughtful, more introspective, more adult mode than he has shown in the past. Songs like Casino Bay, House Of Moths and How Hard Can You Make It are Ginger at his most reflective, his lyrics dwelling on lost loves and possibilities. There is some fabulous songwriting here, almost Lennon-esque in places. Ginger has a muscial sense of humour and displays his broad muscial tastes when blending In My Room (The Beach Boys) to the end of I Knew You (An Amnesis) whch follows from the riotous Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy mash up on Yoni, which is then followed by the quirky and charming You And Me (That's What I Want) with its child sung chorus. Couple Trouble is to and bit minutes of Ginger singing, or is that John Lennon again, with a doo wop chorus, A Malibu Chronicle is just a wonderful AOR rock song, fantastic. I think that Market Harbour stands well above all of Ginger's previous solo releases, this third album (or 4th if you count the singles collection A Break In The Weather) is a fine album, it is beatifully written, played and sung. I will admit that it took me quite a few listens to really appreciate Market Harbour, but it is an album well worth persevering with, it is an album with rewarding depth, maturity and richness.

Teenage Rock Star My Dad has been going through all his old photos and he's given me a box of memories, I've been sat going through them this afternoon, laughing at many, one or two bringing a tear to the eye. I'll put a few of the more comic ones up on the blog, but here's a teaser, Yorkshire Soul the teenage rock star. Note the Nike t-shirt, I wouldn't be seen dead in that now, the bandana's quite fetching though.

Cycling In The Dark = Suicide Last week as I was taking some of the staff home we saw a rather astonishing, or a rather incredibly stupid sight on Denton Road. At past ten o'clock in the evening a group of cyclists were meandering along the road. A car driver in front of me had pulled over and was having a word with them, there was a frank exchange of views and I agreed totally with the car driver. The reason for the argument wasn't the usual corner cutting or ignoring of red lights that many cyclists around Ilkley do, but these guys were two abreast, in the dark, with no lights at all. I'd seen the brake lights of the car that had stopped them before I realised that there was a group of cyclists behind him. They were not kids either, these were all adult men and really should have known better. I really don't understand some people, living on Nesfield Road I often see cars careering along at speeds which are far in excess of what is safe on a very narrow road. Looking at how some folk drive, why on earth would you think that cycling with no lights in the dark is a good or safe (or legal ?) idea ? While I am having a moan, the red light issue, why do cylists think that traffic lights don't apply to them ? And those white lines on the road at junctions ? You're not supposed to cross them when turning in to a road, so the cyclist that gave me the finger two weeks ago because he had to make a sharp adjustment in his course as I approached the junction should note that..... a) I was indicating and you were not. b) I remained inside the lines whilst approaching the junction whereas you came over the central white line onto my side of the road so you didn't have to slow down. c) If we do collide, it's not me who is going to be picking my teeth out of my radiator grill.

Damn That CCTV Yorksire Soul caught on camera on a night out.

Learn To Cook With Gordon Fucking Ramsey (thanks to Wosser)

Yorkshire Rout Hampshire The Tykes coasted to an innings and 27 run victory over Hampshire, you really couldn't ask for a better start to the county season, and with Morkel and injured captain Gough still to come in to the team we seem to have the welcome problem of having too many good players to choose from.

Will Somebody Please Buy Guy Ritchie A Dictionary ? Because then he can look up the meaning of hypocrisy. Ritchie was moaning to the press this week about the price of housing in the UK and said it was hard to buy a decent property in Central London "unless you've got 10 million quid." He further complained that British people were being priced out of the property market by "big money" foreigners. Luckily, Ritchie and his missus have considerably more than 10 million quid, as a quick glance through their property portfolio shows...... Two Marylebone townhouses valued at £7m and £6m Two Marylebone mews cottages valued at around 900,000 each. Two properties valued at £3.6m and £1.5m which are used by the red string wearing mockney religion Kabbalah. A vast estate and home in Wiltshire valued at £9m. Plus other properties abroad. Do you see what the housing problem in the UK is Mr. Ritchie ? It's you. It is uber rich dorks like you that buy several homes each. Pot - kettle - hypocrisy, and when it comes to "big money" foreigners buying homes, just remind me where your wife comes from ?

