Thursday, June 30, 2005

Dear Mumsy,

We played the rough boys at cricket again this week they were horrible. Simon threw a ball at me and it hit me on the chest and really hurt a lot and I've got a bruise and everything and I shouted at him but the umpire didn't even do anything and it's not fair waaaaaaaaaah.

Your loving son,

Matthew.

Yes this week's cricket news is that the australians are whining, not exactly news though is it ? Justin Langer's complaining that the Ozzies are being barracked by the Barmy Army, and Matthew Hayden is moaning on and on and on about Simon Jones chucking a ball at him.

Look you whinging Ozzie, Jones shouldn't have thrown the ball, he was in the wrong (although it was pretty funny) and realising that he was in the wrong he apologised right away, without a moments delay he said sorry.

A gentleman would have accepted the apology and moved on, an Australian cricketer of old would have filed it away and then made his point with the bat next time around, not so Matt Hayden, he says he has "no right of reply" to this vicious English assault. He has made his "no right of reply" point to every newspaper, tv, radio and net journalist who has wandered within earshot of the injured Oz cricketer.

Listen Hayden, you big soft poof, shut up and play the game, and Langer, this is how we support our teams, it's part of English support, we don't just support our lads, we give grief to your lads, get with it.

All together now....."We hate Man U and we hate Man U......"
Aishwarya Rai



Nice. Here comes the zeitgeist hit builder.... Aishwarya Rai naked, did I say Aiswarya Rai naked ? Oh yes, come on India, rack up those hits. More Bollywood fun later.....
Mr. Duckworth & Mr. Lewis

So, Australia bat steadily and plod along at a rate of 5.22 an over. Then it rains. When the match restarts the terrible Duckworth-Lewis method has been used to work out haw many runs England need to win, 200 from 33 overs, or 6.06 an over.

Why did England have to make 28 runs more than Australia to win the match ?

Then it rained again anyway so it is all moot, plus the fact that the side batting first nearly always wins over here - quality of lighting perhaps ?

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Broughton Hall Game Show - The Birdman Challenge

The first person to reach the other side of the river wins a thousand pounds and a barrel of ale.



Hang on, that's a Man U kit, DON'T RESCUE HIM!



Same design as last year, same sorry fate.



A nearly naked man with a large coconut stuffed into his underpants. Frankly, I'm baffled.



The Rocketman falls gracefully into the river.



Whoa there, this is the Birdman Challenge, not a ruddy camp site.



Oh I see, you're going to fly a tent across the river.






Tents, aerodynamic properties = nil, comic properties = excellent.



Now this looks promising, a toboggan.



It'll be like the Cresta Run but on grass.


Here it comes, look at it's speed, elegance and grace!


Look as it trundles off course towards the river bank, a word of advice lads, steering.




Well done lads, that was even more hopeless than last year's bi-plane, it was daft, heroically daft and had the crowd laughing happily in the sunshine. I can't wait to see what they some up with for next year's show.

Candice says that the Big Red Boys should do this next year in addition to the White Wells New Years dip, dressed as fat chickens, I'll start on my costume right away!
A Bradfordian Dies

So Richard Whiteley has heard the final Countdown. Sometimes God plays little jokes, he puts us down in Yorkshire, and then when we die we are expected to believe that we are going on to a better place.

It must be free Black Sheep Bitter, rare roast beef and Yorkshire puddings, dappled sun, wind and the odd shower on the hills, Broughton Game Show every weekend, the Whites top of the Premier League (just above the Blades, the Owls and the Bantams), Yorkshire thrashing Lancs every week.

Heaven, just a slight improvement on Yorkshire.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Broughton Hall Game show 2005

The whole gang, minus JR who was working, made our way North of Skipton to sample the fun on offer at this year's game show.



Bees from the Denholme Gate beekeepers. The hives are moved around during the season so that the bees produce many different kinds of honey, from pale and almost set rape to clear and runny borage to my favourite, dark and scented Ilkley Moor heather honey, I bought two jars.



The Upper Wharfedale Fell Rescue tent, much of the proceeds of the day goes towards funding this voluntary organisition. They work in tandem with the emergency services, providing specialist rescue teams for the hills and caves in the area.



Natalie gets her face painted as a pretty butterfly.


Grrrr, it's Stephen the tiger, although he was fairly bouncy all day, so that might be Tigger.



Ellie the pink bunny rabbit, complete with matching hat and glasses.


A Barn Owl, it was stunningly beautiful.



And a Bald Eagle, you might see more of this bird later in the year, when the hunting season starts it is possible to go for a day's hunting with the eagles and falcons and despite the cost I really fancy doing it.



Vikings, reconciling their differences in the traditional Viking manner.



Nats, Ellie, Brother in Law mk.1 Kevin and Joseph.


The main parade ring with Broughton Hall, home of the Tempest family, on the right.



At the archery demonstration, Joseph doesn't seem to be a natural born killer.



Unlike psycho YS here, "Are there any French cavalry I can practice on ?"



