Hot Rock Chicks............Melissa Auf Der Maur Onto the Yorkshire Pudding style pun, I'll Tinker with her Hole anytime, oh dear, that sounded ruder than intended.

After The Rain, Came The Rain Bugger, closed again, March has turned into a bit of a disaster. Where is this drought they keep talking about, we could use a bit of it.

Restaurant Reveiw - Ha! Ha! Bar, New Street, York** We have been to Ha! Ha! a few times and have nearly always enjoyed it, we get a comfy seat tucked in a corner, the staff are usually nice and polite,the food freshly cooked and pretty good considering that this a chain restaurant. We chose our usual table, ordered a pint of Red Stripe and a lemonade, ordered our starters. The food is freshly prepared so I don't mind the wait. When the starters arrived I thought they looked a little small, my thai fishcakes were nice, they would have been nicer though if chef hadn't left them in the saute pan so long and burnt the bottom of all three small cakes. Mrs YS opted for crispy shredded duck, it wasn't crispy, it was served with a surfiet of pancakes for so small a portion of meat, it was a tiny portion for the exhorbitant £6.70 cost. I had chosen lamb leg steak flavoured with sea salt, lemon zest, rosemary and garlic, served with bean and chorizo cassoulet (£11.50 and veg/salad will cost you extra), the waiter asked how I would like it cooked, I responded pink and it duly arrived pink, but, get your grill or fry pan really hot, then when you put your steak in it will colour on the outside, impart flavour and still remain nice and pink on the inside, mine was cooked under a cool grill and looked boiled. I couldn't detect any garlic or rosemary, or sea salt or lemon, what I could detect though was that the lamb wasn't fresh, again. Last time I came I had lamb, it was off and I sent it back, the waiter disagreed but did change the meal. The cassoulet was nice enough but tasted more of heinz baked beans than chorizo. Mrs YS went for corn fed chicken breast stufed with tallegio cheese, on a bed of creamy pesto, salsa and spinach pasta (£7.50). The chicken was nice, the pasta was nicely cooked - not overboiled, but creamy ? No, there was hardly a hit of sauce, the odd fleck of tomato and shred of spinach, but nothing that would qualify the dish as creamy. The bill for lunch with one beer, one glass of wine, two lemonades, two starters and mains was £38.80, we decided not to bother wit Ha! Ha!s desserts and went for some chocolate at Betty's instead. Ha! Ha! York obviously has problems in the kitchen, we were not madly happy last time we came but decided to visit again yesterday as we have had some nice meals there over the past 2-3 years. On our next visit to the capitol though I think we'll give Ha! Ha! a miss, it's not as if York is short of decent places to eat.

Hot Rock Beef..............Poodle Time! How's that then ? The great god of the guitar, note to all rock/metal guitarists - before you even think of boring us all senseless during gigs with your flashy fretwank, just listen to Brighton Rock live and then think really hard on whether you are still good enough to solo. Oh, and Eleanor, Brian sends you this....

Book Review : Cricket's Strangest Matches - Andrew Ward**** Alright, so you probably need more than a passing interest in the best sport in the world to wade through this almanac of the quirks and idiosyncrasies of the game, cricket geeks though will love it. CSM contains about 120 accounts of games that were played by strange teams, played under unusual conditons, where things went wrong, went brilliantly right, or just turned out plain strange. There are some of the obvious big events, Brian Lara's mighty test innings against England, and his phenomenal '94 season playing in England, the turnaround at Headingley that put England on course to win the Ashes, Greg Chappel's cowardly decision to order underarm bowling to prevent New Zealand from winning a World Series game, lovers of the game will remember all of these. Did you though know about the match played on the deck of a cruise ship at sea, the game played on a sand bank uncovered only at low tide twice a year, the game between the one legged and one armed ex-soldiers,the games interrupted by flying ants, leather jackets, snow, birds or monkeys ? Games played into the dusk, under lamplight, one man playing fifty ? My favourite from the book is this, DIK (Dera Ismail Khan) in the Pakistan league are promoted to first class status, their first match is against PWR (Pakistan Western Railways). PWR bat first and over the course of two days rattle up 910 - 6 declared. On the third morning DIK go in to bat, an hour later they are all out for 32, PWR enforce the follow on and another hour later DIK are all out again for 27. Scyld Berry, writing in the Observer after the first DIK innings, said with tongue firmly in cheek..."PWR then gambled on a lead of 878 and enforced the follow-on."

