Old Punks Never Die..............
...........They Just Smell That Way



Twas the night of Cheryl's 30th birthday, a 70's theme night to be held at Rawdon CC, I think it's fair to say that many of the regulars were appalled when I wandered in.



Sid Snot and Ozzy Ozbourne, aka Ysoul and Mrs YS



The ladeez, young Cheryl, Candice and Mrs YS.



Oh dear, I don't fancy yours much, JR, P the bootboy and YS. Shortly afterwards the dj dared to play The Clash and there was much pogoing, moshing and giggling. The younger folk at the party looked on in horror.



No honestly love, I just wanted a picture of their costumes, I'd hardly even noticed her legs, still, a small wahey! might be in order.



Too much beer/food/giggly pogoing. P's traditional end of the evening pose semi-comatose on the settee.

Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - Series 3 - Week 5

I know, I have not done a quiz for ages.

The rules are, answers to me at yorkshiresoul@gmail.com by Sunday 6th March, I'll try to put the answers and league up on Mon 7th. Only give the answer, don't provide a list of possibles or they will all be marked wrong.

League Table Week 4
1) Malcolm R 64
2) Dr. P 54
3) Eleanor 51
4) Chez 42
5) I am a Donut 34
6) Penny Farthing 24
7) Alex H(Yorkshire Ranter) 15
8) Trish 15
9) Chay 14
10)Katherine(Chatiryworld) 5
11) Tony T 0

1) What sort of thing is this ?



2) What are these things called ?



3) Who is this ?



4) Who is this ?



5) Who is this ?



6) Who is this ?



7) What is this building called ?



8) Another splendid pile of stones, what is this one called ?



9) What is the name of this warship ?



10) What breed of dog is this ?

I'm not really sure what all this is about, fo' shizzle via Leptard

As Yorkshire Soul's fame contiues to spread, along list of 'D' and 'Z' list celebrities have tried to attach themselves to my rising star....

"I read it every day, and so does my wife" - Pope John Paul II

"I read it for his powerful, intellectual, centrist diatribes, but the tits and bums are pretty good too" - Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury

"He does his hair just like mine" - Gareth Gates

"I'll be taking part in Yorkshire Soul's reality show 'Jump Into A Piranah Infested River You Bunch Of Self Centred Petty Celebrity Fuckwits', I think he should work on the title though, must dash, got to shave my balls" - Nadia from Big Brother

"Our career has gone into freefall since he stopped writing about us" - TATU

"We wouldn't be where we are today if Yorkshire Soul didn't keep posting pictures of us with our pants off" - The Olson Twins (naked)

"I love reading about our special needs friends in the Great United British Kingdoms of Yorkshire" - George Bush (in green crayon)

"See you in court" - David Hasslehoff S.A.A.A. (Strait As An Arrow)

"See you in the bedroom" - Elton John C.A.A.R.O.T (Camp As A Row Of Tents)

"Not if I see you first" - Yorkshire Soul B.T.T.W (Backs To The Wall)

"Books, wine and any other old bollocks" - Mrs Yorkshire Soul

Now that I'm famous......

Things I must do (or is that that things one must do ?)...

1) Buy a crap dog, I don't really like dogs, but it seems to be the in thing for us celebs to do,




Minor celeb Lee Ann Rimes goes over the top with two crap dogs.



Sigourney Weaver and pet, this is the mid way stage between the stomach burster and the big fucking scary thing that eats everyone, as a dog though, it's shit.



Paris Hilton, porn star, and the crappiest dog so far. It's wearing a pink t-shirt!!!! Seriously, if you see dogs like this on the street, they are classified as vermin, you can legally drop kick them into the next county.



Billy Joel and his good friend Fionula, there are so many things wrong with this that I don't know where to begin.

2) Be rude to people in Tesco , ok, so I've got that sorted at least.

3) Be gay, get outed by the media. Oh dear, I really don't fancy this bit at all, I mean, I might end up with some nice attractive person....


...like David Hasslehoff for example, (in case of legal action, I'm not actually insinuating the 'The Hoff' is in the least bit partial to pitching from the rough), or, I could end up with some dreadful old trout with bad manners, appaling dress sense and a dead animal on his bonce....



Oh bloody hell look at the state of Elton John, he looks like Ozzy Osbourne's granny. I don't much fancy the options here, can I be a celeb and stay strait ?

4) Get a drug habit, hmmm, does this count ?

5) Get a posse of admirers,




Sorted, I presume the money starts rolling in any minute now ?

Fame At Last

Wahey! And I say again, wahey!! I got a mention in the national press, the dear old Guardian gave a link on their Guardian Blog Linklog , does this mean I can sell my story and make millions a la Belle de Jour ? Or shall I diminish, retreat into the west, and remain Yorkshiresoul ?

(Cheers to Bertie for reading the Grauniad)

Walking Yorkshire : Ilkley Moor

Another day with snow on the course, another day walking then.



The 1st tee at Ilkley golf club covered in snow.



The lower tarn opposite the old nurses accomodation on the edge of the moor.



Looking up the moor to White Wells (118467), I'm not jumping in the water today!



Looking along the moor to Ilkley Crags.



Looking back down into Wharfedale and Ilkley, I can see my house from here.



A valley, full of rocks, with typical Yorkshire bluntness it's called Rocky Valley (126465).



