Offline

Sorry folks but my PC is broken, therefore YS will not be updated until at least the end of this week, and on Sunday we fly to Malaga, see you from lovely Southern Spain then........  ¶ 8:47 PM  

  Captions ?

  ¶ 3:06 PM  

  Standardize MP's Now!

"In any given year I am binning more than 10 times my own height in unwanted material" - Ann Widdecombe on the amount of unwanted paper (or constituent's enquiries perhaps ?) sent to MP's.

Now this is all very well, but as we all know Ann Widdecombe is a rather short person. If Tory MP Daniel Kawczynski were to make the same complaint, he might well point out that his pile of rubbish is only five times his height. This is because Mr Kawczynski, MP for Shrewsbury and Atcham, stands a magnificent 6'8" tall, whereas Widdy is a well known midget.

If MP's are going to go around making fatuous claims based on their own height, then we need some kind of standardisation, lop the taller ones off at the knees, and give the short ones some of those wooden blocks on strings that they used to make you stumble around on in primary school.

One height for all!

The Rt. Hon. Daniel Kawczynski also claims that he has to "drive 50 miles to buy a shirt," this is because all the gents clothiers in Shrewsbury are shit. Alledgedly.  ¶ 2:52 PM  

  Bird Brain Flu ?

"Bird flu is scary, I had flu recently and was miserable. I'll certainly be staying away from chickens for a little while" - Coleen McLoughlin, girlfriend of Wayne Rooney.

From this short quote it is possible to draw a couple of conclusions......

1) Coleen does not read a daily paper any more taxing then the Sport, or maybe the Daily Mail, nor does she ever turn over from Hollyoaks in order to catch the BBC News.

2) Wayne does not need to worry that he will look dim by comparison.  ¶ 2:48 PM  

  Ah, a new template, but no entirely on purpose. While I was tinkering with the old one and adding a few bits into the sidebar, blogger took it upon itself to eat the lot, luckily I had noticed the template box had emptied and saved the on screen Yorkshire Soul before all my links and reads/views vanished as well.  ¶ 8:53 AM  

    ¶ 7:51 AM  

  Wine Review - Alianca Particular '02****

I may be buying some more of this, a 14% inky black monster, good on the nose, dark and rich in the glass, deep, concentrated mature berry flavour with toasted vanilla and hints of plums.

An old world style wine in a very good way, modelled after Italy's Barolo but made from the native Portuguese Castelao/Periquito grape in the DOC Palmela region, if like me you have pretty much no idea of where Portuugal's wine regions are, here's a handy map.

If that isn't too clear, click here for a larger version. DOC Palmela is about a third of the way up Portugal towards the West coast.

This was a rather good wine, weighty and serious, we had it with roast chicken in bacon which was a little light to balance it, it would match up well with beef casseroles, pepper steak, venison and other game, mature cheddar etc.

Alianca is available from Martinez at an extremely reasonable £6.75 a bottle.  ¶ 8:08 AM  

  King of the 'Big Red Boys'

"King Tutankhamun was a red wine drinker, according to scientists who have been studying residue left in wine pitchers in the ancient pharaoh's tomb.

Wine was a luxury drink in ancient Egypt and bottles were labelled with the wine's name, year of harvest, source and even vine grower."

The full article can be read here at Auntie Beeb .

Red wine, the drink of kings and pharoahs, non of yer poncy lager or alco-pops for real men.  ¶ 7:56 AM  

  More Dating Tomfoolery

On the same website mentioned in the post below, you could opt to date the lovely Kadija, but be warned.....

Her moody brother / chaperone / bouncer comes on all the dates as well, seriously Kadija, I'd get another picture done, one without the looming big bloke, unless you're looking for threesomes.

  ¶ 5:40 PM  

  Lookin 4 Luv



"Im sweet n lovin and im lookin 4 a friend or a boyfriend i dnt wind. I dont live far from leeds so it would be easy 4 us 2 hook up. age dunt really matter i prefere my guys to be charvas/scallys/townys/ch avs that kinda guy but its not all that important. but BE WARNED i say what i think so dont get gobby wi me if you dont want a mouth full back!"

She's from Ilkley, what is this town coming to. The delightful Leedslass1905 is up for grabs on the dating site iLove Online Dating.

Despite being 'sweet' and 'gobby', Leedslass is at least sure of her ethinicity, she is proudly 'purley English', I bet the residents of Croyden, Chipstead and Addington are truly proud that their near neighbour has spawned individuals like this.

Furthermore, Leedslass says 'i want a friend that i can meet or have as a pen pall', a pen pal indeed, maybe they could vandalise bus shelters together. Don't all rush at once now boys.

Anyway, I happened across Leedslass as I was searching Google's picture lists, thinking of ways to corrupt them and boost my readership, when under the heading Ilkley, I found this young lady.....



She seems a much nicer kind of filly, but I can't find her on the site so presumably she has found true love and loved on, or has learned through painful and bitter experience that sarcastic old bloggers will steal her personal details and use them to mock her.

Of course, if you should know either of these two gals, and you wish to expose them to further mockery, e-mails to the usual address.  ¶ 5:18 PM  

  MR Sends a Warning

"Subject: Serious Hoax warning - Please circulate
Hoax warnings scare me , but this one is important.
Please cut and paste then send this to everyone on your email list.

If someone comes to your front door and says they areconducting a survey and asks you to show them your arse, DO NOT show them your arse.

This is a scam; they just want to see your arse.