Wine Review - Mitchell Peppertree Shiraz '03, Clare Valley***** It's almost black, a real teeth, tongue and lip stainer. There is a very direct/forward rush of ripe fruit moving on to notes of spice and pepper, licorish, smoke and vanilla. The wine is exceptionally well balanced with a long and satisfying finish. I had it with steak and pepper sauce which matched up very well, it would go well with stronger flavoured meats, game, venison, pigeon, well flavoured stews (mutton, goat) etc. For those who follow Parker, he gave it 90 points and recommended drinking up before 2010. I bought a few bottles from the bin end sale at Hotwines , it is still available from other suppliers at around £10.50 per bottle.

Hot Rock Beef.........Brian Molko I thought I'd better put one of these in before Eleanor complains. It wouldn't be Yorkshire Soul without naked celebs........... Placebo naked.

Hot Rock Chicks..........Angela Gossow If you think that beacuse the golf course is flooded I have nothing better to do than to spend all day trawling the internet for pictures of metal babes, then you'd be right. If you don't know young Angela, she's the leather lunged vocalist (I won't use the term singer) for metal outfit Arch Enemy.

It's Well Worth The Money Just in case you ever complained about paying your licence fee. £126.50 a year, if you think it's expensive then just look at the rubbish that Sky One puts out during Planet Earth, Newsnight, Question Time, Band Of Brothers, Horizon, Panorama, Crime Watch......... ...then there's all the sports and news on R5, all the things I thought I would never be interested in but R4 still make manage to make compelling listening, good music on R2 + R3, and there's Radio 1, well, at least it still has the Rock Show. I think it is reasonable to say that I was entranced and awestruck by this week's Planet Earth : Caves, for my overseas readers, I hope that your local channels buy this stunninglybeautifull BBC production. David Attenborough has the best voice for natural history programmes, his mellifluous tones have become synonymous to me with the beauty of nature.

Hot Rock Chicks.........Juliette Lewis If I know my readership, this set will go down rather well with a certain someone over the Atlantic from me.

My Road To Reggae When I was growing up there wasn't much music in our house, Dad has never been much of a music fan, Mum had a collection of records but hardly ever played them. I heard music in the pub (my parents were tenants at a pub), on the tv and on my first radio/cassette player. I remember the first big musical craze that seemed to take hold at middle school was Rockabilly, Matchbox were the in thing, all the boys were wearing drainpipe trousers, dancing in circles taking it in turns to leap into the middle of the ring and swallow dive and leap around in a variety of groin endangering manouvres. I joined in, but back at home I had my treasured bits of vinyl, Hong Kong Garden - Siouxsie And The Banshees, Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles, Girl - My Number, Kingdom Of Madness - Magnum, Dirk Wears White Sox - Adam And The Ants and Rat Trap by The Boomtown Rats. The other big thing around school was Ska, Madness released The Prince and the wonderful cover of Prince Buster's One Step Beyond, there was Jerry Dammer's Two Tone label giving us The Specials, The Selector and The Beat and a host of other bands who both wrote their own songs and covered reggae and ska tracks from the 60's and 70's. Although I am primarily a metalhead, I love reggae and ska almost as much as rock and metal. I love the big strumming bass lines of Toots and the Maytal's Monkey Man and 54-46 Was My Number, Guns of Navarone by The Skatalites and War In A Babylon by Max Romeo. Probably everone has heard reggae classics like Israeiltes by Desmond Dekker and No Woman, No Cry by Bob Marley, but if you are looking to get a little deeper into ska and reggae try looking out for tracks like Wisdom by Jah Lion, Althea and Donna's Uptown Top Ranking or Soul Fire by Lee 'Scratch' Perry. Although reggae is steeped in politics and the history of many of the early artists seems to involve a welter of aggresion and violence, the music itself is often happy and upbeat, and even when the artists are using the music to make political points, as was often the case, the songs are still catchy and infectiously danceable, Ghost Town - The Specials, the aforementioned Toots tracks and Bob Marley's Get Up Stand Up are all great examples of this. Well, there's my very brief intro into reggae, I'll just mention one more band, because not everyone used ska and reggae for political point scoring, some folk were just having a great time, and the greatest good time drinking song ever just has to be that love song to booze, Specal Brew by Bad Manners. (This will be re-printed as a hypertext linked article at Yorkshiresoul's Audioscrobbler page .)