The Craven Old Wheels Rally.



The Russian Yakalevs Duo Aerobatic display team, they were really good, whoosh, zoom.




The Cock, Ball, Nipple and Touchhole Club, firing an assortment of ancient weapons at unsuspecting clay pigeons.

I'm going to do a seperate posting for the highlight of the da, the Broughton Birdman Challange, call back soon.

Sunday, June 26, 2005



I just don't know what is going here, but my advice would be...

1) Don't ever take E's and go to raves

2) If you must go to raves never, ever wear a padded tank top and half a sleeping bag

3) If you have ingnored my first two points of advice, just make sure you don't piss yourself and let someone take photo's of you, got that ?

It's a Maria Sharapova Pillow, honestly, go shopping here.

The King Is Dead....

I'm not really bothered for tennis, there are only a couple of things I like about it, but it has been hilarious this week to witness the demise of the housewives favourite 'Tiger' Tim Henman, and then to see his fans switch their alliegence instantly to a spotty, argumentative teenager who might find that his fitness would hold up if he got out of bed before 2pm each day and actually did some training.

Worst whinger of the week award goes to Sean Connery who drivelled on that he hoped "people wouldn't hold it against the lad that he came from Scotland." Why on earth would they ? We don't have anything against the Scots, but pro-SNP and all round Scots whinger Connery doesn't actually love Scotland that much himself now does he ? Where do you think the slaphead actor lives ? Aberdeen, Inverness, Edinburgh perhaps ? Or is it the Bahamas ?

Anyway, here's the young pretender..



And here are the two things I really like about tennis....

Please Give Generously

I know you have all seen the pictures, the wave of water, the poor souls clinging to trees and buildings with the look of terror and despair on their faces. There are people out there who have seen their dwellings and posessions washed away on a vast, fast moving wall of water, who have lost all they owned to a freakish event of nature.

They have been left without proper food, clean water or decent sanitation, and on top of all this they have been forced to listen to Coldplay.

These people are at there lowest ebb, please send large bundles of used fivers to...

Yorkshire Soul's Vintage Rioja Glastonbury Appeal
The Wine Cellar A Flooded Tent
Yorkshire Somerset

Friday, June 24, 2005

A Shocker!

News just in, another cricketing upset as the minnows of world cricket, Australia, managed a shock 50 run upset of the mighty England side.

Australia looked a little better last night, Symonds was impressive but got out making a suicidal run, the Ozzies bowling was much better, especially early on, England's shot selection was poor. To be honest, England should have got past Australia's modest total, but some excellent bowling and much improved fielding locked them out.

Who knows, if they carry on like this, Australia just might beat Bangladesh to the final.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Another day, another buffet

I came down to work early to prepare a salmon, I opened a tub of mayonnaise and found.....



.....the face in the mayonnaise. Nobody will admit to it, current betting has 'Lovely' Robyn or Fairy Clare as the culprit. Anyway I was dressing a salmon....


...which quite obviously I have overpoached, bugger. Right, time for rule of Cheffery no.3, when in doubt - cobble it together.



Because the fish has dropped a little as a result of overcooking, my fault, I have filled in the holes with mayo, now it's back in the fridge to chill again so that I can garnish and glaze it.




Now it's looking better with the addition of some picked parsley, thin cucumber scales and red pepper diamonds. Aspic has been poured over the top, onto the chilled fish so that it sets on contact, to make it glisten.



Dressed up with lemon and dill baskets, more poached salmon is placed in front of the main fish so that it remains untouched until half of the diners have passed along the buffet line.
The Krombacher Classic

Ilkley Golf Club hosted the annual Krombacher Classic Golf Tournament last week. It was a good day, 75 golfers, we didn't manage to defend the trophy that the Ilkley team won last year but everyone enjoyed the day, the beer, the wine and the food.



Mmmm, pork pies hot from the oven.



Fairy Clare preps the salads.



Making lemon tarts, if we're going to use recipe books then we use the best, Larousse Gastronomique.



The Krombacher classic buffet.



Dessert table, lemon tart with creme fraiche or chocolate and brandy pots.



The cheeseboard, we cut up cheese onto platters in front of the main cheeseboard so that the display remains attractive, when the last few diners are coming in we allow them to hack into the large pieces of cheese.
Retrosexual

Retrosexual (ret.roh.SEK.shoo.ul) n. A man with an undeveloped aesthetic sense who spends as little time and money as possible on his appearance and lifestyle. - from the new OED

"Genuine guys are sometimes known as retrosexuals, to distinguish them from metrosexuals, who are men with the good taste of gay men, only they're straight. Metrosexuals are scrupulous about their grooming and are great consumers of men's cosmetic products. They use hair gel. Retrosexuals are scared of hair gel. Some people think that retrosexuals automatically have Neanderthal views about women, but this is not the case. A retrosexual is simply someone who doesn't know the difference between teal and aqua, and frankly couldn't give a damn".—Margaret Wente, "I married a retrosexual," The Globe and Mail (Canada), February 14, 2004

Ok then, a teal is small duck, aqua, I think, were a fairly crap Euro-pop outfit, and I use hair gel, albeit to give me a post - modernist - ironic punk spike, am I then a Metrosexual, Retrosexual or just all round awkward bugger ?