The Cow & Calf Hotel (134466), in the background you should be able to see Otley Chevin, but in the time it has taken me to walk twenty paces the Chevin has vanished behind a wall of advancing snow.



I stopped off at Mum and Dad's, bumped into brother in law mk.2 in the village, and then walked back to Middleton along the road, this is the iron bridge at Ben Rhydding (137483).



The stepping stones at Ben Rhydding.



Trees damaged by the January storms.



Late afternoon sun on the river.



No play at Olicanians.

End Of An Era




What's this then ? A strange Yorkshire animal just out from hibernation ? Or 20 years of Yorkshiresoul's locks looking forlorn on the floor ?





I've been thinking about getting a drastic restyle for a while, and Cheryl's imminent 30th birthday 70's bash has given me a good excuse to lop it all off.



Here's the lovely Hannah doing the deed. She kept saying "Are you sure about this Mick?" and I had to promise not to shout at her.



Wahey!!!! Punk as fuck!



It must be so dull to be normal, I wouldn't know of course.

Walking Yorkshire - Round Hill, Beamsley Beacon

You might think that I have done nothing for the past week except for rambling around Yorkshire, avoiding work and generally having a good time, and you'd be right. The golf course has been closed for snow, so I might as well walk.



I set off from home (106486, handily marked CH for clubhouse on the OS map), didn't fancy taking my motor along narrow country roads in this weather. I went up Curly Hill and to the very top of Middleton were I saw this rather glum looking gargoyle in a garden.

From Middleton I went uphill to Hill Top Farm, West Moor House then made a quick detour out to see March Ghyll Reservoir.



Looking across the fields above Middleton to Burley-in-Wharfedale.



The intake tower at March Ghyll (124511). There was a fair wind blowing now and the snow was starting to come down again.

I went back to the farm to pick up the moor track, I didn't fancy hacking my way through shin high heather if the weather was turning. Walked along the track right around the reservoir and then followed the track north from Bow Shaw (124517).

Sadly the track between Bow Shaw and and Gawk Hall Ridge has been utterly ruined by the moronic, petrol head bikers. In places the 'path' must be at least 40 feet wide, a vast ruined swath of moorland, channels cut feet deep into the soil by spinning tyres. It was just passable today as the mud had mostly frozen, I wouldn't fancy it in warmer weather though.

Why are these bikers such twats ? Why do they have to ruin parts of the countryside in this manner ? With enough rain the topsoil simply washes away back to the bare rock beneath, it won't regenerate. This patch is probably the worst damage I have seen for a while, even eclipsing the horrible mess on Blackstone Edge Moor on the Pennine Way.



Looking up the path with Round Hill in the background.



Looking across to Beamsley Beacon from Clifford's Bent. Dos Clifford know he's been outed on an OS map ?



The way marker at Gawk Hall Gate (133530).



Looking down into Wharfedale from the top of Beamsley Beacon, the snow seemed to have halted at Addingham.



Flowers on a shrub growing out from a wall in Langbar, I don't know what they are, answers to the usual address.



Down in the valley again and the sun is out, this is the bridleway runing from Langbar (094514) down to West Hall Lane, I wouldn't fancy meeting a horse on this little thing, I had enough trouble getting past a lady and her excitable labrador.



A tree, especially for the Pretty Tree Appreciation Society.



Regular reader P will be hard at work here. Oh hang on, he's a software/IT bloke, he won't be hard at work then, he'll be writing e-mails, surfing the net, taking part in footy forums and watching the online cricket scores.




Castleberg Scar, Addingham. And then back home, I cut the walk short by walking across the river at the 2nd green, I can get away with this, anyone else would probably get shouted at by irate golfers, not that there were any today.

I was quite surprised to find that my new Rohan walking trousers were totally waterproof, and my nice Meindl boots might have been if I wasn't knee deep in the river.

The Druid's Temple at Ilton

There is a small car park here if you want to come and see the temple. I arrived rather late on a winters afternoon, the bright sun was falling behind the trees so someof the photos have a bit of a washed out quality to them.

Hidden in the centre of the small wood north west of Ilton lies this bizarre apparation. Thought to have been built thousands of years ago by barbaric druidic cults, and used for animal and human sacrifice, it still casts it's dark and evil shadow over this corner of Yorkshire.



The front gate of the Temple. Actually it isn't druidic at all. The temple was constructed in about 1820, at the height of the folly craze. William Danby, the master of Swinton Hall, had his men build the temple because he thought that they didn't have enough work to do.



Looking out from inside the tomb to the giant sacrificial altar beyond, ok, sorry, it's a picnic table.






This must have been a massive project, with only man and horsepower to build the thing. The walls/ramparts of the temple are stepped up and are four layers deep.



As if just building the temple itself wasn't hard enough, Danby then got his men to build a number of standing stones and other oddities out in the woods.





If you're up in this part of the world, visiting Masham or Jervaulx Abbey perhaps, it's an interesting detour.

Walking Yorkshire - Moors of Masham, Fountain's Earth and Ilton

With a Siberian blast forecast for the coming week, Mrs.YS suggested that I go walking on Friday, and so I did. I parked in the lay by on Leighton Reservoir (157787) and set of walking west along the southern edge of Masham Moor.



The bridge over the north western spur of Leighton reservoir.



