The Regulars : DSP Andy "Not feeling so good Andy ?" "No, sore throat, in fact I'm feeling a little horse"

Filling The Diana Fountain On the day I devoted myself to my dearest, Di and Dodi died, what appalling timing, but at least it helps me to remember my wedding anniversary, as a little tribute to our 'Princess of Hearts' then I have managed to uncover a picture of the workers filling the Diana fountain.......

What's That Horrible Whining Noise ? It's only the Australians moaning about the cricket , they think they're about to lose the Ashes , I think they might be right.

Goodbye, I Enjoyed The Thrash Full story over at Punk Vinyl

Good News........TATU Are Back! With a new single "All About Us" due to be realeased shortly, which sounds pretty much like the stuff from the first UK album and their older Russian material, but hey ho, it's not just about the singing eh boys ? The band caused a storm of controversy, mainly amongst elderly Tory MP's, when they pretended to be lesbian schoolgirls in order to get a bit of publicity. It worked a treat, with a load of upper class octagenarians banging on in the news about how a generation of innocent schoolgirls were being corrupted by the evil sapphic Russians they couldn't fail to get a big chart hit. It was a publicity stunt Max Clifford would have been proud of, maybe he could do something similar for the Conservatives, "Allan Clarke is a shirtlifter!", anyway, I digress. T.A.T.U. were for a long time my all time #1 hit generator, before they faded and were replaced by Nancy Dell'Olio and Danica Patrick. But, I've noticed a lot of resurgent interest in my archives recently, it seems there's a heap of you out there who are quite keen to see TATU naked, or doing rude things with each other, fear not, I will respond, Yorkshire Soul will be google #1 again, meanwhile, here's a taster. TATU not naked.

Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - Series 3 Week 9 Only three months late, here's a reminder of where you stand, or fall... 1) Malcolm R 114 2) Eleanor 108 3) Chez 97 4) Dr. P 88 5) Penny Farthing 57 =, Saeri 57= 7) I am a Donut 52 8) Alex H(Yorkshire Ranter) 26 9) Chay 14 10) Jo (Counting Sheep) 13 11) Deborama 12 12) Katherine(Chatiryworld) 9 12) Cocky 8 14) Ric B 6 15) Stuart 2 16) Tony T 0 As always, answers to yorkshiresoul@gmail.com, headed "quiz week 9", answers by/on Sunday 4th September, no spoilers please, no lists of answers. The first five pics are world leaders, name and country please, the second five are footballers, name and CURRENT club please. 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10)

Oh My Jangling Nerves Right, honestly now, when Flintoff's stumps were shattered by the inspired Brett Lee, how many England fans thought, "Oh Lord, the Ozzies are going to bloody beat us ?". I did, I couldn't sit still, I was pacing up and down the dining room alternatively exhorting and cursing our players. We were hugely lacking in common sense, and Lee and Warne were pumped up and determined. Did you see Lee's face when he got Freddie ? He thought he'd won the match. At least three England players deserve a sound spanking for their suicidal batsmanship in the 2nd innings, Pieterson played like a complete fool and was very lucky to make the runs he did, Bell - well, why mate ? It wasn't a dangerous ball, you're only three foot four, duck under it you muppet, G Jones - outright bloody stupidity. The whole team batted as if it were the final few overs of a one day match, and the Ozzies bowled the same way. We should have won this test easily, it might have taken until Monday morning, but that doesn't matter, sometimes, slow and steady does it is the right way, and not least because the other way is turning me into a nervous bloody wreck.

The Regulars : Brooke Tiny, petite, single portion sized Brooke fled England for the colder climes of her native Canada. After four years of dismal university meals Brooke was once more able to indulge herself in Maple Syrup, reindeer goulash, polar bear fricasee and pickled beaver.

Colin Farrell

Radio Leeds often drag ex-LUFC players out of retirement to present programs about the mighty Whites, after matches at the moment you can "Have Your Say With Eddie Gray." This replaces "Have A Chunter With Norman Hunter". When LUFC have lost by more than two goals you can tune in to "Call The Ref A Cunt With Jason Blunt."