DSP Andy had better look out, the vermin are organised!
The World of Mayonnaise, where condiments collide, apprently, could be messy.
Keep rare species of cattle alive by eating them.

Sunday, June 19, 2005



And you wonder why I don't play golf ? Captions ?
He said he was tired, but has he been asleep for 11 months ?
I presume that there are no good restaurants in Melbourne then ?
Mismatch

It is becoming increasingly obvious that there is an imbalance in the world's greatest sport. Although there is a good argument to be made for allowing certain nations to compete alongside the big boys, these matches with their oh so predictable outcomes are becoming so run of the mill that perhaps the cricket authorities should think twice before allowing them to compete.

It can be said that allowing sides to compete against the top cricketing nations allows them valuable match experience that can only be good for them and for cricket as a whole. But on the other hand, it isn't good entertainment to see the same side getting drubbed again and again and again.

It's obvious that one side is just a make weight in the current triangular series with the public wanting them out of the way so that they can the main event later in the summer. So come on ICC, let's have Australia packed back off down under so we can play against a proper cricket side, like Bangladesh. Or Somerset.


Captions ?
Super, Super Bangladesh

Australia, the giants of world cricket, were humbled yesterday by the minnows of Bangladesh. Australia lost three early wickets and plodded to an acceptable total of 249, but their mis-firing bowling attack proved easy to cope with for the Tigers and Bangladesh stormed to victory in the final over.



Captain Habibul Bashar on his way to 47 against Australia.



Mashrafe Mortaza traps Gilchrist leg before with the second ball of the match.



Here is the bloke that did the damage, Mohammad Ashraful celebrates his century.

As the Australians plunged to their third consecutive defeat, captain Ricky Ponting admitted that they were getting close to panic with the Ashes looming.

In other funny Australian cricket news, Andrew Symonds was dropped from the one day side at the last moment when turned up at the ground stinking of booze after an all night binge, drowning his sorrows perhaps ?

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Why Blog? (We're supposed to remember to be honest, because this is for posterity.)

Why do you keep your weblog/blog/online writing thingie: for fun, for fame, for money, for popularity, or for another more obscure reason? What about the weblog gives you what you want?

For fun, I enjoy writing and writing without an editor is great. Although it's nice to be popular (and at this point may I just say Danica Patrick naked), it's nicer when the people you have got to know comment favourably on the more thoughful pieces.


Imagine that your weblog becomes wildly popular: your hit counter skyrockets, your comments are overflowing, and everyone is emailing you about everything you post. Name 3 positive things that could come of this, and 3 negative things.

I could be offered a column in a national, I could be offered large sums of money for advertising on my site, I could be offered wild and uninhibited sex by young ladies wishing to show their charms on Y Soul. On the other hand, I could be offered a smack in the mouth by irate musicians unimpressed with my reviews, I could be hounded out of town by parents/boyfriends of my staff after they find my personal staff photo collection, I might have to live as a social recluse to avoid the fame and constant recognition in Tesco's.

What's the worst possible result you can imagine (short of being electrocuted or having your computer take over your brain, and who says it hasn't already?)from keeping a weblog?

Upsetting good people when you thoughtlessly write something you shouldn't have.

What do you do to prevent that worst possible result from happening?

Try to engage brain before writing.

List 5 reasons that would make you stop keeping your weblog for a period of 6 months to a year.

Death

Prison

Amputation of hands

Locked in bedroom with TATU for a year

On the run from irate parents/boyfriends

List 5 reasons that would make you stop forever.

As above

Describe your definition of a "successful weblog"

Whatever presses your buttons, if you enjoy it, then keep doing it.
.
Is yours successful by your definition?

Yes

What pisses you off most in other weblogs? What pleases you most?

Blogs with music that can't be turned off, writing in text speak, dull and boring teenage angst sites.

Good writing, that's it really.

Make a list of 10 weblogs/journal style web sites that you wish your weblog/website/writing site was like.

I'm quite happy with Yorkshire Soul the way it is, but I do like these guys and gals...

Blogjam - it was this blog that made me want to start my own
Dreamer Moon Fever
Guabancex

Just look in the sidebar, I like all those guys as well.

From Guabancex

Friday, June 17, 2005

The World's Greatest Living Yorkshireman

Sir Geoffrey Boycott came to play a round of golf on Wednesday and to give a bit of an after dinner speech/Q&A session.

Boycott doesn't think we are going to win the ashes, but does believe we will push the Ozzies closer than we have for twenty years. He was full of praise for Warne and Gilchrist whom he described as the greatest spinner and keeper/batsman respectively in the history of world cricket.