Looking up the spur to North Wood.



I walked up the long, steady incline of Pot Moor High Road, this is the view across the valley to Ilton Moor. The tower you can see I think is Arnagill Tower, although it is badly marked on the map, I think I've read somewhere that it is an old smelting chimney.



I took a quick detour at the top of Pot Moor High Road to climb Ouster Bank (121752), it's another very gentle climb. This isn't the trig point at the summit but rather an old way marker a few hundred yards further on.



I turned left onto the track (114750) and walked along the southern edge of sype Land and Fountains Earth Moor. These two rocks on Sype Land are called Jenny Twigg And Her Daughter.



Sypeland Crags, like the Cow And Calf but with no cars full of chavs throwing McDonalds wrappers around.



Looking back across Fountains Earth Moor with the bridge over Lul Beck. I turned here and followed the track north.



Lulbeck Crags, there are two rock outcrops known as Lulbeck Crags, this is the more northerly one at 139738 in the Smith Allotment.



Looking down from Ilton Moor to Roundhill Reservoir, I turned off the track onto a footpath and made for Roundhill Dam. I had made a detour too many (I wasn't originally planning on doing the loop around Fountains Earth) and was worried I wouldn't make my objective before dusk.



Rock outcroppings on the side of Shortlick Hill, above the tree and to the right, that's the moon.



Another quick detour, this time to have a quick look at the tower (159769), it is very odd, I can't find any information on it, does anybody know what it really is? There was a strong wind at this time, I thought I would stand in the middle of the tower to take a picture but it was like a wind tunnel and blew me back out when I let go of the wall.



Roundhill Reservoir Dam. There is a feeding station on the other side and dozens of pheasants exploded into the air around me as I came into view of it, I don't know who was more startled, me or them. I walked back along the road to the car and then drove to my destination, cheating I know, but I had dawdled and it was getting late.

This walk is about 11.5 miles with very gentle climbs, get a copy of OS Explorer 298 Nidderdale and get yourself up there.

The whole point of today's walk was to see this thing. Tucked deep in the wood north west of Ilton is this strange apparition, the Druid's Temple.......



Ooh er, strange goings on in the Yorkshire woods ? Virgin sacrifice at midnight on the solstice ?
Further pictures and the story tomorrow.....

Tally Ho

Yesterday a pastime enjoy by thousands, for hundreds of years, was legal. Today you can be arrested and prosecuted for hunting with dogs.

You fools.

The animal rights loonies have won their first victory, do you really think they are going to stop there ? Do you think they are all going to vanish overnight now that they have created this new Eden for foxes and mink ?

No. It is their first victory you see, and they have plenty of other targets all lined up. That may have been an unfortunate turn of phrase as one of their primary targets is shooting. There are probably many more people that go shooting than used to go hunting with hounds, and it is a big commercial enterprise, so the hunt sabs may have a harder time of it trying to get shooting banned.

They also have their eyes on fishing. Personally I can't stand fishing, but if other people want to sit on damp riverbanks all day then that's fine by me. But it is not fine by the anti's, they want to stop your idyllic afternoons with the rod and line.

We should have stopped all this stupidity at the first hurdle, now that the anti's have had their first victory, their taste of blood as it were, they are hungry for more.

And if they get their way with game shooting and fishing, what next ? Some of the same groups want horse racing banned, followed by greyhound racing.

Their are people out there trying to stop the noble sport of boxing, I heard an eminent physician talking on R4 saying that all 'violent contact sports' should be banned, that includes karate, judo, wrestling and rugby.

A stress injury specialist on R4 yesterday said there was a good case for stopping ballet because of the damage it did to young girl's feet and legs.

It might even come to pass that you can't even administer a swift slap to your own child when it is running out of control, can you imagine that ? Oh, yes, we allowed that to happen already.

Part of the problem with the anti-hunting / shooting / fishing groups is that their is another underlying agenda. Vegetarians, and their psycho allies the vegans, want you to stop eating all meat and fish. They make no bones about it when they appear on radio and tv, for them these issues are inextricably linked.

Now, let's just recap that list of things that other people would like banned....
Game shooting
Fishing
Horse Racing
Greyhound racing
Boxing
Judo
Rugby
Ballet
Meat

I bet that there's at least one thing on this list that you enjoy, but someone else wants to stop your enjoyment. You didn't stand up and shout loudly enough for the hunters, who should support you when your hobby / pastime / job / way of life comes under the anti spotlight ?

Captions ?

Book Review : The Third Eye - David Knowles****



I got this from Leeds Bookcrossers a couple of months ago, I didn't think it was my sort of book but when I eventually got it opened I read right through in a couple of sessions and really enjoyed it.

Jefferson lives in a private apartment block in New York, his parents own the block and he lets the apartments to tenants. The sort of tenants he really likes are young, female and attractive.

Jefferson is an obsessive voyeur, through a carefully concealed camera he watches the women at home, cooking, bathing, entertaining guests and making love. He takes photographs and through his patronage of a young artist, Henry, has some of the most striking images painted.

On the wall in the rigged apartment hangs a copy of Degas' Interior, sometimes referred to as The Rape, the painting portrays a plan gone sour and mirrors the events which are about to overtake Jefferson.