Millions Feared Dead ? Usually I bring you sorry tales of stupidity and ineptitude performed by my own staff, but this comes direct from the Pro-shop, I would change names to protect the guilty, but Jimmy doesn't deserve it. Hammo has a newspaper, he is showing Jimmy the pictures of the flooding in Switzerland. "Has it been raining then ?" says our boy. "Yes," says Hammo. "What else could it have been ?" "I thought it might have been one of them tsunami things."

Home Secretary Charles Clarke is to publish a list of reasons to be applied when deporting undesirable foreigners, here's my suggestion for the list.... Constant appealing even when the ball has clearly missed bat, pads, stumps and keeper. Shane Warne, what's going on ?

Diamond Duck Nick relates this tale of cricketing woe... It was the day of 11 year old Nick's Yorkshire Cricket Trial, the high point of any young cricketers fledgling career, as a promising spinner Nick was relishing the thought of getting the ball onto a dry, well used wicket when the coach organising the trials said, "right, you can be opening bat." With some trepidation Nick borrowed a helmet, padded up and made his way out into the middle, he stood at the non-striker's end, the opening quick bowler pounded past him and released the first ball, it flew, bounced, his partner swung and connected, the ball skipped past the slips. "Yes," shouted Nick and set off for the run. At the first step his three sizes too large temporary helmet swung around on his head and blocked his view, gamely he ran on, he tried to lift the helmet but couldn't locate the visor and grill which by now had moved around to be over his shoulder, he kept running, and running, and running. "Howzat," went up the shout from behind him, followed by laughter. Nick stopped, fumbled with his helmet and looked around, he had run wide of the crease, with the helmet and bat pulling him he had turned left and run off into the outfield and was now heading for gully. The other team had retrieved the ball, thrown it back in and knocked his stumps over. Out, diamond duck, run himself out on the first ball without actually facing a ball. Nick's Yorkshire career ended there and then.

And Throw Away The Key There were dawn raids yesterday as police enacted Charles Clarke's draconian new powers to stop people preaching hate. A dishevelled and bleary eyed Yorkshire Soul was dragged screaming from his home and accused of fomenting hatred against Lancastrians. "They're all scallys," he was alledged to have said shortly before being thrown into the back of a police car. Cheif Inspector Brutus of the newly formed Special Arrest A Muslim Squad said that Yorkshire Soul was being taken into custody pending extradition. When it was pointed out that the prisoner would have to be extradited back to Yorkshire he was heard to mutter something about firing squads and the free press. Police have said that a suspicious package of rancid Yorkshire puddings posted to the Lancashire cricket captain hd Yorkshire Soul's finger prints on it, and that Yorkshire Soul had repeatedly said "You can't call people terrorists just for throwing Whitby Tea Brack at Blackburn Rover's fans."

Here We Go Again Vs. I don't think my nerves will stand up to another fifth day, final ball, do or die finish.

The Regulars : Snowbabies Paul and Debbie over at Snowbabies may try to portray themselves as just an average couple living a normal life, but you know what they say, it's always the quiet ones. For you delectation and visual delight, I have managed to unearth a photo of the loved up couple's first date. Oh good lord, if Tony T's thong was bad (scroll down), what is Paul thinking here, the crotchless thong! Never a good look if you ask me.

Courtney Coogan ? It's the bastard offspring you hope would only appear at the end of horror movies surrounded by pitchfork wielding peasants. Courtney Love claims to be pregnant by comic actor Steve Coogan. She claims they had a two week shag fest when they met at a hotel. The unremittingly dim Courtney said, "He forced me into some very unsafe sexual practices, I hope he hasn't given me anything." Apart from the baby ? This got me thinking, the world would be a much stranger place if rock chicks kept falling for strange comedians, now I can't do photoshop so you'll just have to imagine what the offspring of these pairings might looks like, I have and it's keeping me awake at nights.... Spike Milligan and Bette Midler. It hardly bears thinking about, better drowned at birth. Ken Dodd an K D Lang, so for reasons of Lang's sexuality this is most unlikely of pairings, but just think, "How tickled I am to get to put a bun in your oven." This though is the terrible thought that kept me writhing in bed, clutching the duvet for comfort and shouting, "NO, NO, IT CANNOT BE TRUE" in a wild and anguished manner, can you for a moment imagine the horror that would be birthed if.... .....Marty Feldman had lain with Tina Turner, send for those pitchfork wielding peasants right away.