Two Jokes So, I arrived at my friend's fancy dress party wearing only my underwear. "What have you come as ?" my friend asked. "Premature ejaculation," I answered. "How's that ?," she asked. "I came in my pants."

Red Or White Wine ?

The Wit And Wisdom Of.........Alec Stewart "I've seen him playing football before a Test match, and believe me, his second touch was always a throw-in." Looking on from the Sky Sports studios, Alec Stewart rubbishes Shane Warne's footballing skills, after he managed to salvage a slip catch against South Africa with some fancy footwork.

The Long And The Short Of It I love long things, I much prefer a thousand page novel to a collection of short stories, I prefer watching the marathon to the 100 meters, and then there's cricket - a game which can last for up to five days. Musically I can swing either way, from a wandering 15 minute Marillion or Yes epic, or down to the venom and spittle minute long bursts from The Distillers and The Dead Kennedys, whose 'I Love Short Songs' has to be one of the best short songs. When I'm exercising I prefer endurance work to weight lifting, 15 kilometers on the rowing machine is my idead of a work out, and I love long walks, when my troublesome foot will alllow me to go the distance. I love being able to come home after a really long day's rambling and being able to trace a big circle on the map and say 'I walked that.' What do you go for then, long or short ?

Hot Rock Chicks......Avril Lavigne Well, it wouldn't be right to miss her out!

It's Pouring Down, Must Be Summer Time That's it, the clocks have changed, British Summer Time has officially begun, my social life has officially ended, and it's raining, a lot. I've just been round the clubhouse to open up for the day, I think the course may be closed though, the river has risen 4-5 feet during the night and is very close to coming over the banks. This is an odd time of the year, it doesn't yet stay light long enough for evening players , 5 o'clockers, to get out on the course, so although we are now open until around 8pm every day you can pretty much guarantee that the last couple of hours will be dead unless we have a daytime visiting party coming back for dinner. Last chance to read a few books before the season really kicks off then.

Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - Series 4 Finale Ok then, here it is, the final quiz of the series, lots of points on offer (a massive 60!) again in the (hopefully) fiendishly hard music link quiz. Rules as always, no lists of answers (so if here are 3 answers required for a question, don't send a list of 6 possibles), answers to Yorkshiresoul@gmail.com, Quiz Finale as the header, on/by Monday 3rd April. No spoilers please. 1) Can you link a 90's British rock band with dope, a god and an organ ? (2) 2) Climb a church tower on a Sunday and link an electrical current, a torture device and a name that might epitomise heavy music ? (link - bands - songs 7 points) 3) Dress rather differently and link an American air base and hospital in Germany, a series of bends, twists or curls and a number of Coleopteras ? (link - bands - songs 7 points) 4) Yorkshire Soul's favourite tipple with going on the dole, a man who drowned in the home of the blues, and the top of the milk ? (link - bands - songs 7 points) 5) The sudden arrival of the law with polar dwelling apes, the deceased members of an American political dynasty and the Eastenders who were not good enough ? (link - bands - songs 7 points) 6) Which young lady links Bob Geldof on the silver screen, somebody eating, and a group with a missing bassist ? (link - bands 4 points) 7) Big Game with the chief wailer, not the old getting ready to pray, and the man who persuaded the best known band of their genre that The Strand was not to be their monicker ? ( link - bands - songs 7 points) 8) Man's best friend with an unflyable airship, a monarch, and a room full of latin speaking women saying 'beyond these things' ? ( link - bands - songs 7 points) 9) A farmer's enemy with a presidents flying machine, a super powered African, and my Aunt's husband ? (link - bands - songs 7 points) 10) The pattern of the year with a man whose music caused a riot, damp weather and fake drugs, a third quarter tome of tabular information by folk with peculiar sexual tastes, and Art and Paul finding it hard to see ? (link - bands - songs 9 points) In all cases where the question says 'bands' this may be bands, individuals, composers etc. Have fun !