He inteviews potential candidates for the apartment, and is taken with a young British-Indian women Maya Vanasi. She takes up the offer of the apartment and Jefferson begins his watching routine. Almost from the start Jefferson's plans go astray, he can't capture images of the beautiful Asian woman on film, he quickley becomes obsessed with her, searching the city for her.

At the same time, his artist protegee Henry threatens to bring down the whole project by staging an exhibition of the girls who have unknowingly modelled for the paintings. Jefferson's tightly oganised life spins out of control as he seeks to exert his influence over Henry and to find the truth about the mysterious Maya.

I've been pottering around on newsgroups (that's the ancient, steam powered part of the interwebnet for you young folk) and came a across a link to a really good hiking and wild camping site......

V G Walking/Backpacking

The weather stayed fine mid week and we got the Harrogate & District Union Alliance under way, these events are very welcome in the middle of winter when trade is otherwise very thin on the ground.

Well done to the two Ilkley youngsters, Adam Davey and Andrew Driver who came 2nd. (Andrew might still be an Otley member, I'm not sure, or he might be taking refugee status before he starts his training as a PGA pro).

I spent an hour last night updating the bookings diary, it looks like it's going to be a busy summer, good, it's been a long slack winter this year. The course at Ilkley has been closed for about two weeks during the winter due to two bouts of flooding, and of course if there is no golf being played then there is nobody coming in to eat.

One week I'm looking at in some trepidation has 120 diners on Wednesday, 70 on Thursday for lunch AND dinner them 100 on Friday. Good news on the takings front, not so good news on the getting any sleep front, oh well, I can sleep in the winter.

Captions ?

Does anybody understand Rugby Union ?

I'm a simple bloke, I like footy and cricket, I like athletics, I can watch darts, rugby league, snooker or even curling when there is nothing better on the box. I sat down on Saturday to watch England vs. France and was pleasantly surprised when we shot into a half time lead.

In the second half though, what was going on ? Rugby union is bogged down by a morass of strange and (to the casual viewer at least) indecipherable rules. England gave away penalty after penalty after penalty, and for what ? I have no clear idea.

In football you are often fairly sure when an offence has been committed, Roy Keane scythes down some unsuspecting midfielder from behind, then stands on him as he gets up - offence, yellow card (unless it takes place at Old Trafford obviously, then he gets a friendly handshake from the referee).

In cricket offences are rare but obvious, handle the ball, you are in trouble with the umpire, argue with the umpire - you are in trouble the match umpire, make a comment about the failing light - get fined your entire match fee.

In rugby league though they seem to have a rulebook the thickness of the Lord Of The Rings (hardback edition), every move on the field seems to give the referee an opportunity to blow his whistle.

Here are just a few of the reasons that penalties were awarded for last week......

1) Changing position on the ground after a tackle.

2) Off side flanker coming onto the onside whilst the ball is moving in an anti-clockwise direction.

3) The man in seat 223, block d12 is coming down the aisle with two cups of coffee, if he gets all excited he might spill it and suffer a nasty scald, better stop the game for a minute.

4) I have not used my whistle for fifteen seconds, better check to see if it's still working.

5) I'm important, me me me, not the players, I've got the little headset with the microphone, they've come to see me referee, not them play rugby.

Walking Yorkshire - Green Lanes around Semerwater

By 'eck, thas a raw wind ont 'ills today. We (yes, I've got a walking partner for the day, young Ric) parked on the beach at Semerwater. I wouldn't park here if heavy rain was forecast, there are tide marks higher than the car roof. We set off along the road south and west to Marsett, then a steepish climb up the side of Wether Fell to Cam High Road.



Looking down to Marsett, a hamlet in Raydale, from the side of Wether Fell.



Bardale with Bardale Beck from the side of Wether Fell.



Cam High Road, strait as an arrow, Roman of course. I was trying to imagine the life of a poor old Roman soldier posted up here. It must have been a harsh life, especially in winter (Yorkshire winter = August to June).



Ric, he's only 18, how I am going to keep up with him all day ?




Bainbridge, a pretty little village in Wensleydale. We stopped here and ate our butties at a picnic table, the freezing wind prevented any dawdling though and after refueling we were keen to get walking again.



The Bain tumbles down a series of natural stone steps.




Looking down to Semerwater from Carpley Green Road with Green Scar to the right and Wether Fell in the middle.



Addleborough looking impressively fortress like in a rare patch of sun.



From the path we could see these strange patches of spiky frost close to Water Ling Force. The wind was blowing spray back up from the waterfall and coating the grass growing on the banks.



Mrs. YS always has a laugh at my photos when I come back, "More sheep, treeas and walls is it ?" she'll say, but that's what the Dales are, trees, walls, moors, sheep. Here's a farmer leading his flock up High Lane above Stalling Busk.



Barn on Stake Road as we head back down to Semerwater.

If you want to do this walk, which is about 14 miles, grab a copy of OS Explorer OL30, wrap up warm and get your boots on.

We set off from the Semerwater car park/flood plain (876923) and walked to Marsett (863904) then up the side of Wether Fell to Cam High Road. We walked back down (North East) to Bainbridge (903934) then south along the road, taking Carpley Green Road all the way to Carpley Green (872944) which is a farm house and a barn, buy the farm and you've bought the village.

From the throbbing metropolis of Carpley Green we followed Busk Lane to the junction with High Lane (839935) and followed High Lane all the way back down to Stake Road and then back to Semerwater.