He doesn't think the Australian bowling is quite what it once was and thinks our attack is equal to them if they are all firing at the same time. He is a big fan of Flintoff and Bell and said that Bell should have been in the test side much earlier, Boycott said it was too early to introduce Pieterson to the test squad.

He was at the club for a Lord's Taverners Charity dinner. Boycott said that the future of English cricket is in trouble, despite the best efforts of the Taverner's and Counties and local clubs there are less and less children playing cricket each year and therefore less talent being introduced into the game. Hundreds of school cricket pitches have been lost and many schoolchildren never get the chance to experience the game any more.

On a more positive note, I'm now going to advertise my food as "Recommended by Geoffrey Boycott", he popped in to the kitchen after lunch to say how much he enjoyed his soup and after his roast pork carvery said that it was "Really good scran lad."

Yorkshiresoul, chef to the stars.
Parts of Australia are currently suffering from the worst drought since the last one, but that's what comes of living in a desert. Residents of Goulburn have now been told that they can only spend two minutes in the shower each day.

A local resident said...."I havn't spent two minutes in the shower since 1972 and I'm not starting now".

Rett Diggy lives on his own.

On a more serious note, let's hope they have enough water for the grapes even if they have to dehydrate a few locals.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Thinking of renting a flat ?



Think again, full story here.
The Mystery Booty

Do you think the Vicar has stopped reading yet ? I've managed almost a week's worth of mostly clean articles. Anyway, to the matter in hand, a while ago some pictures of a mystery booty flickered around the interwebnet and made said bootys owner into a minor star.

This week, Keyra Agustina has revealed herself as the possessor of the best buttocks in Argentina, and, because I know you'll appreciate this sort of thing, I found a
nice booty picture for you. NSFW, NSFAM, NSFV.
Are You Bangladesh In Disguise ?

This is the question our tabloid press have been asking after England whupped Australia in the 20-20 match two days ago.


I thought this might make you laugh, Brett Lee on his arse after young Geraint tried to take his head off and gave him a nasty clout to the ego.



Just because I think you can't have too many pictures of Brett Lee falling on his arse. Lee is currently investigation for drug abuse after he was seen hovering during an Austrlia v SA match....



John Lewis seems mildly pleased at sending Michael Clarke back to the pavillion.



Is that enough mocking of the Ozzies for one day ? You decide.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Not Safe for Australians

Woohoo and wahey, your boys took one hell of a beating.

I know this isn't the Ashes, this isn't even a decent one day match, I know I'm being slightly hypocritical here as I have not been overly keen on 20-20 cricket before but it is utterly fantastic to be able to really SMACK THE PANTS OFF THE AUSTRALIANS at any type of cricket.

The Australians were drubbed by a hundred runs as what is supposedly the world's best batting line up fell victim to some devastating English bowling.

England innings (20 overs maximum) Total (8 wickets, 20 overs, 79 mins) 179

Australia innings (target: 180 runs from 20 overs)
+AC Gilchrist 15
ML Hayden 6
A Symonds 0
MJ Clarke 0
MEK Hussey 1
*RT Ponting 0
DR Martyn 4
B Lee 15
JN Gillespie 24
MS Kasprowicz 3 (NO)
GD McGrath 5
Extras (b 1, lb 2, w 1, nb 2) 6
Total (all out, 14.3 overs, 64 mins) 79


Just read that total again, 79 all out, it's Edgbaston '97 all over again, come on england, up and 'at 'em.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

NSFL (Not Safe For Lancastrians) 3



Lancashire are frustrated by Matthew Hoggard after a fairly dismal showing by the Tykes top order.

For my overseas readers, this is BBC Ceefax, and if you don't have access to Sky TV it's the only way to get any news of county cricket. The scores from every match update constantly all day, unless the scorer has popped out for a cuppa or call of nature.

I was getting quite excited by the end, every time the screen reloaded I was dreading seeing either Hoggard or Kruis' name changing from white to blue, but they did it.

This should scare he pants off the Australians, our bowlers annihalated Hants yesterday and even our number 10/11 can get a half century, bring on the Ashes.
A Day In The Life Of

I missed doing the proper DITLO for my Flickr group, so here is yesterday in the kitchen as we got ready for the annual Hepworth Trophy Dinner.....



The little pots are filled with raspberry creme brulee for the ladies match on Monday, the pan in front is the first batch of chocolate cream for the little chocolate and berry pots for tonights dessert.



Raspberry creme brulee.



Mmmm, Callebaut chocolate and lashings of double cream.



Fill the ramekins with some summer berries and a drop of booze....



....and top up with the chocolate cream.



Barman Jonathon gets his brief moment of fame.



Lishman's Champonship Pork Sausages about to go under the grill for hungry golfers.



Shelled eggs ready for stuffing for the cricketers tea.



Salmon trimmed up and ready to go under the grill, it was served with a lime salsa, new potatoes with parlsey, broccoli and rosemary carrots.



Barman James and waitress Sarah.


Chefette/waitress/all round happy person Rachel.



The chocolate and berry ramekins with thin almond butter biscuits, it got a bit busy at service so I didn't get any pics of the chicken liver and orange pate or the cooked salmon.