Hot Rock Chicks.........Shirley Manson

Captions ?

This Week's Audioscrobbling This week's chart (to Sun 26th) Tracks played - 760 Unique Artists - 189 1 The Beatles 28 2 The Clash 27 3 Igor Stravinsky (Phil. Orchestra Esa-Pekka Salonen) 26 4 Bob Marley & The Wailers 22 5 The Distillers 21 6 Gogol Bordello 20 6 Coheed and Cambria 20 8 Magnum 18 9 Megadeth 17 9 Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band 17 11 Marilyn Manson 16 12 The Dogs D'Amour 14 13 Fish 12 13 Muse 12 13 Queensrÿche 12 16 New Model Army 11 16 Marillion 11 16 Status Quo 11 16 Led Zeppelin 11 20 Def Leppard 10 20 Rammstein 10 Last week's chart (to Sun 19th) Tracks Played - 120 Unique Artists - 44 1 The Wildhearts 13 2 The Fighting Cocks 11 3 Yidcore 9 3 Marillion 9 5 Skunk Anansie 7 6 6ft Stupid 4 6 Slovak Radio Symphony Orchestra 4 6 System of a Down 4 9 The Streets 3 9 Jeff Wayne 3 9 Mastodon 3 9 The Bodysnatchers 3 9 Toots and The Maytals 3 9 New Model Army 3 9 Gogol Bordello 3 16 Ms. Dynamite 2 16 Bob Marley & The Wailers 2 16 Megadeth 2 16 Rancid 2 16 Soulfly 2 And the all time chart...... 1 The Beatles 28 2 The Clash 27 3 Igor Stravinsky (Phil. Orchestra Esa-Pekka Salonen) 26 4 Bob Marley & The Wailers 24 5 Gogol Bordello 23 6 The Distillers 22 7 Marillion 20 7 The Wildhearts 20 7 Coheed and Cambria 20 10 Megadeth 19 11 Magnum 18 12 Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band 17 13 Marilyn Manson 16 14 New Model Army 14 14 Rammstein 14 14 Muse 14 14 Queensrÿche 14 14 The Dogs D'Amour 14 19 System of a Down 13 20 Rush 12 20 Fish 12 20 The Fighting Cocks 12 Stravinsky's rocket ride up the chart is from listening to parts of Rites of Spring and The Firebird, now whilst it takes Marillion seven or eight minutes to get through one track, Stravinsky gets through three or four in the same time, so the same amount of time spent listening to both skews the chart in his favour. I think the chart nicely reflects my eclectic/eccentric taste in music, break the all time chart in genres and it reads like this.... 1) Rock 2) Punk 3) Classical 4) Reggae 5) Punk 6) Punk 7) Prog 7) Rock / Metal 7) Prog 10) Thrash 11) Rock 12) Prog 13) Industrial 14) Folk 14) Metal 14) Prog 14) Prog 14) Rock 19) Metal 20) Prog 20) Prog 20) Punk / Techno Get your own charts at Last.fm You can peruse all my charts in a prettier format at Yorkshiremike's user page

More Hot Rock Chicks.....Tarja Turunen

Moby Dick as Haiku Chapter I Call me Ishmaela white boy from Nantucket I'm not really gay Chapter II At some seamen's inn I make a friend named Queequeg his harpoon is big! Chapter III Down among the docks we enlist on the Pequod what a dumb-ass name Chapter IV We load the boat down with a year's worth of supplies but forget the life vests Chapter V Ahab the captain looks a lot like Abe Lincoln but walks with a limp Chapter VI Starbuck is first mate but unlike Ahab he's nice his coffee is great! Chapter VII Whaling can be fun lounging on the sun-drenched deck ogling the cabin boy Chapter VIII My buddy Queequeg has visions of disaster That dude's a downer! Chapter IX Of all God's creatures sperm whales are the grandest next to mermaids, I mean Chapter X Ahab spies the Dick bearing down on the Pequod "Harpoon his big ass!" Chapter XI The dopes in the boats do naught but piss off the whale! They're in Heaven now Chapter XII Ahab and Moby are locked in mortal combat! I bet on the whale Chapter XIII Ahab, mad captain dives in to the briney froth and comes up fish bait Found over at Mad Haiku , he says he's going to do The Bible next.