And Much Alcohol Was Consumed Mostly by me judging from the state of my hangover this morning. Nearly the whole gang, back row l-r Fairy Clare, Johnny Depp's stalker Carol, Lovely Robyn, James, Mrs YS, Libby, Jenna. Front row l-r, Ladyboy Steven, Minichav Sarah, Chefette Becca, YS, Ros, Rachel, Rob. Jonathan and Jess, we missed you!

The Regulars : P Born into a tribe of West Norfolk mollusc herders, the enigmatic P spent his formative years driving packs of edible snails to and from their ancestral breeding grounds in the lowland fens. P yearned for something different from the life of an invertebrate shepherd, he swore that when his chance came he would never work a day again in his life, eventually his dream came true and he became an IT specialist. When not stapling small pieces of tinfoil to his torso, P likes to drink red deisel, eat rubber truck tyres and to quiver and twitch uncontrollably.

Fly, Fly Away My Little Birds So here we are again, approaching the end of the summer and a large group of my staff are about to leave for university, gap years or even, shock horror, to get a real job. This year I am saying goodbye to Rachel, my longest serving (both literally and erm, literally) member of staff, Jenna, Chefette Becca and fairy Clare who are all bound for their first year of university, Ros who departs for the 14eme as part of her modern languages studies, plus my old friend and verbal sparring partner Clare F has finally found a job and is off to teach dancing over the border in Lancashire. Because this is my own show I have become closer to my staff here than at any previous job, I am going to be genuinely sorry to lose the brigade who are departing this year. I know most of the gang call in at Yorkshire Soul from time to time, and because I might be either tongue tied or embarrassingly pissed at tonight's leaving do I'm going to praise you lot to the heavens here. It's been a fun year working with Becca, seldom dull, often, ahem, shall we say interesting ? On occasion exasperating, but seldom dull. Becca likes to party to excess , listens to far too much Oasis (which by my definition is ay at all) but still manages to keep the kitchen running in a more or less orderly fashion. Thanks for the last year Becca, it's been a lot of fun. Becca is going on to train as a nurse, they say laughter is the best medicine, nurse Becca should cure a whole heap of folk then. I would like to wish Ros all the best for your travels to Paris and Barcelona, you lucky bugger, fancy getting to work in two of the world's really great cities. Ros is a little bit of a quiet soul at work, whereas I'm a noisy metalhead, our interests are so different that we're not the most garrulous pair when we are working together, but Ros, if you read this, I think you are star. Always pleasant, always smiling, never, ever complaining and endlessly hard working, (I was especially impressed with you on the BBQ when when we ended up short staffed and you took over the kitchen whilst I was stranded out on the BBQ), keep in touch Ros, I'd love to hear stories from Europe. Rachel has been with me from my first season here at IGC, I know you say it is because it's the most convenient job for you Rach, with you living only a minute's walk away, but it is a job you have performed well and always with a smile (often a bemused smile at the rubbish I spout). If you want to come back to work during uni holidays you will be most welcome. Quiet Jenna sees both sides of the fence here at the club, she's a club member and a member of staff, I just trust she doesn't tell the rest of the membership anything that's said in the kitchen. A short story about Jenna......we were doing a really busy night, it was warm and summery and the lady guests were sitting out on the balcony in their finest, I had been serving food on the balcony and wandered back into the kitchen. "There's some really great crumpet here tonight," I said. "Check out the bird on the balcony in the white jacket, she's so hot." I thought the girls were ignoring me but I got a result when Jenna came back in to the kitchen a few minutes later and shouted in outrage.... "THAT'S MY MUM!". Cheers Jenna, and your mum's still a babe! Clare B, fairy Clare, always gives off that air of not being entirely on the same level as everyone else, completely mad when her and Becca are working together, completely in love when she's working with Steven (I be you're blushing now Clare!). The work always gets done though, thanks Clare. If any of you want to come back to work, you will be most welcome, holidays, gap years, whenever, just give me a ring. My staff have been, and still are, the brightest, most beautiful, hard working, exceptionally pleasant, sometimes maddening, always fun to work with brigade I could hope for, and that includes all the folk who have not been mentioned here. The end of summer roll call looks like this, Chefling Steven, Carol, Jessica, Sarah, Libby and Robyn, you guys are just as special as the ones I have been praising here. Thanks for all your hard work during your time here, despite being a grumbling old sod in the kitchen I do actually appreciate all your efforts. We'll raise a glass or two together tonight, best wishes for the future, I won't wish you good luck, you will create your own luck by your own hard work. Call back tomorrow, I've got a word about university life for you.