Ha ha, I didn't know they had taken this until I downloaded the camera this morning, the kitchen Lord and Master Yorkshire Soul eats his supper with a glass of Tim Adams '04 Riesling whilst perusing the current escapades in the Big Brother house. Taken by sneaky staff or wife through the staff room window.
Difficult Music Meme (via Eat Your Carrots )

Top 5 lyrics that move your heart

Watching TV by Roger Waters, I think this is just about the most powerful, evocative lyric there is, our on screen experience of Tianamen Square and our reaction to it was perfectly summed up when the characters speak half way through the song, "Did we do anything afterwards ?", "No, I don't think so.

"Forgotten Sons - Marillion, there are very few songs that used The Troubles as a theme, Fish wrote this song from the point of a view of a British soldier's family, it's a very powerful piece.

Little Baby Swastikkka - Skunk Anansie, we get a lot of all white protest bands in rock, but Skin exposed us to racism from a black person's point of view, much more erudite than RATM - KITM.

Bitter Suite - Marillion, Fish is probably the most poetic song writer in the rock genre, Misplaced Childhood was a work of genius.

BYOB (Bring Your Own Bombs) - S.O.A.D., the Armenian boys launch an incendiary attack on the politics of war and the wealth structure and power balance of the fighting boys.

Top 5 instrumentals

Get Organ-ized - Boston

Orion - Metallica

Flight of the Valkyries - Wagner

Sabre Dance - Katchachurian

Mars Bringer of War - Holst

Top 5 live musical experiences

Marilyn Manson at the NEC, I had consumed half a bottle of Southern Comfort and got the shite kicked out of me in the mosh pit, both arms, shins and my chest were livid with bruising, it was utterly fantastic.

Numerous Wildhearts gigs, they are the best live act around.

Rammstein at the MEN, boy oh boy, you could feel the heat from those fireworks all the way to the back of the hall.

Megadeth at the (now defunct) Queens Hall, Leeds. They started doing 'Wake Up Dead' and I swear the whole building moved.

Reading Rock 25th Anniversary, Status Quo, The Stranglers, Alice Cooper and a host of bands over three sun and booze filled summer days.

Top 5 artists you think more people should listen to.....

Marillion
The Wildhearts
Muse
Nightwish
Arch Enemy

Top 5 albums you must hear from start to finish......

Amused To Death - Roger Waters

Master Of Puppets - Metallica

Earth Vs. The Wildhearts - the greatest Brit band never to make the really big time.

Absolution - Muse

The White Album - The Beatles

Top 5 musical heroes.....

Ah, musical heroes, although I have many acts and bands that I love, this does not mean that I see many of these overpaid, ignorant, smack addled rockers as heroes in the real sense of the word, that said, these five are pretty special if not perfect......

Bob Geldof
Roger Waters
Bob Marley
John Lennon
Paul McCartney

Top 5 songs that take me right back......

Down, Down - Status Quo

Riot In The Dungeons, or, Vengeance - Yngwie Malmsteen

Rat Trap - The Boomtown Rats

My Number - Girl

Three Blind Jellyfish - as performed by 1st Burley Venture Scouts

Top 5 Cover Versions......

The Beatles' 'Helter Skelter' by Siouxsie and the Banshees

The Crickets' 'I Fought The Law' by The Clash

The Beatles' 'Dear Prudence' by Siouxsie and the Banshees

Gloria Jones' 'Tainted Love' by Marilyn Manson

Frank Sinatra's 'My Way' by Sid Vicious

Saturday, June 11, 2005

NSFL (Not Safe For Lancastrians) 2

There I was, just reaching for a big spoon with which to eat my portion of humble pie when Matthew Hoggard suddenly decided he was a top flight batsman, thanks Hoggy.



"My wifes knockers are this big!"
Ilkley Carnival

I kindly gave chefette the day off and so had to work, but the rest of the gang went off to enjoy themselves.....


Stephen and Natalie on the giant bouncy slide, I am sooo jealous.


"Can't you read Madam ? It says under 8's only" Chez gets ejected from the Thomas the Tank Engine ride.



Adorable, butter wouldn't melt etc., etc. Joshua on the ride.


If you look closely, Mrs YS has taken this photo at the exact moment that the young lad on the bottom right falls off, good timing.

Kevin & Lizzie got a bouncy slide for Joseph's birthday party....







Who do you think had the most fun ?
NSFL (Not Safe for Lancastrians)

The War of the Roses rumbles into its fourth and final day today, there has been some splendid batting from Leeds born traitor Sutcliffe playing for the enemy as well as Loye, Law and Chilton. The Tykes also batted well with Jacques, Lumb and White doing their best to pull level with Lancashire's first innings total of 379.

Lancs problem today is the same one that they have had for the last few seasons, they are too greedy for runs and don't know when to declare. The declaration issue has cost them valuable wins in two seasons when they were competing for top spot, and then on their way to relegation.