Book Review - The Nuetronium Alchemist : Peter F Hamilton***** Spoilers within. Another vast brick of a book, the second volume of Hamilton's Night's Dawn trilogy keeps up with the exhilarating pace set by The Reality Dysfunction. As the souls of the human dead continue to pour back from the void and possess the bodies of the living, the Adamists and the affinty enhanced Edenists are forced into their first alliance for centuries. On the world of New California a dead soul takes over a living body, he draws his first real breath in seven centuries, imagines himself in a fine sharp suit with a fat cheroot in one hand and a bloody baseball bat in the other, Al Capone is back, and he's got a plan. Worlds are falling to the posessed, first Lalonde, then the pastoral Norfolk, even the Serpent Edenist habitat Rubra is under assault from the Posessed. The main sub-plot binding this second volume together is the desperate search for the scientist Dr Alkad Mzu, the woman who has created a star destroying weapon has managed to escape from Tranquility habitat and is pursued across space by a pack of Edenist and Adamist security agents plus Joshua Calvert, now officially sponsored by Ione Saladana and Tranquility. Hamilton writes some gripping plots and exciting action sequences. The rise of Capone's Organisation shows just how dangerous the posessed can be when really well organised. The end of the chase for the creator of the Nuetronium Alchemist is a brilliant action scene, appaling weather, energy bolt throwing posessed, intermittant fire from space defence platforms, squabbling security teams and all played out under the threat of a falling meteor, superb. Hamilton introduces some new elements into this book, another energistic creature is trailing the insane Satan worshipping Quinn, Quinn discovers the existence of ghosts and Joshua bumps into something that looks like a man, but perhaps isn't. The only dissapointment, for me anyway, was the conclusion of the Rubra/Dariat vs. the posessed, I didn't understand why Rubra took the final action he did, surely with all that new power he could have overcome the posessed and remained ? The book keeps a good pace, the action hardly slackens, new ideas and characters continue to appear. There are some nice touches as Hamilton shows that not all the posessed are evil and determined to pull away from the universe, Fletcher Christian makes for an interesting character as the guardian of the girls Genevieve and Louise, and the children's exodus on Ombey via hippy driven magic bus makes for a touching and comic interlude. Amongst the laser and antimatter action comes the exploration of what it means to be human, and what happens after life is over. Everyone now knows that there soul will pass on, but it seems that the afterlife is a screaming void where the souls of the trillions dead try to wrest every memory from you. The Adamists have been proved correct, the body does contain a soul and the Edensists are in turmoil after learning that their death transfer holds on only to memories and that their souls pass into the beyond along with everyone else's. Everywhere across the universe humans are forced to confront the fact that their physical life is not all there is. As this second volume closes we witness the apparent destruction of Tranquility in a brilliant tactica manouvre by Capone's fleet, Alkad Mzu is captured alive - but for how long ?, and on Ombey, Ralph Hiltch prepares his human and bitek army to retake a continent from the posessed. The enigmatic Kiint drop hints that they have survived their own reality dysfucntion, whilst the Tyrathca withdraw from all contact with humans, claiming that their Sleeping God will save them from the crisis. It's non stop action, on with bit three!

Captions ?

That's Why They Call It Screamo

I Want One When you were a little kid, and Star Wars first came out at the cinema, did you want your very own Storm Trooper costume ? I know I did. Sadly , there are also people like this, I know it says 'insert here' but..... Not quite NSFW, but iffy. And this, so that's how they make them. Hey, look at the background, that's not Hoth, that's Wensleydale.

Real Music Only

The Hardest Puzzle On The Internet ? NotPron. Please tell me if you can get anywhere with this, I can't even get the front door open.