Most of the climbs are gentle, with the exception of Wether Fell which can be a bit of a slog.

Captions ?

D&D : Home Again ?

First things first, for the people that keep contacting me looking for a grown up D&D group to play with, we just can't accomodate any more members, sorry, hope you find another group.

Last night's play then. The Company have finally found their way off the pocket dimension asteroid prison they had been dumped in, after fighting their way through various groups and smashing up at least Temples of Orcus (and I'm sure he won't hold it against them), they arrived back in the Tower of Cleansing Flame.

They got strait back into a fight with the Red Redemptionists, and unfortunately Psyche was killed by a high priest casting an implosion spell. Sibornal brought her back to rude health, but a level lower, with a resurrection. The high priest's death seemed to trigger something, parts of the tower collapsed and the Gates all over the city of Pain / Iriaebor opened.

What poured through them though wasn't a good aligned force coming to free the city, but an allied force of Githyanki and Red Dragons hell bent on fiery destruction. The company were forced to flee the city via the mirror gate as Pain burned.

They organised a quick rescue of the freed captives they had left behind, and snatched a few people out from under the noses of the Gith army. They are now back at home in Yuli and Varaghast planning their next moves.

Pain / Iriaebor seems to have fallen almost instantly to the Githyanki invasion. The invasion force seems huge, dozens of old dragons, hundreds of flying ships carring tens of thousands of troops. What do they want ?





Clerics of the Red Redemption.

LUFC 3 - Reading 1

Only my second visit to Elland road this season, but a much better display than the dismal shower I saw getting beaten by Sunderland.

The team looked confident and kept hold of the ball well, much of the first half was played in Reading's half of the field and although we didn't actually create that many chances, Healy scored to put us one up at half time.

Early in the second half new boy Rob Hulse looked keen and dangerous up front and when Healy passed the ball across to him Hulse played a nice one touch pass and back with Wright then hammered it into the net. Minutes later he received a good pass from Healy and dashed forwards outpacing the defenders and rammed the ball home.

I'd like to say a big hello and thanks to our very own Leeds United Ultras who kept up a constant and amusing racket from the top of the John Charles Stand, well done lads, we could do with a few thousand more like you.

The crowd was good, 30,000 folk turning out on a bitterly cold winter's day, not that the temperature bothered the Ultras, they had their tops off for half the game!

Much fun was had at the end of the game when the Reading fans shouted en masse for handball after handball, after they were ignored by the ref the Revie mob joined by shouting handball every time the keeper grabbed the ball, or every time a ball boy got it, or someone in the crowd caught it. Reading scored near the end, but it was a long way to come to be soundly beaten and severely mocked by tens of thousands of proud Tykes.

Guess who ? Yes, it's South Park's latest character, Yorkshiresoul, appearing soon on a TV screen near you.

Here is a great site for fans of fantasy art Keith Tompson's Art, ooh, lots of pretty/weird things to see.

Captions ?

Stage Diving : Not For Fat Lads

Some years ago, in the hazy, alcohol fuelled days of my youth, I was attending an all day metal gig in Bradford. The crowd was pretty good, much booze had been drunk and by the time and things were getting fairly lively at the front as the headline act took to the stage.

The stage was easily accessible and security was non-existent leading to a constant stream of people running in front of the singer and launching themselves onto the waiting hands of the crowd.

Except, a shadow appeared at one side of the stage, as he emerged into the lights he appeared to be the size of Meatloaf and Messiah Marcolin combined. He ambled across the stage, the guitarists exchanged worried looks. The lumbering behemoth reached the point of no return, he reached the stage front and, well he didn't exactly dive, more sort of toppled off with a terrible inevitability.

As the light was blocked out above them, a hundred people simultaneously thought, "Fuck this."

The crowd parted like the Red Sea, and the big man fell into the gap with a nasty wet smack. Then he didn't move, his best mate ran forwards and tried to pick the big man up. Big man's nose was now squashed all over his face, he was pouring blood and was escorted groggily off to one side.

His mate was screaming blue murder but received some typical words of care and comfort, "Nobody pushed the fat fucker."


At another gig we were so tightly packed that I had to stand with one arm raised in the air, I think I'd had to scratch my nose and the crowd was so dense I couldn't lower my arm again. A lunatic stage diver came off feet first and connected solidly with side of my head. My glasses flew off and in a thousand to one chance shot right into my upheld hand, so my specs were safe.

When I woke up the following morning though, I had a very clear and sore imprint of a boot sole on my right cheek and temple.

Middle Aged Divorcees Announce Wedding Plans

Good for them, you've got to put the past behind you. I was amused/horrified at some of the comments made by people interviewed on R4 though.

"I don't think he should be allowed to marry because he was so cruel to Diana."

A comment made in the true spirit of Christian forgiveness, but for a complete misunderstanding of the situation, the "Not A Clue Award" goes to the lady who made this comment.

"It's a disgrace, he should abdicate today and make William the king strait away."

Erm, well you see, as he's not the monarch at the moment he can't actually abdicate. You've seen the lady on the telly with the crown ? His mum ? The one that looks all regal at the opening of parliament ? Well she's the monarch.

One day in the kitchen........

This occured at a previous job, so my current staff have nothing to fear.