Hoggy Hammers Hampshire Tyke fast bowler Matthew Hoggard made a steady 19 runs as Yorkshire fell just two runs short of making 400, but then ripped through Hampshire's top order taking all five wickets to fall. I think he might be a bit annoyed at being dropped from the England squad, but as long as he performs like this for GOC, who cares ? Yorkshire's top order had looked a bit dodgy, England Captain Michael Vaughaun struggled yet again, McGrath and Sayers contributed little but a fine century from young Andrew Gale set the tone for a decent total. Yorkshire CCC

We Do Not Forget Today in Australia, New Zealand and Turkey it is ANZAC Day, when those countries hold services of remembrance for the soldiers who fought and died for king and country in all wars but especially for those who died in the disastrous Gallipoli landings of 115. They shall grow not old, As we that are left grow old, Age shall not weary them, Nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun, And in the morning We will remember them. Lest we Forget ANZAC Day coverage on The Age Online

My Bird Table Big visitors to the bird table this morning, our resident Pheasant has found himself a small harem of females. Just a couple of feet away from the pheasants a male Chaffinch seeks to pick up a seed or two. And waiting a little further away one of a pair of Coal Tits won't approach until the bigger birds have moved away.

Woo ! Cavalera Conspiracy To Tour UK ! "The wait is over......the long awaited reunion of Max and Iggor of the legendary Sepultura" Tuesday 17th June - London Astoria And that's it. That's not a tour lads. Thanks a bunch.

Spider Says......

Get Motivated Oh that made me laugh, I may have an odd sense of humour. (From Bad Day Comics)

Watchmen - Just How Bad Will It Be ? I have little faith that any director can take any of Alan Moore's work and bring it to the big screen with any degree of success. Moore's writing / graphic novels are just too plot heavy, too complex, just too intelligent really for Holywood to be able to do anything with them. I am struggling to think of any of the more adult themed comic book adaptations that have been really good, Constantine was a huge, steaming pile of shite (starring huge steaming pile of chopped liver Keanu Reaves), V For Vendetta, for me at least, just did not work as a movie, League Of Extraordinary Gentleman was rather so so, From Hell pretty much ignored the whole novel it was taken from and then added a load of salacious tosh about drug taking, even Johnny Depp couldn't save it. It goes almost without saying that Alan Moore wishes to have nothing whatsoever to do with the film project, Dave Gibbons though supports the movie and has visited the film set. Zakk Snyder is directing, so what does his CV look like ? Oh dear, well it contains the quite bland remake of Dawn Of The Dead, and 300, which was a good film if you like arty violence and homo-erotic overtones, but neither of those really show that Snyder will be able to get to grips with the subtleties of Watchmen. As the pictures show, everything in the film looks like Watchmen the comic, but looks can deceiving. Take a look at Silk Spectre's costume for example, do you think that this is one of the images that is going to be used to promote the film ? Sex sells of course, but Watchmen was not a comic book based on how sexy it's male or female characters were. The hero / anti-hero, depending on your point of view, Rorshach is probably the least sexy superhero of all time. Compare the film stills with the original Sally Jupitas / Silk Spectre as drawn by Dave Gibbons..... They are both sexy, but Gibbon's origianl artwork retains some sense of restraint whilst the Zakk Snyder film version of Silk Spectre looks downright kinky / pervy. The filming of Watchmen has been pretty much completed and the movie has a provisional release date for March 6th 2009. So you have 11 months of me moaning on about it before the film comes out, it won't stop me going to see it of course, there's nothing like wallowing in your own misery ;-)

Album Review - H.A.A.R.P. - Muse***** This is a cd and dvd package, recorded live at the first gigs to be played at the new Wembley Stadium last year. Muse are by definition a stadium band, some mega bands you can imagine still playing in some dirty, sweat dripping from the ceiling club, Metallica or Black Sabbath or Motorhead you could see on some cramped stage hammering out the riffs to a crowd of a couple of hundred wedged in between the bar and stage. Muse though demand the vast arena, everything about them suits the ampitheatre, their heroically overblown prog metal style, the enourmous mighting rigs and back projection screens, and Matt Bellamy's paranoia demands that he has at least a half mile between him and the audience. H.A.A.R.P. is the acronym for the High-Frequency Active Auroral Research Program which according to some has been designed by the US governmen to produce "deliberate manipulation of natural processes and cause such phenomena as earthquakes, tidal waves, and changes in climate and weather patterns." The Muse stage set at his gig (and on the previous European tour) was designed to look like the HAARP transmitters. I think Matt believes that the US government / secret service are using HAARP to beam messages direct into our brains, judging by record sales that message is "Buy more Muse albums." What you get then is a 14 track live cd which draws heavily on from 'Black Holes And Revelations' and a 20 track dvd with all the cd tracks plus a few more and some bits of on stage improv. I don't often bother with music dvd's, I don't think I have watched more than half a dozen in the last few years, but Muse's stage set combined with the fact that I am rather obsessed with Muse make this, for me at least, compelling viewing. The live cd is pretty good, the obvious running order of opening a gig with the obvious gig opener 'Take A Bow' (as per the European tour) and closing with the obvious closing number 'Knights Of Cydonia' has been reversed. I love hearing the screams of excitement as the crowd recognise openings, Bellamy isn't the most chatty of frontmen - he's never going to be the next Freddy Mercury, and the other members of Muse, Chris Wolstenholme and Dominic Howard (plus live band members MOrgan Nicholls and Dan Newell), don't say a word on stage, but the band play to their considerable strength of produced fantastic music. Bellamy doesn't try to play every song note perfect, this isn't Claudio Sanchez's labour of love Coheed & Cambria where live reproduction of the studio album is all important, this is Muse taking their songs out and having a bit of a laugh, after all, if you've built a theramin on to your guitar you may as well do something gonzo with it half way through a song. Live music is great at both ends of the scale, I love being in a swirling pit at Rio's or Leeds Met whilst some small or middling band pounds out a riff in front of you, sometimes though you just want to be blown away by the sheer majesty of it all, and for that, Muse are the reigning stadium rock kings.