I wish I'd got this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap"

Alas too late, and even worse when the doorbell went again only seconds later and I thought they had returned for a second look, a scream, a thud, the Jehova's Witness had fainted.  ¶ 5:09 PM  

  Girls Got Curves

Now it's hard work at the gym, sweating off a few pounds of lard at the rowing machine, weights and ski trainer, so what you really need is something to keep your attention focused.



Such as the new video from the delightfully curvaceous Charlotte Church.



Now obviously I have no idea what the song is actually like, becuase I have my own music plugged in and some set of noisy bastards like Arch Enemy, Mastodonn or Rancid are making a righteous racket in my ears.



How's that then boys ? You could manage another few reps with Ms. church writhing on the big screens couldn't you ?

And because this wouldn't be Yorkshire Soul without the obligatory tat.....

Charlotte Church naked, well, nearly.

Charlotte Church nude, well, not quite.  ¶ 10:13 AM  

  James Hetfield's Hair

Ok, so I realise it's a rather specialised topic even for me, but clicking around on Primate Journal I found this, The James Hetfield Hair Watch, subtitled "We watch James' hair so you don't have to", that saves me some time then.

I hadn't quite realised until perusing this site that the Metallica frontman has sported quite so many twattish haircuts throughout his career, go have a look, laugh at the mullets and odd beards, sigh with happy contentment at the 'Golden Age Of Hetfield's Hair' (circa Master Of Puppets I think).

I think this one was titled...."Hey Jim, nobody cares about your crotch when you look like Sammy Hagar's Amish cousin."

  ¶ 7:50 AM  

  Training Day

It has rained all weekend, therefore the greens are under water today and we are closed, perfect for some training for Chefling Steve then.

First lesson, jointing a chicken, making stock from the bones, coq-au-vin from the legs and chicken kiev from the breasts, ah, the kiev didn't survive long enough for a 'before' shot, so here's the after shot.

Oh, the second lesson didn't make it to any kind of photograph at all. Moules Mariniere, Steve didn't think he liked any kind of seafood, but one large pan of mussels later he was converted, Mrs. YS, Steve and myself stood round and wolfed the lot.

Some potato work, we did Duchesse potatoes, shown here, plus bases for concasse and some potato croquettes, and some rather excellent Gratin Dauphinois. The picture above is poached mackerel with Duchesse, courgettes and vine tomatoes roasted with olive oil, thyme, sea salt and black pepper.

The mackerel gutted and cleaned, they are lovely looking fish.

Devilled mackerel, if you want to learn more about cooking fish, I would heartily recommend a copy of Rick Stein's Seafood School Cookbook, it takes you through preparing every type of fish and shellfish with a superb, step by step, well photographed guide. It is easily the best fish cookbook I have ever purchased.

Now, I know the mackerel above looks a bit charred, but the flesh inside was moist and succulent and a nice counterpoint to the cripsy, mustard and cayenne coating on the skin, try a nice lime, tomato and coriander salsa to go with this.

Sardines, again they didn't quite survive long enough to be photographed in all their glory, we grilled one, just with a tiny amount of olive oil, and floured and deep fried the other, to serve we prepared a very simple tomato sauce with onions, celery and white wine.



Gratin Dauphinois at the front, this was quite superb, and Coq-au-Vin at the rear, we really couldn't eat any more at this point so this has been put away for tomorrow night's dinner.



We still had a bit of time left, so I got young Steve to knock out a large tray of lasagne, a large portion of which I have just devoured along with with some '99 Rioja Reserva.

Looking at the amount of work we have managed today, I cannot understand why it took us all afternoon at catering college to produce one dish, Wossername suggests this may be to do with with the fact that we didn't spend half the afternoon throwing mashed spuds at each other and using dough hooks to pull the waitresses skirts up, he may be right you know.  ¶ 10:05 PM  

  It's a waterbed, does exactly what it says on the label.  ¶ 8:03 AM  

  Offensive Joke Follows.....

  ¶ 7:59 AM  

  Wine Review - Fetzer Barrel Select Chardonnay '04***

I don't buy much wine from Tesco, preferring to get my vino from Martinez in Ilkley or from the online/by post Laithwaites , both are excellent and highly recommended, that said, the supermarket was having a half price sale, so I picked up a couple of bottles of this, some Rawnsley Chardonnay and some bargain price Rioja Reserva.

The Barrel Select comes in a screw cap closure, it has a light golden colour and a pleasant, tropically fruity nose. On tasting, I found this Chardonnay to be rather lacking in acidity but possessing lots of vanilla, pear and melon characteristics. It is rather an odd tasting wine in fact, leaning towards fruity Gewutrztraminer and light new world Riesling and missing all that acidity and flint that usually makes Chardonnay so good.

The wine was tasted with chicken wrapped in smoked bacon served with a tomato sauce, so probably not the best match up. I did try some again after the meal though and was again struck by the odd flavours of the wine.

This was bought from Tesco for £3.50 or so a bottle, which is about the right price, if they have put it back up to the previous £7+ a bottle, then I'd give it a miss.  ¶ 7:30 AM  

  One Of These Men Broke His Leg Yesterday



Luckily for English cricket it was my brother in law Andy and not the Ashes winning captain, Andy had been playing quite well until he tripped over a worm cast and snapped his ankle. He did seem quite pleased though that the hospital was able to provide a cast in Sheff Wed blue.  ¶ 7:23 AM  

  D & D : The Magnificent, er, 6

Oh dear, our new first level adventuring company has lost a member.