The Regulars 2 She was the hottest babe in the Caribbean, beautiful, sultry, intelligent and witty, worshipped by men and envied by women everywhere, her blog, Guabancex , manages to amuse and inform at the same time. Then, well, it started as a fad, developed into an infatuation and finally became a full blown addiction, sweet potato pudding, once you start you can't stop, or so they say. Now she lives the life of a hermit, shunned by friends and family, even Brian Lara has stopped writing to her, I'm sorry Dorna, but you've had just one pudding too many. (Er, slightly NSFW)

Courtney Love Naked Ok, ok, I can hear the screaming from here. I'm with you on this one, the drug addled, bulldog faced ex Mrs Cobain is no oil painting. Maybe I should retitle this one 'Celebrity Mingers'. Minger translation for overseas readers, does 'minging' sound like a really horrible word ? Yes, that's what it is then. Aaargh! Make the bad thing go away Mummy! Hang on though, take the hair away, squint at the photo, and........Gollum, or a large Cod. Quick Captain, there's something rising on the port bow, throw more bait. Anyway, if there is anyone left on the planet who hasn't seen Courtney Love naked, here she is. It might be someone's cup of tea, or syringe of crack, whichever. Oooh, it sends a shiver down your spine, in a rather Hitchcockian manner.

The Regulars As so many of us bloggers are invisible to you the readers, I thought I would collect a few pictures of the regular commenters here at Yorkshire Soul, just so you know who you are talking to. First up then, that paragon of Australian manhood, Tony T over at Aftergrog Blog.... Form an orderly queue now ladies.

Perfect Breasts : 2 "Dear Yorkshiresoul, My name is Jennifer Jacobson, and I run the web site perfect breasts. The other day I wrote you to let you know I'm very interested inexchanging links. I'm sending this reminder in case you didn't receive myfirst letter. I've gone ahead and posted a link to your site, on this page...perfectbreastsnow.com As you know, reciprocal linking benefits both of us by raising our searchrankings and generating more traffic to both of our sites. Please post alink to my site as follows: Description: !!!!!!Recently one of my girlfriends was searching the webfor a product to help her enhance her breasts/boobs size (Boussant,Bloussant, Breast success, breast pills, breast bust, breast enhancers,bigger boobs, breast cancer, nipples, women, xxx, sex, better sex, tits,jugs) and she found the best product!!!!!!!!!!!" "Dear Jennifer, I responded with the perfectly reasonable request that if you were to show me your perfect breasts, then I might well feature your website on the runaway juggernaut of success that is yorkshiresoul.org, Looking forward to seeing your baps, Yorkshiresoul." It's a fair request isn't it ? I want a bit of proof that's all, are this woman's breasts perfect ? Are they the finest pair of tits, the most marvellous melons, the most jaw dropping jugs I will ever have laid my eyes upon ? Or is she hiding something from me ?

Just The One Then Please Sam Adams Utopias beer, designed as an after dinner drink, and made to be consumed from fairly small glasses, it is a staggering 25% abv. Oddly, the company website sates that "Due to legal restrictions, Samuel Adams Utopias? can not be sold in the states of Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Iowa, Missouri, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Ohio, Oregon, South Carolina, Washington, and West Virginia." Sorry folks, apprarently you're just too soft to drink extreme beer. I don't think it is on sale in the UK either, but on some US sites it is being sold for around $200 a bottle, at that price, maybe I'll just buy a few cases of Leffe instead.

Hic, I Can't Even Hold On To The Walls Brother in law mk.2 sends me these pictures of a strangely bendy drinking establishment. I have no other information though, which of my well travelled regulars knows where this is ?

This Just Doesn't Seem Right The Marton restaurant in Taipei, Taiwan (apologies if that was a bit of a London - England dumbism) has an unusual choice of interior decor and plate service..... Would you feel comfortable eating your dinner on the throne ? Old Joke..... Child - "Mummy, Mummy, can I lick the the bowl?" Mother - "No, you can flush it like everyone else does."