Moscow Tourist Information Stuck for something to do when visiting Moscow, why not visit the Moscow House Of Wax featuring junkies, policemen and Freddy Mercury dying from AIDS, weird.

Bathsheba Grossman Geometric artist, nice.

Wild Kids No, I mean really wild kids.

Guerrilla Gardening It made me smile, what a super idea, good work you green fingered anarchists.

Brody Dalle I know, it doesn't say 'naked' after the famous girl's name, I already get enough daily hits from simple hit whoring. Evil Steve, this is for you, she is hot. And lastly, beacause you knew there would be some pron anyway, a picture of Brody Dalle and a big cock.

New Service From Virgin Trains

Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz Series 4.9 Answers & League First things first, nearly everyone pointed out my 'no lists of answers' rule and the fact that some of the characters appeared in numerous books, so as long as you got at least one book that the character appeared in, you get a point. Ifg you want to see the large pictures you'l have to scroll back to last week's posting. 1) Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. Hampstead Heath painted by John Constable, the White Sliffs of Dover. 2) Sick Boy from Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh. Sick Child painted by J Bond Francisco, and a boy. 3) Rosencrantz and Guilderstern, from either Hamlet by Shakespeare, or R & G Are Dead by Tom Stoppard. A rose, an NCR motorbike, Antz. Pick out he word 'Guild' from the quilt, the cast of 'ER' (I know, I mucked this one one up, it's EN no ER, but you all still got it right), and Howerd 'Stern'. 4) Tom Sawyer from The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain Tom 'Not Gay' Cruise, a saw, a calender year. 5) Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien A bill, a bow, a bag, two inns. 6) Pennywise from It by Stephen King. Who ever wanted to see a clown again after reading this ? A penny and a 'wise' owl. 7) Man Friday from Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe. Man by De Vinci, Stephen Fry and Daniel Day Lewis. 8) Sherlock Holmes from A Study In Scarlet by Arthur Conan Doyle (and if you mentioned a different book or story in which he appears you get the point). A man shearing, a lock, and some houses or homes. 9) Long John Silver from Treasure Island by Robert Loius Stephenson. A long jumper, the actor John Hurt, and some silver. 10) Lazarus Long from Time Enough For Love, Methusula's Children and numerous other works by Robert Heinlein. Lazarus Rising by, oh bugger I havn't noted it down, oh well, and a pair of long johns. 4.9 Penultimate Scores and League Eleanor 27 MR 27 Chez 26 Dr P 24 Mr Moosehead 20 Saeri 18 Halucinaginia 15 Dan Munchie 15 1) Eleanor 135 2) MR 130 3) Chez 112 4) Dr. P 107 5) Rachel 'O' 55 6) Mr Moosehead 47 7) Saeri 40 8) Halucinagenia 33 9) Dan Munchie 31 10) Dirk Thruster 22 11) Lyle DFD 18 12) Mandy 17 13) = EvilBarSteward 15 13) = Penny Farthing 15 15) Miss Fitty 13 16) Andrew M 10 17) Mark R 8 18) Squirt 3 19) Ms B Haven 1 Well done folks, I've become addicted to Audioscrobbler over the weekend so I havn't written the final quiz of the series yet, I'll make an effort during the week, probably, perhaps.

People for the Eating of Tasty Animals

Puff Diddy Calling......

Yorkshire Soul Meets The Stars Yorkshire Soul meets Natalie Portman, sorry about the sponsor's t-shirt.

Was That Ian Shah or Owais Bell ? From Wisden live a few moments ago........ "1.1 Patel to Shah, no run, beauty! Just outside off, fuller and shapes away and Ian Bell is beaten on the forward prod."