"The bodies are vanishing," sayeth the gravediggers, and our intrepid heroes plunge into the undergound warrens to flush out any lurking undead, which sort of works. As the heroes are crawling along the nasty muddy crawlways beneath the graveyard, a ghoul bursts from its hiding place and, gaining surprise, hits Ember three times, two of those are criticals. In the ensuing panic and chaos of trying to conduct a fight in a two foot high passage, Ember bleeds to death.



The remaining 6 take a vote, and like the heroes they are, say sod it, we're off down the pub. Ember is given a fitting send off, atop a mound of burning wood, and, much refreshed by copious quantaties of cheap ale, the 6 return to the warrens the next day.

Rhivaun has managed to wangle a promotion to Corporal of the Militia after conscripting the rest of the '7', does that mean you get more money asks everyone ? The barbarian stays silent, but smiles.

Back underground the now seasoned tunnel fighters quickley despatch a zombie and another ghoul and then pause for elevenses in an underground chamber.



Farewell then dear Ember, returned to the fiery warmth of Kossuth, there's a sign on the door,
"The Magnificent 7 - Now Hiring"  ¶ 8:42 AM  

  Australia Expects That Every Man....

Tony T has a quite excellent post on the topic of Nelson's sound thrashing of the French and Spaniards, more info over at Auntie Beeb .

Tony has posted a number of Nelsonesque signals sent by Royal Navy vessels during WWII, I think this is my favourite....

RN sub to surface escort - "In case of attack by heavy surface vessels I will attempt to stay on the surface"
Surface escort - "So will I."  ¶ 8:22 AM  

  Bird Flu - Norwegian Blue ?



A health spokesman said yesterday, "'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!  ¶ 7:29 AM  

  Yorkshire Soul, Chef To The Stars



Yorkshire Soul, Freddy Flintoff, Cocky, by name and by wandering hand apparently, what do you mean Freddy's looking a bit wooden ?



Three Yorkshire titans, Fred Trueman, Yorkshire Soul, Michael Vaughan. Last night was the sportsman's dinner here at IGC with guest of honour Michael Vaughan. We had 90 diners, the menu was ....

Chicken and Smoked Bacon Ceasar Salad

Roast Sirloin with Yorkshire Puddings and Roasted Autumn Vegetables

A Selection of Cheeses with Fruit and Biscuits

Micheal Vaughan did a Q&A session at the end of the dinner, I asked three questions of the Ashes winning England Captain...

1) Kevin Pieterson, is he the obvious choice for next England captain ?

2) Shane Warne's hair transplant, did it come from under his arms or his arse ?

3) Would either Shaiob Akhtar and/or Brett Lee benefit from a good hard slap ?

After some laughter, Michael was of course too diplomatic to answer any of the above. On the subject of whether England had employed the use of Trebor Mints to polish the ball and achieve reverse swing, Michael brought the house down with a tongue in cheek list of various confectionary items that could be used in ball polishing before admitting that what the England team used this year was......"Fuck All."

'Fiery' Fred Trueman had them rolling in the aisles after dinner with a selection of jokes that even I might think twice about publishing, if you ever have a chance to see Trueman speak then do so, he could have easily been a comedian if he wasn't murdering people with a leather ball.

Thanks to all the staff, you all did a cracking job last night, even this one....



That's Squirt, my little sister and mother of those gorgeous children I keep posting pictures of.

Finally, a quick pic of two Sheffield Wednesday fans.....



Michael Vaughan and brother in law mk.2 Andy. Sorry, I should have given them their full name, that would be Sheffield Wednesday Nil.  ¶ 10:51 AM  

  Podded

We now have his 'n hers matching Nano I-pods, you have to name them so your PC knows which is which, hers is called Meg, obviously, mine has been christened 'Louder Faster' , 2 days worth of the best speed, thrash, black and heavy metal on a thing hardly bigger than my credit card, it is quite wonderful.  ¶ 8:20 AM  

  The Best Thing About Being A Man Is.....

Peeing standing up, girls have always wanted to be able to do this, and now you can !  ¶ 8:01 AM  

  Captions please....



Saddam's Tommy Cooper impression fails to woo the judges.  ¶ 7:59 AM  

  Captions ?

  ¶ 8:55 AM  

  Readers Questions

1) What is corn syrup ? Cups are an American measure and not a tea cup, coffee cup or any other kind of cup. If you are going to make your own sugar syrup, do any hot sugar work or make toffee, just remember that it gets fearsomely hot.

If you are planning on making sweet things in industrial quantities, it is possible to buy sugar syrup in the UK, but only from large scale suppliers I think, I don't know of any retailers that supply it but I can get hold of it if anyone wants, enquiries to my usual e-mail.


2) How do I roast a really big chicken ?

Get a really big roasting pan, I wouldn't stuff it, this is a sure fire way to get dried out legs and disturbingly pink bits. You can put some apple, lemon, onion, garlic & herbs etc into the cavity if you wish, but don't pack it in, leave room for the hot air to circulate. Widen the cavity with your fingers.

Mix some butter, sea salt, cracked black pepper and garlic, smear this all over the skin of the bird, put it in the over the 30 mins on high heat, about Gas Mark 7, then turn it down for another 30-40 mins, about Gas Mark 5, this should get the skin nice and golden and crispy and leave the flesh juicy and succulent.

Always rest your joint for 10 minutes or so before carving, it allows the joint to relax and will make for a much better meal.