I was making dinner for the staff before we began a long and ardous evening shift, the usual sort of stodge and chips fare was being wolfed down by chefs, commis and black 'n whites. One of the waitresses had refused all offers of a cooked meal as she was 'on a diet.'

After dinner though I caught her tucking into a vast bowl of ice cream.

"That won't do your diet much good," said I.

She pulled a face, made a duh noise at me and said.....

"Everyone knows that cold food has less calories."

In the news today.....Tony Bliar is set to unveil Nu Labour's election pledges. In this package he will reveal.....

How Nu Labour will move even further to the right, passing the policies of John Major, Michael Howard and Joseph Stalin as they do so.

How Nu Labour will bring about an eternal era of peace and prosperity by banning unions and making parliament a PLC.

How Bliar secretly voted for Thatcher in the '83 general election.

Michael Howard has already revealed the Conservative election strategy which goes like this....

"I couldn't be more out of touch if I lived on the moon, blame the immigrants for everything, wibble, wibble."

Charles Kennedy had this to say..... "We will come third."

Robert Kilroy-Silk's Monster Raving Veritas Party will most likley be drubbed into last place by whatever lunatic fringe candidate (Save The Squirrels, Real Ale and Arran Sweaters Party etc.) stands against them.

Meanwhile, the Yorkshire Soul Party is still formulating its battle plans.

Fred Durst on recording the new Limp Bizkit album in Prague:
"This is where I am connecting with the darkness. Some days are explosive, others just plain heavy from the gothic aesthetic of this city in general. We have gone to the other side a few times with absinthe to discover the unknown. As it seems the unknown is quite demanding these days. We have watched no television or listened to no radio... The perfect call for where my head needed to be". (From Popbitch)

No Fred mate, where your head needs to be is on the receiving end of my fist. I reckon Fred Durst is probably the stupidest man in music, if you know differently, give me a shout.

Book Review - A Cook's Tour - Anthony Bourdain*****



If you have not read Kitchen Confidential, do so now. It is without doubt the most brilliant expose of kitchen life ever written, A Cook's Tour on the other hand does exactly what it says on the cover.

Tony comes up with a great idea, travel the world looking for the perfect meal, this being Bourdain though, the perfect meal will obviously be accompanied by copious amounts of whatever local rotgut is to hand.

With a TV crew at his elbow he sets off on his world tour looking for great meals, he roams through Europe stopping off at fine restaurants and outdoor pig roasts. He calls in to suck marrow from the bone at Fergus Henderson's St. John, witnesses pig fisting in Portugal and eats a sublime 20 course sampling menu at Thomas Keller's French Laundry.

He is disappointed by a fugu fish supper in Tokyo, frightened to death in the backside of Cambodia, eats the still beating heart of a live cobra and drinks almighty amounts of booze everywhere.

Bourdain is a gifted writer, his descriptions of kitchen life were perfectly pitched and the tales he tells here are often amusing and horrifying at the same time. Although he isn't easy to pin down on the best meal, he's positive about the worst one as he treats us to another hysterical outpouring of hatred and venom directed at the 'cooks' who prepare him an organic vegan 'feast'.

If you have an interest in cooking and travel then this is a great read, it will give you some great ideas for places to visit and turn you off other destinations for ever, but you'll be smiling all the time.

Captions ?

Bookcrossing

I went to Leeds Bookcrossers on Tuesday night and dragged good mate P along with me, a good night was had and many pints were sunk.

I wasn't going to bring many books back with me this time, but Ms Daemonwolf persuaded me otherwise, here is my haul....

Killing Pablo - Mark Bowden
Skellig - David almond
Every Man For Himself - Beryl Bainbridge
A Time To Die - Wilbur Smith
The Shipping News - E Annie Proulx
Into The Fire - Alexader Fullerton

Find out about Bookcrossing here Bookcrossing

I might not read all of this month's catches, some of them might get a 'wild release'. I was quite pleased that none of the books I released were on the 'remaindered' table at the end of the night, I released.....

Stiff : The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers - Mary Roach
Evolution - Stephen Baxter
You Got Nothing Coming - Jimmy Lerner (come on P, get registered!)
Playing The Moldovans At Tennis - Tony Hawks
Want To Play - P J Tracy

A Walking Yorkshire Update

I wrote to Yorkshire Water to ask why Gouthwaite Dam has been closed to the public and guess what, they wrote back.......

"Dear Yorkshiresoul,
Regarding your enquiry concerning access over Gouthwaite Dam.

I am sorry you planned walk turned out to be longer than anticipated,however there is no public access over the dam or to the grounds of thereservoir. The reasons for this are three fold.

There is the security/privacy of the former reservoir keepers house at the end of the dam.

The sporting rights over the reservoir and land within the boundary are owned by a third party and their privacy/security has to be considered.

The third and possibly most imprortant being, the whole of the site of Gouthwaite Reservoir including the dam is designated a Site of Special Scientific Interest by English Nature for its bird life under the Wildlife and Countryside Act. One of the many legally binding resticted activities imposed by this designation is public access to the site.

The only areaswith public access are the three viewing areas we have provided alongside the road to Ramsgill. I hope this explains the situation.

Yours sincerely.

Bob Baxter
Access & Recreation Manager"

So I didn't get wht I wanted, but at least they were kind enough to write back.