Fair Trade Websites : Oops File It has been brought to my attention that some of the Fair Trade links I posted yesterday didn't actually work, I think I have fixed the links in question now, scroll down for loads of Fair Trade goodies.

Where Have The Fuckers Gone ? Someone keeps on stealing all the Fucking signs

What Was Giger Thinking Of, Oh, The Money A Giger alien back scratcher Even more worryingly, when you look at the full size picture, it suddenly becomes a Giger alien sex toy, yuch.

Ooops, Bugger If like me, you are on occasion slightly heavy handed with your wine glasses (drunk and incapable), then youy might be interested in the Schott-Zwiesel Tritan wine glass, shatter resistant and dishwasher safe. Instant update - and apparently not on sale in the UK, bugger.

Just for Sarah Not naked, Jessica Simpson looking rather like young Britney, maybe it is Britney, there seems to be a clone machine turning these girls out. Take Faith Hill for example (and I bet you would), although pics of Jessica Simpson naked are very hard to come by, Faith flashes the flesh in a much more uninhibited fashion, Faith Hill naked.

Chicken Burger Mmmmm, crunchy.

Fair Trade Websites As featured in this week's Indy. Ethical Shopper Ethical Wares Fair Window Online Ganesha Go Fair Hug New Consumer Peopletree Silverchilli Traidcraft

I Don't Like Cricket, I Love It I was just about to have a rant about our press, I turned on the radio this morning and the R5 muppetline for this morning is 'Have England blown the Ashes ?' It seems to have escaped the attention of certain parts of the BBC that we are all square with two tests still to play. At other parts of the BBC, such as the good folk compiling the website, things are better, here are the BBC's six reasons why Ashes cricket is better than Premiership football . Or mid table Championship football in LUFC's case. The rather odd photo above shows Australian bowler and gurner Brett Lee picking up a rubber severed foot that some wag in the Old Trafford crowd chucked on the pitch, imagine if it had been thrown at te other Old Trafford, game halted, players rolling around in agony as a rubber foot passes within six feet of them and Roy Keane running eighty yards to get into a fight.

CNN News Try the BBC instead.

And What Did You Come As ? Suggestions ?

Female Hormones In American Meat Look what's happened to Dustin Hoffman! I presume this is NSFW, but really, everything about this is wrong.

I Can Tell Maggie Thatcher From A Porn Star But can you ? Go on, play it at the office, then get sacked.

Fantasy Football I've picked my team. NSFW.

Too Harsh ? Not Harsh Enough I Say "Oh and don't believe everything you read, from any side of the argument as there will always be a bias." Wosser points out that there are two sides to every story, and that the sources I used for the article on supermarkets (below) may be biased. I agree, but although these people may be biased, it does not make them wrong in this instance. The sources used to paint this picture of the supermarkets were from people as diverse as Stephen Byers MP, Oxfam, T&G Union, House Of Commons Food & Rural Affairs Committee, Business Week, Citizens Advice Bureau, Which magazine, Cap-Gemeni Consultancy. The point is, that even with all these people lined up against them (and dozens of other national and international bodies railing against them), the food giants just run another tv campaign with a cuddly ex-chef and a witty but dull by line and pretty soon everyone calms down again and thinks that everything is ok. Everything is not ok. There isn't space or time here to list all the things that are so badly wrong with our food industry, but you could find out quite a bit by searching out these fine tomes... Fast Food Nation - Eric Schlosser (0060938455) Not On The Label - Felicity Lawrence (0141015667) Shopped : The Shocking Power of British Supermarkets - Joanna Blythman (0007158033 ) The Good Shopping Guide - Charlotte Muvey (0954252969 ) It is wrong to think to you, as one person, cannot change things. It may seem that the forces of greed, evil and the inertia of the public are insurmountable problems, so just do what you can. Do a little this week, and a little more the week after, get your friends to join you, together, we can make some sort of difference.

Rain and Ponting Save The Ozzies I can't stand many more tests like the last two, nail biting, hair tearing tension has become the order of the day, which buffoon said cricket was boring ? The game turned and swung all through the last day, wickets were falling but the Australian captain Ricky Ponting (height - 2 foot six) played a magnificent innings to save the day for his team. It's not often that the English summer has intervened to save the once mighty Australians, but they'll be sinking a few beers tonight and blessing the water laden Mancunian skies, without that day of rain it would have been another four day test and 2-1 to England, dammit.