I always use a temperature probe when roasting, it's not cheating, it's good sense. I don't have to guess when a joint is rare, medium or well, I can probe and know to the exact degree how well cooked my meat is. Don't buy one of those crappy needle probes that you stick in the joint and leave in the oven, rubbish. You can buy a decent digital probe for around £15, most decent kitchen shops sell them, and if not, I do.

Probe chickens and turkeys in near the leg joint, this is always the bit that stays pink the longest. Over 72 degrees ? Then it's ready. If you don't have a probe, then stick a fork or skewer into the meat, if the juices run clear with no blood, then it's ready.  ¶ 8:06 AM  

  Film Review - Wallace and Gromit : The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit*****

I love Wallace and Gromit, who couldn't ? They are charming, daft, lovely, harmless and hilarious.

Not many short animations make a good full length feature, just remember how bad Scooby Doo was, but Aardman Animations have come up with a winner in Wallace and Gromit, the puns and gags flow thick and fast, there are numerous references to other films and genres, and the action never lets up.

The plot follows the traditional line, Wallace has a great idea but, something goes wrong, a larger problem is caused and man's best friend has to come and save the day.

I laughed and laughed all the way through this, I have seen so many 'comedy' films that can barely raise a smile, but the plasticene duo had me roaring with laughter for most of the movie. W&G reflect a slightly dated, slightly rose tinted side of English small town life, there are some nicely portrayed characters here, exaggerated but rather familiar.

It's a winner, suitable for all ages, kids should love it, adults will appreciate the in jokes and not so subtle 'Carry On' style gags.

  ¶ 7:36 AM  

  Atishoo, Bird Flu ?

WE'RE ALL DOOMED !

OK, I've stopped panicking now, but like many others, I'd like to know what the official government advice is for keeping yourself from bird flu, so here it is....

1) If you own a budgie, kill it now. Don't wait until it is too late and your companion becomes a feathery harbinger of death, go on, KILL IT NOW.

2) Avoid eating Bernard Matthews Turkey Twizlers.

3) Stop feeding the bloody pigeons, they only go and shit all over Mr Havistock's car and he gets really pissed off about it. If you are a pigeon fancier, I'd keep very, very quiet about it.

4) Avoid travelling to risky areas, the official 'at risk' list at this time is

Turkey
Finchley
Ravenscliffe
Flamingo Land

Remember, be safe, kill a budgie.  ¶ 7:24 AM  

    ¶ 8:53 AM  

  Captions ?


  ¶ 8:46 AM  

  Naked Flesh Warning

Aha, Blogger is having a rare working day, so I'll offload a small heap of celebrity smut...


Britney Spears naked, really!


Kirsten Dunst unintentionally topless


Victoria Beckham naked


One for the ladies, Yorkshire Soul in his underwear  ¶ 8:34 AM  

  My Grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she turned 60, she is now 84 and we have no idea where she is.

(Thanks to Ewe R Baared)  ¶ 8:21 AM  

  Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - Series 4 Week 3 Answers


1) Who is this, and who painted it ? (2) This is Claude Monet painted by Auguste Renoir



2) How did Daddy Long Legs interfere with horse racing earlier this year ? (1)

The juvenile form of a Daddy Long Legs, or Crane Fly, is a burrowing grub, due to last years mild winter not freezing many of the grubs, they had multiplied to such an extent Chepstow that they munched through all the grass roots turning the racing surface into a grassy ice rink. Accidents ensued and the racing was switched away from Chepstow whilst the grass was treated.

3) Who is this, what is his real name ? (2) This is 50 Cent, his real name is Curtis Jackson, I don't know why he has a bandage under his hat.



4) In a nation of freed slaves, a footballer can be President, where and who ? (2)

I was alluding to the ongoing election in Liberia where footy player George Weah is running for the presidency.

5) Who is this, what is his real name ? (2) This is Dr. Dre, real name Andre Romel Young



6) Two Chinese men reported that chopsticks were too difficult to use, instead they ate their moon cakes with their fingers, what are the men's names ? (2)

Fei Junlong and Nai Haisheng, China's astronauts.

7) Who is this, and who created him ? (2) This is Goggle Head, created by the artist Elisabeth Fink.


8) A professor this week linked binge drinking to the rise in what ? (1)

Rising house prices, Prof Cary Cooper said that as many young folk could only afford to rent rather than buy, they were drinking lots more instead. Sounds like rubbish, but he is a Professor.

9) Who painted this, and how can the painter be linked with someone who appeared in last week's quiz ? (3) This is a painting by Walter Sickart, Patricia Cornwell (from last week) believes that Sickart was Jack the Ripper and has writen a book to explain her findings.



10) Who is this, what is his real name ? (2) This is Kanye West, and that's his real name as well.



Week 3 Scores

MR 15
Eleanor 14
Dr P 14
Mandy 11
Chez 10
Patricia 8
Dirk Thruster 8
Rachel 'O' 6

Week 3 League

1) Eleanor 51
2) MR 45
3) Dr. P 36
4) Chez 31
5) Rachel 'O' 24
6) Dirk Thruster 22
7) Mandy 17
8) EvilBarSteward 15
9) Penny Farthing 14
10) Miss Fitty 13
11) Patricia 8
12) Ms B Haven 1

Well done folks, I don't think anyone got the statue question, you won't be looking forward to a round on famous sculptors then ?  ¶ 7:36 AM  

  A Bit Of Dirt Does 'Em Good

Keeping your children healthy can be the key to missing fewer days at the office so be aware of where germs lurk. The University of Arizona in Tucson swabbed 800 surfaces to determine the most unhygienic areas. Here they are in order of dirtiness.