It's Good To Be English Cheers folks, I'll be downing a pint or three of Black Sheep tonight to toast the dragon slayer. Picture by Pozas

Ilkley Birdlife A Greenfinch feeding in a Hawthorn on the bank of the Wharfe. It appeared to be eating the opening buds of leaves. A pair of Goosanders hunting for fish in the Wharfe by the 3rd hole at Ilkley Golf Club. Opposite the 1st fairway at the club the river has eaten into the river bank this winter, cutting right throug the old footpath, but the newly opened bank has created some nice easy digging for Sand Martins. I was trying to get a shot of the swooping Martins when this Kingfisher flew in and perched on a rock. A clever crow, it had just flown across to the mooring below the Riverside Hotel where it pinched a big bit of bread that some people were feeding to the ducks. Finding the bread too dry for its liking, the crow dunked the bread in the river for a few moments. It is really hard to get good shots of wildlife, I think I ought to save up for a bigger zoom lens.

Jesus On The Cross It was a nice afternoon yesterday so I had a wander up to the retreat at Middleton and then come back down into the valley and strolled along the river side for a while.

Popstar

Indian Premier League Off To Awesome Start Brendan McCullum has just smashed 158 off 73 balls, in the last over he scored 20 runs with three sixes including a six off the final ball. Jacques Kallis' 4 overs went for 48. Well, that will keep the sponsors happy.

I got this Sexy Comment from commentsplanet.com!

Patrick asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.' ..and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants ' After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami , and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back.' (thanks to MR)

I got this Sexy Comment from commentsplanet.com!

Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz Series 6.8 1) More and more angry, or more and more insane ? Explain (1) Madder, the dye used to stain the red cats of the British soldiers is called Madder. 2) Who set out rules for dining and declared that the total number of diners should not exceed 12 ? for another point at what time could the guests depart and when should they be in bed ? (2) Brillat-Savarin set out the rules for dining, he thought that guests should not leave before 11 but that they shouldbe in bed by midnight. 3) Whose larder included such items as 'loin of sea turtle', 'dolphin livers' and 'marmalade of sea anenome' ? (1) Captain Nemo in Jules Verne's 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. 4) What did the apples of Sodom taste of ? (1) I was going for this one - "Like to the apples of the Dead Sea's shore ; all ashes to the taste", but it appears my Bible reading isn't up to scratch as some of you have answered with "their clusters are bitter", so either answer gets a point. 5) Who is this man, and what is his alledged link to the logo below ? (2) The man is Alan Turing, Turing was outed as a homosexual and commited suicide by eating an apple impregnated with cyanide, there is a popular piece of internet folklore that claims Apple computors was named in reference to this. 6) Besos Mar, Selva de Mar, Poblenou, Llacuna - what are the next two items on this list ? (1) Bogatell, Ciutadella Vila Olimpica, stations on the Barcelona Transport, and yes, I managed to miss a station out, I like to keep you on your toes ? 7) What is the name of this building, and who designed it ? (1) Casa Battlo by Antonio Gaudi 8) What are the Etesian, Haboob and Brickfielder, and where would you find them ? (2) These are all winds, Etesian (or Meltemi) in the Aegean/Eastern Med, Haboob in Sudan, Brickfielder in Australia. 9) Can Queen Victoria eat cold apple pie ? Explain ? (1) This is a mnenomic for remembering the seven hills of Rome - Capitoline, Quirinal, Viminal, Esquiline, Caelian, Aventine, Palatine. 10) Whose motto begins with the oxymoron 'By the sword we seek peace' and how does it end ? "But only peace under liberty" - the state of Massachusetts. 6.8 Scores Didier 12 MR 12 James Hill 9 Dominic L 8 Alistair 8 Penny 7 Quiz Series 6 League 1) Didier 84 1) MR 84 3) Dominic L 67 4) Chez 53 5) Tony G 49 6) Mr Moosehead 41 7) Squirt 36 8) James Hill 34 9) Penny Farthing 31 10) Alistair Taylor 31 11) Dr P 30 12) James Horne 27 13) Lyle 16 14) Stephanie 6 Didier and MR are inseperable, barring a late fall it's going to be a two way fight for the title, I'll try to do another quiz over the weekend.