'Super'markets, Mammon Says All Is Well I think I have finally reached my limit with supermarkets, the giant food conglomerates now control 75%+ of retail food sales in the UK, they crush competitors, use dubious and immoral tactics to win more share of the market and they are not even very good. When we have traveled to Paris and Barcelona in the last couple of years I have been overwhelmed by the markets there. Huge displays of fantastic looking fresh fruit and veg, fish stalls with dozens of varieties of fresh fish, freshly baked breads releasing their wonderful yeasty aromas, hanging displays of meat, game and charcuterie that have me drooling. Then you go to a market here, and often you get the rather sad displays of items rejected by the supermarkets, fish stalls that offer farmed salmon, smoked haddock, cod and a few defrosting exotics, and our idea of charcuterie ? Black pudding or hugely overpriced, water filled glazed hams. Recently I decided to start using Fairtrade products here at Ilkley Golf Club, now I would like to go a step further and start sourcing more local products, using smaller suppliers and taking my trade away from the massive multi-nationals. This has to be done carefully of course, I still need to make a decent profit and I need to ensure that my own job and those of my staff who rely on me are not endangered by my ongoing social / moral stance. I'm hoping though that with some assistance from he committee we can change over nearly all of our purchasing to smaller, independent suppliers. In some areas this will obviously entail price rises, nobody can compete with the likes of Tesco on bread, milk and other items that are sold as loss leaders (or KVI's, Known Value Items). We are price capped at the club, prices are determined by the committee and not by me, so I will have to do a bit of persuading in order to show people that a few minor price rises will actually be beneficial in the long run. I have been feeling more and more anti-supermarkets recently, after a number of questions to my local Tesco were ignored completely I began thinking why am I giving them so much trade if they obviously don't care at all what I think ? Then, I picked up a copy of Felicity Lawrence's 'Not On The Label' at last months Bookcrossing , combined with reading Eric Schlosser's 'Fast Food Nation' this has just about turned me off fast food and supermarkets altogether. I worry about the implications my purchasing power have on other people, am I keeping immigrant workers in conditions that could easily be described as slavery, right here in the UK, just because I buy bagged salads from supermarkets ? Am I helping to keep workers in Kenya, Nigeria and the Caribbean in poverty because I buy trayed vegetables or cut price bananas ? Can I be at all comfortable with the fact that thousands of tons of fruit and vegetables are trashed by the food giants (for not being up to dubious 'visual beauty' standards) whilst millions starve in the third world ? No, it keeps me awake at night worrying about it. You remember how we all laughed at Daily Mail stories of insane Brussels legislation for minimum length carrots and straiter bananas ? Well the supermarkets are doing this right now, if you are contracted to supply five tons of 100cm carrots next Tuesday and your carrots have deviated from the contracted length, you might just be going bankrupt mate. We all went to the continental market in Ilkley last weekend, fantastic foods, salami's, rillete, pates, cheeses, breads, it wasn't cheap, but it was all good. It all looked and tasted like real food. In France they would probably laugh at this idea, a touring market selling real food, but their government brought in laws to regulate the supermarkets 30 years ago, they still have a craftsman baker, a master butcher, a greengrocer, cheesemonger and fishmonger in every town, they still understand the importance of the raw materials. So here I am, trying to do my bit again. That bag of rocket from the supermarket, it just turns to ashes in my mouth when I realise that some poor soul from Portugal, Brazil or Morocco has spent a ninety hour week picking it, getting well under minimum wage, being charged NI and Tax even though they are working illegally, and then having most of the remainder of their wages taken in 'rent' money by the gangmasters. Go Farmer - buy direct from the farm in the UK Feastnet - smaller producers cutting out the supermarkets

That's Going To Sting Not for those likely to faint at the sight of blood, if getting a tattoo and a nose ring isn't extreme enough for you, have you considered getting some scarification ? Just allow some grinning loon with a sharp knife to slice strips off you in the name of beauty, safe for work ? Er, depends on how much blood you like to see in the office.

What's In Your Wallet A rather oddball meme