1) Public telephones
2) Public rest-room surfaces
3) Counter pens
4) Chair armrests
5) Elevator buttons
6) Escalator handrails
7) Shopping cart handrails
8) Grocery store refrigerator handles

Really ? They were the nastiest places they think children put their hands ? They havn't had any of these moments then.....

"Joseph, put the toilet block down, they are not sweets, NOOOOO, no don't lick your fingers."


"What's this Uncle Mikey ?"
"OMIGOD PUT IT DOWN STEPHEN IT'S A DEAD RAT."


"No Joshua, if we're playing cowpat frisbees, you're supposed to pick up the crusty ones, DON'T COME NEAR ME WITH THOSE HANDS."  ¶ 8:18 AM  

  But I Bought Tickets For Day 5 ?

So goes the shout from cricket fans who have seen the World 11 put in a woeful performance against the Australians. A 6 day test (and who can explain the thinking behind that ?) over in less than 4 days, that should be the last of these sham matches then, obviously the visitors have no intention of playing to their abilities.

Warne and MacGill have been awesome, running through the World line up in both innings, Hayden and Gilchrist batted well and apart from that it was a shoddy affair, one decent innings from the Ozzies, three loads of pants, why on earth was Punter looking so happy ?

Listen mate, you lost the Ashes and won first prize in the Girl Guides raffle, this is not woo and yay time. On to serious work then, the Windies to visit Down Under, and the all conquering English boys (minus about twelve injured players) to visit Pakistan.  ¶ 7:39 AM  

  D&D : The Magnificent 7

Apparently without a trace of irony, that's what they have named their adventuring company. This litle bedraggled band of paupers and potential Orc bait, The Magnificent 7, oh well, much like buying a jumper three sizes too big, it'll give them something to grow into.

They have been picking up jobs in Varaghast, as clerks, office staff, scribes, gravediggers etc, and then doing a bit of adventuring when they can afford to. They have found a sponsor of sorts in Chalce, a magician whom they helped when she fell foul of her own Necklace Of Polymorph.

The army of Varaghast marched out from the city, heading South towards Tilverton. Chalce asked that the 7 follow the army, and that when the attack had (hopefully successfully) taken place, that they enter Tilverton and search out some old friends of hers.

Most of the friends were alive, one wasn't at all happy to see them and the last, the mage Gahlaerd Mossmere, was sort of alive, cut open from chest to groin, his entrails being turned into some foul snake headed creature. A vampire creature with similar wounds was tending him. They quickly despatched the vampire spawn and put poor Gahlaerd out of his misery.

Exploring further in Mossmere's mansion, they surprised a Shadow in its hiding place, and then, oh the joys of 1st level combat, spent the best part of six full melee rounds trying to kill it. Those incorporeal creatures are so hard to kill when you have no magic weapons and your spell list is down to 3 cantrips.

They succeeded in killing the Shadow, returned to Varaghast, got paid, didn't get killed, a fair evening's adventuring then.  ¶ 7:22 AM  

  Hai Chingseng And His Talking Penis

  ¶ 4:43 PM  

  Fun with lasers, safe for work, unless your boss objects to you pratting around on games all afternoon.  ¶ 4:14 PM  

  Captions ?

  ¶ 8:02 AM  

  Test Your Skill

  ¶ 7:56 AM  

  The Boys Down Under

The World 11 looked like they were just happy to pick up their cheques during the one day matches, Australia thrashed the best of the rest handsomely in all three games with very little backbone being shown by the hotch potch side.

Brian Lara especially looked like he had really only turned out for the money, second ball faced in the second match and he plays a one handed shot and flukes some runs behind him, two minutes later he's out.

On paper the teams looks fantastic, the batting line up especially, but the bowling is a little weaker, although improved now that the wayward Rawalpindi Express has been left in the sidings.

I think the ICC have already said that these matches will not continue unless the World side performs better, but what is their motivation ? They are not playing for national pride, they don't want to get injured ahead of important tours for their countries, they've got leggy blonde models to mess around with.

Does anyone think the Best vs. The Rest is really worth playing ?  ¶ 7:44 AM  

  That Ryanair Passenger Policy In Full

No Blind
No Deaf
No Drunk
No Disabled
No Blacks
No Paki's
No Jews
No Irish
No Dogs

(Copyright J. Mengele Director of Transport)  ¶ 7:36 AM  

  Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - Series 4 Week 3

Answers to yorkshiresoul@gmail.com on/by Mon 17th Oct, no lists of answers, e-mails titled QUIZ WEEK 3 please, no spoilers please.

1) Who is this, and who painted it ? (2)

2) How did Daddy Long Legs interfere with horse racing earlier this year ? (1)

3) Who is this, what is his real name ? (2)

4) In a nation of freed slaves, a footballer can be President, where and who ? (2)

5) Who is this, what is his real name ? (2)

6) Two Chinese men reported that chopsticks were too difficult to use, instead they ate their moon cakes with their fingers, what are the men's names ? (2)

7) Who is this, and who created him ? (2)

8) A professor this week linked binge drinking to the rise in what ? (1)

9) Who painted this, and how can the painter be linked with someone who appeared in last week's quiz ? (3)

10) Who is this, what is his real name ? (2)

  ¶ 9:41 AM  

  I found this over here.

Both are very good, and safe.  ¶ 8:58 AM  

  Exercise Tourette's

I've taken up going to the gym on a regular basis, and not just to stare at the nubile teenage lovelies in their tight, clingy kit, but that is a bonus. No, I'm actually doing some exercise, and like many other people, I'd rather take my own selection of music rather than listen to the appalling selection of MTV Urban drivel played over the loudspeakers.