People/organisations who don't bother to write back, and therefore may be presumed to not give a shit about your complaint include......

Leeds United Football Club - I still want to know why I have to pay a service charge on tickets collected from Elland Road.

Ilkley Council - Why do they put images of Roman soldiers up at Christmas instead of some religious imagery ? Still waiting to find out.

Gig Review - Rammstein / Apocalyptica, MEN Arena 06/02/05

We arrive just as support act Apocalyptica are atarting to tear the place up. Tonight's crowd have come to see a heavy metal band whom they know will sing entirely in German, so if you are open minded enough for that, then four chellists and a drummer playing the loudest, fastest classical music you've ever heard is no problem at all.

The three regular members of Apocalyptica, Eicca Toppinen, Perttu Kivilaako and Paavo Lotjonen, have been joined by a full time drummer, Mikko Siren and an extra guest chellist. The noise they make is quite phenomenal, one or two chellists keeping up a furious rythym whilst the others solo away.

Apocalyptica made their early career on Metallica covers and we get treated to a handful of tracks tonight including Seek And Destroy and Enter Sandman. The crowd's response to Apocalyptica is very positive indeed, the Finnish boys have steered their own course between the world's of heavy metal and classical music and I think they have made a few more friends tonight.

Rammstein's stage set looks like spare space ship sections from Alien, drummer Cristoph Schneider is perched up on top, the guitarists are lowered to the front section of the stage on hydraulic lifts, Till has his own entrance beneath the drumkit.



I'm stunned, I've seen an awful lot of bands live, far too many to count, and from the off this is one of the best, most professional performances I have ever seen. Rammstein's distinctive, pounding brand of heavy metal seems perfect for the larger gig, the sound is clear and Till's bass vocals can be felt as much as they are heard.

Rammstein charge through a selection of their best songs, Keine Lust, Feuer Frei, Rein Raus, Sensucht, Du Hast, Du Reichst So Gut, Los, Moskau, Morgernstern, it's all fantastic.

And the fireworks!! You can feel the heat from the numerous pyrotechnic explosions all the way to the back of the arena, it must be roasting hot on stage. The members of Rammstein don't wander around too much during songs, it's too bloody dangerous!

Keyboard player Christian Lorenz is a madman, whilst Till stands around looking all dark, muscular and moody, Lorenz performs a lunatic thigh slapping dance next to him, and gets a big cheer, there are further cheers when he appears with his keyboards perched atop a pedway which he zooms around the stage on.

There's a fair amount of humour in Rammstein's show, you couldn't help but laugh during Mein Teil when Till drags Lorenz on stage in a giant cooking kettle and proceeds to set it on fire with the aid of a huge flamethrower.



For the encore we get treated to Rammstein, Stripped and a couple of others I've forgotten amidst the explosive mayhem on stage. It has been fantastic, utterly brilliant, in around 25 years of going to gigs this is right up in the top five. Rammstein have a well deserved reputation as a literally explosive live act, the fans love them and sing along in German as the band deliver song after stunning song.

Till makes only one comment in between songs, it's in English......."Fuck London, we like Manchester", and they're gone. Usually it's your eardrums tht suffer after a gig, tonight it's my eyeballs, I've still got little dancing patches in front of me when we get back to the car. Thanks boys, it was great, don't be strangers now.

Captions ?

Getting To Know Your Friends

There's a heap of these arrived in my inbox, by popular demand then.....
1. What time did you get up this morning? 7.15am

2. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I think it was The Incredibles

4. What is your favourite TV show? I don't really know, CSI is pretty good, I enjoyed Buffy, I always like watching Time Team

5. What did you have for breakfast? Porage and coffee

6. What is your middle name? Andrew, my parents chose all Royal names for me and my sister

7. What is your favourite cuisine? I have to pick one ? Oh, British, or Chinese, or French, perhaps Mexican or Indian.

8. What foods do you dislike? Tripe, raw or cooked, I'm not all that taken with sushi, and vegan cookery

9. What kind of car do you drive? It's a vauxhall, I don't know what sort, it's silver (but mucky)

10. Favourite sandwich? Turkey breast, crispy bacon, mayo, grated mature cheddar and a sprinkling of spring onion

11. What characteristic do you despise? Wilful ignorance.

12. Favourite item of clothing? My enormous New Rock boots

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go ? Canada, New Zealand, Thailand, Hong Kong, The Lake District, Scotland

14. What colour is your bathroom? Blue

15. Favourite brand of clothing? You are joking ?

16. Where would you retire to? Kettlewell, Swinsty Hall

17. Favourite time of the day? None

18. What was your most memorable birthday? Spent my 18th walking the West Highland Way, that was good, had a few nice summer birthday parties at #32, looking forward to my 40th

19 Where were you born? St. Jimmy's, Leeds

20. Favourite sport to watch? Cricket

21. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Oh, was I supposed to pass it on ?

22. Person you expect to send it back first? See above

23. What fabric detergent do you use? Amway

24. Pepsi or coke? Pepsi Max as Coke tastes like battery acid, but I'm making a choice not to drink either, I'll stick to Robinson's Lemon Barley Water

25. Are you a morning person or night owl? In my job, both

26. What is your shoe size? 9

27. Do you have any pets? No

28. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family and friends? Yorkshire is the best place on earth, although I realise that's accepted fact rather than news

29. What did u want to be when you were little? A heavy metal star

30. What are you meant to be doing today? Work, then I might watch the rugby later on

Further questions for Yorkshire Soul may be sent to the usual address.