The Roses match looks set to be a draw, Lancs will bat on for too long and declare too late, the Tykes will be stubborn and bat methodically and neither of us seem to have a chance of catching Durham at the top of Div 2.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Life Goes On.....

I seems that my blog has come to the attention of the Big Guy, or at least his wordly representatives, thus I may have start putting headers on my articles to warn people of the content they may be about to read.....

NSFW - Not Safe for Work, the usual Yorkshire Soul diet of half dressed celebs and sweary rants.

NSFAM - Not Safe for Aunt Morag, as above but including extreme articles aimed at international banking and the Scots.

NSFV - Not Safe for Vicars, this really only leaves the odd book review and the walking reports in which I don't swear about the weather.

NSFNPOESWF - Not Safe for Nice People Or Even Sheffield Wednesday Fans, mostly articles written under the influence of several bottles of vintage Rioja.

But honestly though, we're glad that the Owls are back in the Championship/Div 2 or whatever it is going to be called next year, 6 guaranteed points and LUFC would be nearly in the play-offs.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Hello friends, I'm still here.

Thanks to everyone who has written, commented, e-mailed, phoned or dropped in. Last Friday was a tremendous shock and you can't get enough love and support at these times, you have all been wonderful.

Mum's funeral is on Monday, and normal service will resume soon after that. It is so busy at work at the moment that I barely have any time left to write for Yorkshire Soul.

I'm going to try and speak at the funeral, if I can. It is one thing to sit here and plan a speech in the quiet comfort of my office/library, it's going to be another thing entirely to stand up in church and speak in front of all those people, but I will give it a go.

The vicar, the Rev Burley of Burley (we seem to collect vicars with odd/fitting names, the last one was called Peter Sutcliffe!), says he has been reading the blog, in a panic I've had a quick read over the last couple of weeks worth of entries.......numerous mentions of various celebs naked, more swearing than an Irish navvies night out, oh dear - the Motley Crue article, eeek - the SOAD review, aaargh - the Day In The Life Of photo blog.

If he greets me at the church door with an upraised crucifix, sprinkles me with Holy Water and shouts "Out evil spirit" I'll only have myself to blame.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

And then the bad thing happened, and the cancer that had got it's evil grip on my mother finished it's work in one short morning. There will be a few days hiatus now, Mum has always said that we shouldn't change anything we do, just to keep life the same, still, it may be a a few days before I feel like posting the usual light hearted stuff here.

She died at home, just minutes before I arrived, Dad was there, they were holding hands when she went. She looked just like she was sleeping.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Dining Out.......


Thursday, June 02, 2005



Nice.

Phil Spector, a man who really should change his hairdresser.

Top 50 Things a Real Foodie Should Do

To celebrate Observer Food Monthly's fiftieth edition, we asked some of our favourite bon viveurs what they considered most essential to do before they died. Nigel Slater assesses the wish-list, from Nigella Lawson dismembering a chicken to Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall boiling a freshly-laid egg and Gordon Ramsay sniffng white truffes Sunday May 15, 2005 So much to eat, so little time. But there are some things we simply must make time for, if not immediately, certainly before we leave this earth. But what is really worth doing, and what can be happily left on the side of the plate? To answer this quandry we asked our guests Nigella Lawson, Gordon Ramsay, Tom Aikens, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, Terence Conran, restaurant critics Terry Durack, Fay Maschler and Jay Rayner, and many, many more to give us their list of things they feel passionately that everyone should do. Be it drinking a glass of 1947 Petrus or eating chocolate cake in Vienna, dining with a legend or poaching a snail, we have the exclusive list of the ultimate foods to die for.

1) Make toast
Not just any old piece of toast, but that which has been cut thick from a fresh, old-fashioned white loaf. It should be toasted over the hot plate of an Aga, till the cut sides reach only the palest gold, and the crusts have blackened very slightly round the edges. It should be spread with salted (yes, salted) Welsh butter and eaten before some of the butter has had the chance to completely melt.

2 Eat the best
Simon Rogan, chef-patron of Michelin starred L'Enclume, and several others of those in the know suggest the full symphonie menu at La Ferme de Mon Père - Marc Veyrat's restaurant in Megève. The owner was awarded three Michelin stars for this faithful reconstruction of a Savoyard farmhouse in the mountains of the Haute Savoie. Purpose-built to his own design, the building is a homage to his peasant-farmer father and his own roots, where every night the animals would be brought into the stables under the house. And indeed at La Ferme, where authentic farmyard smells permeate the eating area, diners can look down through the glass panes in the floor onto the flock of mountain sheep, a carthorse and a flock of hens. I would agree with them all, except that I have never been comfortable with being introduced to an animal before I sit down and eat it. · La Ferme de Mon Père, Megève, France (00 33 4 50 21 01 01), 16 courses for approx £238

3) Dismember a chicken
Nigella Lawson says that everyone should do this at least once in their lives. It is actually quite easy when you get the hang of it, and your supper will taste much better for your having had a hand in it, so to speak.