I really, really like music, no, I love music, it's a really big part of my life, on with the headphones, turn the guitars up to 11 and I'm there, on stage, with thousands of adoring fans, I'm sure you're pretty much the same yourselves.

I like singing along to my music, inflicting my tone deaf vocal talents upon my staff at regular intervals, and sometimes when I'm plodding along on the x-trainer, I forget where I am and start to sing along at the gym as well.

This would be alright if my choice in music was bog standard pop fare, nothing to upset people there. But, well, you know my taste in music, the bloke on the machine in front of me yesterday was understandably upset to discover that "We're all going to die, burn BUUUURNNNNN!"

Singing along in public makes me realise I own lots of music that features the F-word quite liberally and I can only apologise to the lady on the step machine who departed quite rapidly after I cranked the Misfits' Last Caress up to full volume, oops.  ¶ 8:37 AM  

  Rip Off ?

This is a quote from an article about giving away free DVD's with newspapers....

"Knock-out 10,000 DVDs and you're looking at maybe 34p each; 100,000 at 25p each, half a million at 23p each. So when you get into the millions, which are what the tabloids sell, it's even less."

And how much do DVD's cost in the shops ? £10 ? £15 ? That's quite a mark up there. Of course I realise that a profit has to be made, people have to be paid, and especially in the film and music industries there is coke to be snorted and whores to be shagged, and that all needs paying for, but it's still quite a mark up isn't it ?

This has been the argument about CD's for over 20 years, they cost less to produce than a vinyl album so why have they always been more expensive ? It has only been with the advent of the online record stores and the likes of Tesco selling cheaper Cd's that they have eventually come back down to the cost of what a vinyl album was all those years ago.

If you have internet access, and a credit or debit card, I can't understand why you would ever bother with the high street music stores again, prices are often in the region of £5 or so different, even for brand new releases, and in my case, with fairly obscure and eccentric tastes in music, they quite often don't have what I'm looking for anyway.

"Coheed And Cambria, is that two different bands then ?"  ¶ 8:14 AM  

  John Peel Day

Tomorow is the first annual John Peel Day on Radio 1 and across the BBC, more details here. Tune in for a serious helping of Spanish Punk Flamenco, grindcore and wailing left wing 80's indie bands, it sounds great!  ¶ 8:04 AM  

 
That's a nasty wedgie  ¶ 7:59 AM  

  A Word From My Sponsors

  ¶ 7:52 AM  

  Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - Series 4 Week 2 Answers

I can't repost the pictures as Blogger won't let me, so scroll back to Tues Oct 4th to see them again.

Was this a hard quiz then ? It looks like most of you struggled a bit, if you picked up on the fact that they were all authors it made it a fraction easier.

1) Patricia Cornwell, maiden name Daniels, Dr. Kay Scarpetta

2) Thomas Wolfe, The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test

3) Thomas Hardy, The Mayor of Casterbridge

4) Jeffery Deaver, The Bone Collecter

5) Emily Bronte, Kate Bush

6) J M Coetzee, Waiting For The Barbarians

7) V S Naipul, Trinidad

8) Rudyard Kipling, on reading of his own death, he wrote to the magazine and asked to be removed from he list of subscribers.

9) Robert Burns, haggis

10) Bill Bryson, the Appalachian Trail

Week 2 Scores

Eleanor 21, full marks! Astounding!
MR 14
Dr.P 6
Mandy 6
Rachel 'O' 5
Chez 5
Penny Farthing 2
Ms B Haven 1

Week 2 League Table

1) Eleanor 37
2) MR 30
3) Dr. P 22
4) Chez 21
5) Rachel 'O' 18
6) EvilBarSteward 15
7) Dirk Thruster 14
= Penny Farthing 14
9) Miss Fitty 13
10) Mandy 6
11) Ms B Haven 1  ¶ 7:43 AM  

  Sadly, It's Under His Arms

Have you no shame man ? I particularly like the second picture, 'During Therapy', where Shane appears to have a small Star Wars Skimmer balanced on his bonce.

Shane Warne, cricket leg-end indeed, yeah! Yeah!

  ¶ 2:02 PM  

  Charlize Theron, you bad, bad girl  ¶ 10:07 AM  

  And some time later, who the bloody hell said that Blosxom was easy to use, can I get it to do anything at all ? No. It's sat there on my hard drive, unzipped, you open the blosxom folder and there is a file marked blosxom.cgi, what does this do ? It tells my that my pc does not recognise it and cannot open it.

I have read about 20 pages of blosxom info and I still have not the faintest idea of how this system is supposed to work.

The one advantage of Blogger is that it takes you through a 'push this button, then this one' process, this is what I need, I don't want to have to build my own TV set in order to watch Top Of The Pops, I don't want construct my own car in order to go to the shops, and I don't want to have to script my own web site before I can write.

So far then....

Blogger - cannot upload files or pictures in any format, constantly jamming and losing posts, since Google took over support has dwindled to zero, "Have you tried our FAQ/troubleshooting page ?" Of course I have you morons, that's why I'm now writing to you.

MT - Unzipped, does nothing, I'm baffled.

Blosxom - see MT, and by now I'm feeling stupid and annoyed, why can't I get either of these systems to do anything ?  ¶ 9:15 AM  

  Yin And Yang

Yesterday at the club we hosted a lunch for the God Squad, the Friends of Bradford Cathedral popped in for a bite to eat after morning worship at St. Mary's led by our man in direct contact with the Almighty*, the Most Very Rev Michael Burley.