Audioscrobbling From the journal of fellow Last Fm user HairMetal Addict...... "Things I've Learned While Reading-Moderating the Last.fm Wiki. Just some observations, all of which seem to have a connection... 1- Apparently a huge number of bands/artists are a "pioneer of", "most prominent in", or are "the leading group of" their genre. Particularly the MySpace ones with only 1 person listening to them. 2- An overwhelming majority of all new bands or artists are "the future" of their genre. Particularly the MySpace ones with only 1 person listening to them. 3- An overwhelming majority of MySpace users confuse "artist description" with "artist hype and opinion". Particularly the MySpace "artists" with only 1 person listening to them... editing their own wiki page. 4- The overwhelming majority of MySpacers editing their own "artist" wiki page use the words "unique" or "original" at some point to describe their "music", as if they think they're actually doing anything different from the same crap they downloaded from Kazaa the day before. 5- The general difference between a MySpacer editing a wiki page and a non-MySpacer editing a wiki page is that the non-Myspacer has a better chance of writing something semi-literate. Even if they barely speak English....and the MySpacers reading this are right now thinking of writing a "witty comeback" response... You know, like "ewe suxxxors mysapce rullez!" or some other incomprehensible (and mostly misspelled) nonsense. MySpace: The only site that will decrease your IQ by 20 points just by signing up. Now that is a site feature! Gosh, I won't admit to being a MySpacer now.

Just Let Him Kill Himself From Tom Hodgkinson's review of "The Libertines : Bound Together" in the Sunday Indy.... "He (Pete Doherty) appears to be destroying himself with drugs, the dreamy, pastoral heroin and the jumpy urban crack." Well, that's the first, and hopefully only, time that we will hear heroin described as either dreamy or pastoral. Idler editor Hodgkinson is obviously greatly enamoured of the sex and drugs lifestyle, although likely from a voyeurs viewpoint, he goes on to say about Pete Doherty's failure to reform - "You have to see that there is something heroic about his carelessness and disregard for the structures that most of us work within." Will he still regard the sometime singer as heroic if he manages to join the band of heroes, dubbed the 'Losers Club' by Kurt Cobain's mother, whose members include John Bonham, Jimi Hendrix, Phil Lynott and many more. Doherty is a drug addict. The music business is full of bright young things unable to avoid the allure of drink and drugs. If he goes the way of Jim Morrison or Bon Scott, it won't be romantic and we shouldn't continue to see it as just 'part of the lifestyle.' Writers, reveiwers and commentators, as well as the artists themselves, should grow up a bit and stop the glorification of alcoholism and drug abuse. Dohery and Lynott sticking syringes in their arms is not sexy just because they are, it's just as dirty and squalid as the abject addict in the filthy crack house. Let's stop all the 'romantic' hype about drugs and try to be a little more adult about it.

Going For A Gong A letter to my MP..... Dear Anne, I have always fancied getting myself some sort of honour, now it would appear that by far the simplest method of achieving this is not to do great works or waste my lifetime in sporting endeavour, but simply to send the Labour party a wad of cash. I could afford up to £200, is this enough for a CBE ? If not could you send the current price list by return. Yours, Yorkshiresoul.

No Dogs, No Irish, No Blacks, No............Straits I have been reading, with some amusement, articles reporting that people are being turned away from Manchester nightclubs for "not looking gay enough." I'm sorry, but just how do you look gay enough ? Is the fat, camp Marilyn Manson look good enough to get you in ? Or do you have to drop to your knees and give the bouncer a blowjob ? The issue is further confused by the fact that this is gay..... .....and this isn't...... Oh no, most definately not. But who actually is 100% strait though, apart from Tom and Robby ? Surely we have all given a second glance to a Thai Ladbyboy, Brian Molko or Thierry Henry ? No ? Just me then ? Ah, moving right along. Kinsey reckoned that we all have a little bit of swing in us, that given the right circumstances we would all bat for the other side (Lancashire in my case) at least once. I mean, I quite fancy Jodie Foster, and she's a lesbian! There have been court cases and litigation to 'prove' the hetero nature of certain actors, pop stars and footballers, but surely this is just another stupidity designed to make lawyers even richer because at its heart it assumes that there is something wrong with being gay and this obviously isn't true. After all, it isn't every day a man wakes up to discover he's a screaming bender with no more right to live on God's clean Earth than a weasel. Ashamed of yourself?

Captions ?

I Bet DSP Andy Still Asks For Chips With It... Pop over to Denny's Pub for the ludicrous 15lb burger.