4) Eat lunch at Le Grand Véfour
Housed in a corner of the delicate stone arcade that frames Paris's Jardin du Palais Royale, just up from the Comedie-Française, Le Grande Véfour is literally the mother and father of all restaurants. Véfour, once a chef to the French royal household, founded the establishment that bears his name back in the 1780s. Here you will eat Guy Martin's melt-in-themouth raviolis de foie gras, an emulsion de crème truffé from Limoges china and pore over one of the world's most revered wine lists. At least that is what I am told by very informed foodies. A word of warning: wear your dark glasses or risk being blinded by the OTT decor and swirly carpets. · Le Grand Véfour, 17 Rue de Beaujolais, Paris (00 33 1 42 96 56 27) approx &euro200 a head

5) Boil a new-laid egg
Our own Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall suggests a freshly laid egg from a self-raised hen, boiled for 4½ minutes and served with well-buttered granary toast soldiers. Allergic to eggs myself, I will just have to take his word for it. You can have the egg Hugh, I'll have the soldiers.

6) Dine at the French Laundry
First you must devote yourself to getting through to reservations at this Californian shrine - put the phone on redial and speakerphone and be prepared to sit there for an hour or more. Then God help you if you actually want a reservation on a specific day at a specific time. The place itself is delightful, situated in a small house that was once a French laundry (the only reminder now is an old-fashioned wooden clothes peg attached to each stiff white linen napkin). The restaurant has a charming, lush garden - perfect for pre-dinner drinks, and the kitchen is visible through huge windows so you can watch the chefs praying over their minuscule towering creations. · The French Laundry, 6640 Washington Street, Yountville, California (00 1 707 944 2380)

7) Take a dip
More precisely, dip into the warm cheese fondue at Watergate Bay's Beach Hut in Cornwall after a morning's surfing. Converted from a bucket and spade shop, the Beach Hut manages to combine a slightly chaotic informality with fantastic food. The wooden walls, wicker chairs, primary colours and reggae background music create a colourful beach-shack ambience, while the views are of endless sand and sea. · The Beach Hut, Watergate Bay, nr Tregurrian, Cornwall (01637 860877)

8) Dive for sea urchins
Fino's Sam Hart would be happy to end his days diving for sea urchins then eating them raw with a slice of lemon on the beach. Certainly there are worse ways to go. If I were a better swimmer I would join him, but I'm happy to make do with the octopus platter at his London restaurant. · Fino, 33 Charlotte Street, London (020 7813 8010)

9) Pick your own
Our forests and meadows are a valuable, yet under-exploited food source. Fromlate spring till the first frosts, you will find everything from chanterelles to puffballs just waiting to be picked. For the best breakfast of all, head to the woods with your camping stove and fry yourself a fine plate of freshly gathered mushrooms, cooked briefly in a little butter and eaten straight from the pan. Just make certain that you know what you are picking.

10) Eat fish on the Pampelonne
Club 55 is St-Tropez's most infamous beach hangout, put on the map in the 1950s by Brigitte Bardot, and now loved by celebs like Bono . Eating the restaurant's overpriced grilled fish while wearing nothing more than a thong is now a rite of passage for any aspiring model, actress or porn star. If you can't get a table, try Le Voile Rouge up the beach. Of course the food is irrelevant, but who cares? · Club 55, Pampelonne Beach, St-Tropez (00 33 4 94 55 55 55)

11) Make love in a vineyard
Don't all rush at once, but making love in a vineyard is at the top of Tim Atkin's list. Not just any vineyard either, not even any French vineyard, but in no fewer than all five of the Bordeaux first growth vineyards. 'At night,' The Observer's wine editor adds somewhat coyly. I guess it beats the ladies' loo in All Bar One. · Château Lafite-Rothschild, Chateau Latour, and Château Mouton-Rothschild all in Pauillac, Médoc, Château Margaux, in Margaux, Médoc and Château Haut-Brion, in Pessac-Cedex, Graves

12) Slurp udon noodles in Takamatsu
Takamatsu, in the prefecture of Kagawa, on the island of Shikoku, to the south of Japan is to noodle lovers what Mecca is to Muslims. According to Terry Durack, restaurant critic and author of Hunger, in this one little town, 300 noodle restaurants all serve up bowls of big thick white, gloopy udon noodles. He suggests you look for hand-kneaded udon, and tells us not to worry about making a noise as we eat. You're supposed to slurp.

13) Learn how to make a dry martini
Mr Durack says the perfect ratio is six parts gin to one part vermouth. He's right of course. He says that you pour the gin and vermouth over ice in a chilled shaker, then mix and strain quickly into a chilled martini glass. There are more rules too: any more vermouth and it's a mixed drink. Any less and it's a shot. Anything more than a green olive or a twist of lemon and it's a salad.