* Just to clear any possible confusion, that's God rather than the British heavy metal band.

Strangely, and possibly in the interests of balance, Lucifer popped into the 19th for a pint and a pork pie.....

  ¶ 8:34 AM  

  Take That To Reform

Good, that saves me having to hire five seperate assassins then.  ¶ 8:30 AM  

  Well this is great, I'm still at blogger, why ? Because I have spent two hours so far on MT, it's been downloaded, unzipped, and what can I get it to do ? Nothing. I can't even find a button to press that will get the thing to start, and this was supposed to be easy to use ?  ¶ 7:38 AM  

 






















Tony T's fridge ?  ¶ 9:54 PM  

  Bloody Blogger

Oh what a surprise, Blogger isn't working properly today, well, it's a day with a Y in it so that must be the reason, Monday then, I'll try to switch to MT, I think that was the system recommended by most folk.  ¶ 7:59 AM  

  Guaranteed To Make You Smile....

Young Wayne gets kicked in the nads.

  ¶ 7:51 AM  

  That Soft Shoe Shuffle

Turn on Ellen (who ?) and dance your way to a cleaner floor, well, that's what they claim.

Personally, I think if you buy these you need locking up.  ¶ 3:45 PM  

  Linking

If anybody out there on the interwebnet is linking from their site to mine, and I have not provided a link in return, just e-mail me and I'll pop you into the links list, cheers. It's just that in the new welter of surfers hitting me for naked pics of Charlize Theron (and if blogger was working I could show you things she really shouldn't be doing at an awards ceremony!) and Natalie Portman (although naked she's much like she is as an actress, nothing special), I don't always notice linkers until they have provided a couple of hundred hits. Aaah, what it is to be popular.  ¶ 3:41 PM  

 
Est. 2002

Bugger it, I missed my own 3rd birthday, well the Yorkshire Soul blog's 3rd birthday anyway. 3 years, 1800+ posts, tens of thousands of words, hundreds of pictures of naked celebrities, dozens of links, hardly anything worth reading, and yet you're still here, reading this on a Friday afternoon rather than getting on with some work. Your company is losing money because of people like you, people spending far too long buggering about on blogs and linkfarms rather than getting that urgent project together, oh sod it then, put it off until Monday.

I would have posted some naked pics, but blogger's fucked up again, arse and double bugger.  ¶ 3:31 PM  

  Ronnie Barker Is Dead....

....so are Spike Milligan and Eric Morecombe, yet Ricky Gervais still lives, there is no justice, and I had just thought that when I saw this....



Made by Darren R over at b3ta.  ¶ 6:24 PM  

  Now Showing.....



Through - Philip King

"The Beauty of Shapes: the Place of Geometry in Sculptors’ Thinking is a display in the main sculpture galleries of Leeds City Art Gallery, including sculptures and sculptural drawings based on cubes, cones, spheres and other simple shapes. The show looks at how 20th century practitioners have responded to notions of the spiritual in geometry, as expressed by artists since the dawn of Western culture."  ¶ 8:05 AM  

  George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.

Little boy replies, "Billy".

"And what's your question, Billy?"

"I have 3 questions sir. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is.

"Steve"

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And fifth, what the fuck happened to Billy ?"

(Thanks to Chez)  ¶ 7:59 AM  

  Could any of the regulars recommend a publishing service other then Blogger ?

Since Google bought Blogger the service has been crap, you can no longer expect to get any help from blogger when you report a problem and hardly a day goes by without some part of the system stopping working, or the system crashing entirely.

I need a simple to use publisher, where I can transfer my archives with a limited amount of technical know how ? Where should I go ?  ¶ 7:50 AM  

 












Caption (s) ?  ¶ 7:47 AM  

  Rambling Quiz Update

Aaargh, and the complaints pile in, people phoning the Lebanese embassy just to get confirmation of an answer on one of my quizzes !!?? Good grief. Anyway, due to the many interpretations of the meaning of the red stripes on the Lebanese flag, MR, Chez, Rachel O and EvilBarSteward each get another point and the opening table looks like this.......

Week 1 League Table
1) Eleanor 16
= Dr. P 16
= MR 16
= Chez 16
5) EvilBarSteward 15
6) Dirk Thruster 14
7) Rachel 'O' 13
= Miss Fitty 13
9) Penny Farthing 12

A number of people in this week's quiz are dead, if there are any problems with the questions you can all pop round my place and we'll have a seance.  ¶ 7:35 AM  

  Yorlshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - Series 4 Week 2

Here we go, answers to yorkshiresoul@gmail.com, titles QUIZ WEEK 2, on/by Monday 10th Oct 2005, no lists of answers, no spoilers please.

1) Who is this, what was her maiden name, what doctor would you link with her ? (3)



2) Who is this, what test would you associate with him ?



3) Who is this, and with the mayor of which town is he linked ?



4) Who is this, how is he linked to Denzel Washington ?



5) Who is this, and which pop singer can you link with her ?



6) Who is this, and in 1980, who was he waiting for ?

7) Who is this, where was he born ?

8) Who is this, how did he react to reading of his own death ?



9) Who is this, what food is he associated with ?

10) Who is this, where did he walk in the woods ?

Easy ? Improbably difficult ? Have fun.