Book Review : In Search Of The World's Worst Writers - Nick Page*** This is the sort of book I'd describe as a 'toilet book', you know the sort of book, lightweight, doesn't recquire too much concentration, easy to dip in and out of. Nick Page has set out his shortlist of the world's worst writers in various categories, bizarre subject matter, strange dialects and accents, riddlety-diddlety poetry etc. It's fairly funny but as most of the entries are poets you'd probably get more out of it if poetry was you thing. It's also a shame, but obviously much safer for Mr. Page, that all of the "World's Worst Writers" as presented here, are dead, surely on any list of the world's worst space could be found for current writers like Stephen Donaldson, or some of the rubbish authors that get touted as classics like Jack Kerouac.

Object Of Desire

Indian Premier League Indian Premier League site

1st Day Of The New Season And didn't Lancashire look crap ? Apart from some tight bowling by perennial injury worry Flintoff their bowlers were fairly easy pickings as Mark "Why can't he do that for England ?" Ramprakash and Mark "Why can't he do that for England ?" Butcher both ran up easy tons in the first innings. Over the border, Yorkshire performed fairly well although Michael "Why do England Captains always bat like that ?" Vaughaun managed a duck when facing the might of the combined Leeds/Bradford Univercities team. Still, 500 allout isn't a bad effort. Kruis is looking on good form with the ball. Tomorrow of course the IPL kicks off, some of the franchise teams in the Indian Premier League were sold for almost $120million. The amount of money washing around in Indian cricket is staggering, as is Sachin Tendulkar's wage packet which is reputed to be in the region of $20million, Premiership footballers might feel poor by comparison. Whether or not you think that the IPL is damamging cricket in other countries, and possibly doing irreperable damage to the one day as well, the line of players that has been assembled by the super rich league is truly mouthwatering. Mark Boucher (BRC) Shivnarine Chanderpaul (BRC) M S Dhoni (CSK) Rahul Dravid (BRC) Adam Gilchrist (DC) Matt Hayden (CSK) Jacques Kallis (BRC) Brett Lee (K11P) Shaoib Malik (DDD) Mattiah Murilitheran (CSK) Ricky Ponting (KKR) Kumar Sangakarra (K11P) Virender Sehwag (DD) Ishant Sharma (KKR) Harbajan Singh (MI) Yuvraj Singh (K11P) Grahem Smith (RR) Andrew Symonds (DC) Sachin Tendulkar (MI) Daniel Vettori (DDD) Shane Warne (RR) It's like a whose who of the current best, and perhaps ever so slightly just past their best, or world cricket. There are no English players of course because our season has just begun, apart from Dimitri Mascerenas who hasn't been awarded a central contract from the ECB and thus isn't putting his future England career (if he has one) at risk. Over in the UK, won't be able to watch the IPL unless you are willing to fork out another £10 a month, on top of your Sky subscription, to the Setenta Sports channel. The line up look so good though, I could almost be tempted.

Local Elections Looming But just what is the point ? I've always encouraged people, particularly those who have just become old enough to vote, to use their vote. The endless machinations of our politicians are leaving me feeling detached, distrustful and even apathetic. It seems that whoever we vote in, at any level of politics, just go on to be self serving swine in the trough, filling their own bank accounts at our expense. Nu-Labour has brought in numerous policies that any follower of traditional Labour would be ashamed off. Their current brand of champagne 'socialism' is so far detached from the party's roots that they have forgotten where they came from. The Tories under Cameron moan about everything, but whenever you challenge them on whether they are actually going to do anything about it (and the current row over the 10p tax band is a prime example), they shilly shally and avoid answering and you know in your heart it's just so much empty posturing. The LibDems ? Well, they've had my vote a couple of times now and to be honest at the moment they seem rudderless and directionless. I think I'll just go into the booth and write "None of the above are fit to govern me" on my paper.

The 10 Commandments Of Anarchy 1.Thou shall seek to destroy capitalism in all forms This is the first and foremost greatest commandment for all Anarchists. Everything flows from this first commandment. Anarchists seek to subvert the capitalist system and capitalists themselves at any appropriate time. 2.Thou shall disengage from the system and NOT worship consumerism Anarchists should seek to reduce their inputs into the system. This includes any form of financial input which maintains capitalism, in particular Anarchists should NOT consume goods from the multi-national, like McDonalds, KFC, Bunnings or Harvey Norman et al. and instead support small business enterprise. Think about setting up a local co-op, and use credit unions instead of banks, or Richies supermarkets which donate profits to community groups.