14) Nibble cheese-flavoured chocolates
Pascal Aussignac from Club Gascon and Le Cercle raves over the cheese-flavoured chocolates created by Jean-Paul Hévin in Paris. Combinations such as chocolate, walnut and Roquefort or epoisses, (that's the stinky one) chocolate and cumin may sound bizarre but the salt/sweet mix of flavours is to die for. Intrepid eater I may be, but I think I'm going to take Pascal's word for it on this one. Camembert and Terry's chocolate orange anyone? · JP Hévin, 23 Bis, Avenue de la Motte-Picquet (00 33 1 45 51 99 64)

15) Tread grapes in a laga
Tim Atkins gets his kit off again, but this time to tread grapes in a laga inPortugal's upper Douro. He insists you should have consumed a bottle of vintage port before you start.

16) Buy a turbot
Peter Weeden of the Paternoster Chop House suggests a trip to Charlestown harbour in St Austell Bay, Cornwall, to catch the day boats just coming in. He wants us to buy a whole, fresh turbot and take it home to cook. Personally I can't think of anything nicer, especially if someone makes a little jug of hollandaise sauce to go with it.

17) Lick an ice cream in Sicily
So overrun are we by the choc-chip-fudge-crunch-style American ice creams that it is easy to forget what the real stuff tastes like. The ices at Corrado Costanzo in Noto, Sicily, are arguably the best you can find anywhere in the world. Mandarin, made with Sicilian oranges, is probably the most in-demand flavour at this ice-cream and pastry shop but try also mulberry and the jasmin sorbet that's made with flowers picked in the evening when they are at their most fragrant. Chunky Monkey eat your heart out. · Corrado Costanzo, Via Spaventa 7, Noto, Sicily (00 39 931 835 243)

18) Shuck an oyster
Any excuse to slurp a decent oyster, but Racine's Henry Harris, who has shucked a few in his time, recommends a platter of 'wild native oysters, from a forgotten oyster bed'. He is right, of course, and I come across so many people who say they don't like these delectably slithery, sexy little creatures but, when pressed, have to admit to never having tried one. Yet why do so many of us rank them as one of the all-time greatest food on earth? Do I have to get down on my knees and beg?

19) Order a Bellini in Harry's Bar
It is tempting to think that ordering a Bellini at Harry's Bar is the Venetian equivalent of buying a kiss-me-quick hat in Blackpool. It isn't. Everything about Harry's Bar is spot-on, from the napery to the carpaccio. Pity about the prices. · Harry's Bar, Calle Vallaresso, Venice (00 39 41 52 85 777) &euro14 for a Bellini

20) Wolf down a hotdog on Coney Island
Martha Greene, the brains behind London's foodie haven Villandry, has high praise for the hot dogs on New York's Coney Island. But not just any old dog. She claims it must be from Nathan's and you must eat it on the pier. And you don't argue with Martha.

21) Poach a snail
Morgan Meunier of London restaurant Morgan M raves over a particular snail dish served at Lameloise in Burgundy. The chef first poaches the snail to remove its rubbery consistency and then serves it in a sauce made from local wine breaking from the tradition of serving it with garlic. So much for me thinking they taste like bogies in garlic butter then. · Lameloise, 36 Place d'Armes, Chagny, France (00 33 3 85 87 65 65)

22) Eat the first asparagus
We are not talking about the bargain-basement Spanish stu. here, and certainly not the thick 'porn-star' Californian spears either, but only the very first British asparagus, poached and served with plain, melted butter. Fay Maschler, the country's most experienced restaurant critic, insists that it should be cooked immediately after picking. As usual, she's right.

23) Order fish at Doyles
Watsons Bay in Sydney is best known for Doyles, probably the most famous seafood restaurant in the world. There's something virtuous about eating fresh seafood with the Pacific lapping at your ankles. The view of Sydney harbour and skyline is breathtaking, particularly in the late afternoon as yachts begin to head for home, or moor in front of Doyles so the crew can swim ashore for a drink at the adjacent Watson's Bay Hotel. · Doyles, Watsons Bay Wharf, Marine Parade, Watson's Bay, Sydney (00 61 2 9337 2007)

24) Be cooked for by a legend
Marco Pierre White was the food world's first and best enfant terrible. We miss his antics. But most of all we miss his cooking. The Square's Philip Howard wants to lure the millionaire restaurateur out of retirement so that he can once again taste his signature 'tagliatelle of oysters with caviar'. Dream on.

25) Sniff a white truffle
Almost every foodie I have ever met goes weak at the knees at the mere mention of white truffles. Gordon Ramsay likes his on scrambled eggs and toasted brioche while several others like theirs shaved over risotto. Me, I am happy just to breathe in their heavenly scent. · Available fresh from Selfridges (08708 377 377) around Christmas time, approx £3,500 per kilo

26) Dice with death
Eating Japanese blowfish is the food lover's answer to unsafe sex. Prepared by careless hands this fish can kill you, and the Japanese pay a small fortune for the frisson that goes along with each mouthful. Gordon Ramsay likes it for the 'thrill and the unusual sensation when you eat it'.

27) Eat chocolate cake in Vienna
The silver pot of hot chocolate, the delica