  ¶ 8:04 AM  

  Have Google done something to their picture archives so that Blogger users are ranked higher in their search engines ? I ask bcause I have been awash with visitors all weekend and into Monday, over 2,500 a day, this is most unusual for a week in which I have hardly mentioned naked pop stars.  ¶ 8:02 AM  

  Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - Series 4 - Week 1 Answers

Here we go, the slate is wiped clean, everyone has an equal chance, it's a marathon not a sprint.
It looks like I have buggered up my research slightly on Q2 and Q5, obviously if Damascus was destroyed twice then it was rebuilt twice, and I should have been more specific about the post of the person I was looking for in Q5.

1) What was the name of the field marshall who led the campaign to capture Jerusalem, Damascus and Allepo during WW1 ? (1)

Edmund Henry Hynman Allenby

2) Jerusalem was twice destroyed, who commanded the armies that destroyed it, and in between, who ordered it's rebuilding ? (3)

Nebuchadnezzar
Herod the Great - rebuilt, also Cyrus
Titus

3) Damascus is reckoned to be the oldest city in the world to be what ? (1)

Continously inhabited

4) Name the 4 seas that Israel borders ? (4)

Red
Dead
Mediterranean
Sea Of Galilee

5) What was the name of the short war in which Israel defeated the forces of Iraq - Egypt - Syria - Jordan, and who commanded the Israeli forces ? (2)

6 Day War
Moshe Dayan was the name I was looking for, but as the question was a bit wooly I'll take Yitzhak Rabin as well

6) What is the highest point of the West Bank ? (1)

Tall Asur

7) What is the significance of the red stripes on the Lebanese flag ? (1)

They represent the blood shed in the struggle for independence/liberation, you had to mention one of those aims to get the point.

8) When did Jordan become part of the Ottoman empire ? (1)

1517

9) What is the name of the world famous Lebanese vineyard that managed to produce wine in all but two years of the civil war ? (1)

Chateau Musar

10) Who is commemorated by the eagle on the Egyptian national flag ? (1)

Saladin

Week 1 League Table

1) Eleanor 16
= Dr. P 16
3) MR 15
= Chez 15
5) Dirk Thruster 14
= EvilBarSteward 14
7) Miss Fitty 13
8) Rachel O 12
= Penny Farthing 12

Well done folks, keep looking for the next quiz.  ¶ 7:38 AM  

  Book Review - The Walking Dead vol 1 Days Gone Bye, Vol 2 Miles Behind Us,Vol 3 Safety Behind Bars - Robert Kirkman with Tony Moore and Charlie Adlard*****



Nothing in the whole horror pantheon scares me more than zombies. The sudden appearance of a vampire or werewolf might make me jump, the possibility of a lurking murderous cannibal or poltergeist often has me shouting "Don't open the door" at the poor fools in the movie, but for sheer palpable, skin crawling terror, it's the shambling undead hordes that have the hoodoo on me.

Thus I approached Kirkman's retelling of the undead apocalypse with a sort of maggots in the belly anticipation.

A plot synopsis then, and I'll try not to give too many spoilers away. Kirkman uses the '28 Days Later' opening, cop Rick Grimes is injured during an interstate firefight, spends weeks in a coma, wakes up to find that (nearly) everyone else is dead, but not lying down. Rick's wife and young son are missing and he sets off to Atlanta where he presumes they have gone.

A lot of fairly standard zombie adventure fare follows, but Kirkman imbues his principal character with more empathy than you usually see in a graphic novel. Grimes the good cop is appalled and fearful of the world he finds, and when he stops by the roadside to put a rotting corpse out of it's half life misery, the act is so against his training and ingrained good nature that it leaves him emotionally shaken and in tears.

Two glitches that should have been picked up, why was the electricity still working in the police station ? And how did the stabled horse survive for weeks after the suicide of its owners ? These points are silly mistakes, but no bad enough to ruin the narrative.



By the time Grimes finds a group of fellow survivors, he has become a seasoned zombie killer. Rick's family have survived, and so has Rick's partner, fellow cop Shane. The interplay amongst the survivors is well written, Kirkman demonstrates that no matter what the circumstances, people find it hard to leave prejudice behind. Sexual and romantic tensions cause further strain within the group which culminate in a violent ending.

Book one ends as it began, with gunfire and death, a revelation and some home truths, and an excellent start to an ongoing comic series.



The second volume, 'Miles Behind Us', sees the now depreciated group of survivors traveling in search of a permanent home.

Twice the group find somewhere that looks fine at first sight and it is the second of these locales, with it's opinionated patriarch Hershel, that provides the high point of this book.

By now the entire band of survivors, including some new recruits, are regular gun toting, axe wielding, shoot 'em, chop 'em up zombie terminators. Hershel brings a new perspective, what if the zombie state is not a permanent effect ? What if a cure can be found ? How will you cope if you have merrily decapitated your family and some scientist manages to turn back the clock ?

'Miles Behind Us' ends with Rick and his band moving on again and catching sight of another possible home.

'Safety Behind Bars' sees the group entering the prison complex they glimpsed at the end of 'MBU' and meeting a small group of inmates who have survived the zombie holocaust.

Now that they have settled in comparative safety old tensions return, and within the walls a new danger lurks. A whole new cycle of death and violence is unleashed upon the survivors. Rick struggles for control with Tyreese and the prisoner Dexter. Hershel and his remaining family are brought within the prison walls and the changing political and sexual dynamics threaten the vialbility of the group.



The group faces a danger from within that readers will find glaringly obvious, see if you can spot the really bad guy as son as he appears ? They are also forced to confront the fact that some of their number feel unable to cope with this harsh ne