Captions ?

A tourist walked into a curio shop in Ilkley. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking he decided he must have it.
He took it to the counter. “How much for the bronze rat?”
“Twelve quid for the rat, one hundred quid for the story,” the owner said.
The tourist gave the shop owner twelve pounds.
“I’ll take the rat. You can keep the story.”
As he walked down the street carrying the rat, he soon noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and began following him. This was disconcerting, so he began walking faster.
But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. He began to trot toward the river Wharfe, but looking back he saw that the rats now numbered in the millions, were squealing ever louder, and coming toward him faster and faster.
Now scared, he broke into a run, then a full Olympic sprint to the edge of the Wharfe where he threw the bronze rat as far out as he could muster. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the river after the bronze rat, and they all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop.
“Aha!” said the owner. “You’ve come back for the story!”
“No,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze Lancastrian.”

Walking Yorkshire - Swinsty, Fewston and Thrusscross

A walk around three of the local reservoirs, only a handful of miles from home. I parked in the the Swinsty Plantation car park, very pretty especially in summer, there are nice picnic tables and proper loos, bring the family.



We had tremendous storms a couple of weeks ago, the damaage is visible all over the Dales, trees felled, often crashing through the dry stone walls. Here you can see felled pines inside the Swinsty Moor Plantation.




If I win the lottery, I'm going to knock on the door of Swinsty Hall and see if the owner wants to sell. It's in the middle of a wood, at the end of a dirt track, there are perhaps ten farms/houses in a one mile radius from it and only one other building in view (Swinsty Cottage across the reservoir). In summer the Hall's gardens are magnificent, with trickling streams, gentle pools and huge, semi wild looking plants. The house itself looks fantastic and I think I fell in love with it the first time I hiked past.



Oddly, the colours of this burnt out car in the Swinsty Reservoir car park are strangely complementary to the late winter browns of the woods.



Snowdrops blooming in the woods at Fewston Embankment.



Blubberhouses Cricket Club, and one of the county's smallest pitches. If you can't hammer a 6 here then you won't get one anywhere, if you're a fast bowler you have to start your run up in the river, there's only about five yards difference between the slips, thirdman and the boundary, it's wonderful.



Looking through the round window at the twitcher's hide at the pool above the Washburn River.



There's a canoeing school here. I can understand that sometimes the canoos get broken, but why don't you take them home you scruffy buggers, it's no use leaving heaps of pressed fibreglass behind a wall, it isn't going to rot away. This is littering of the most offensive sort, from people who use the countryside for their enjoyment, they really should know better.



Thruscross Dam, it has a dark and malevolent aspect, like a creation of Sauron.




Big Yorkshire skies over Thruscross Reservoir.



Looking into the pine woods at Springs Crag, by 'eck, it looks dark and foreboding in there.



Ruins, of I don't know what, at Thruscross North Spur.



On the way home in the mid afternoon sun. Thruscross Dam again, there's a car park on the South side with picnic tables and some benches where I'm sat having a coffee and taking in the view.



Newborn, Blubberhouses Hall. This little lamb and it's twin were still wet, too wobbly to run away from me when I appeared around the wall end, they still had their umbilical crods hanging down. The ewe wasn't too happy with me being so close so I took a quick picture and pressed on.



Looking across Fewston from the Beecroft Moor Plantation to Busky Dike Lane.



After I had finished the walk I stopped for a few minutes on the moors to watch the sunset turn from the picture above to the picture below.



If you want to walk this route, it is about 14.5 miles, it's a mostly flat route with a very small amount of hill climbing at the North end of Thrusscross. You might find OS Explorer 297 handy. The paths around Swinsty and Fewston are in the most part well made and maintained, around Thruscross you have to cross a couple of miles of fairly easy moorland and fields. Go on, try it, have fun.

Restaurant Review - India, Ilkley***

The decor, lighting and furniture are all excellent, the restaurant looks really good. We walked in at 7ish on Wednesday night without booking and got a table, it was a bit chill and raining outside and we got a table next to the fire, nice one. As we perused the extensive menu the lighting changed from a sort of dusky look to a blazing sunrise effect, very nice.

There appear to be about 7 staff working, and about the same amount of customers. One girl on the front desk, two or three waiters with microphones and earpieces so they can talk to the front desk six feet away and a small gaggle of chefs.

We ordered some drinks, which came promptly. Then I asked to order the food, messages are passed via the microphone system and another waiter appears with a hand held computer. After a lot of messing about we place our order, I can't help but think it would have taken far less time just to write the order down on an order pad.

The poppadums and pickles we ordered never arrive, one staff member per customer, a computerized ordering system and we can't get our nibbles, not good. The starters arrive quickly though. We both went for tandoori mixed kebab, which was fine, but not exceptional.

The main course follows rapidly enough, although I'm getting fed up of the Chinese whispers ordering system every time I want a bottle of beer. I had a garlic chilly mince curry, Mrs YS went for a very nice chicken dopiaza. I had chapati's which were rather thick and doughy, Mrs YS had a very nice garlic naan. My main course was supposed to be medium hot, but I struggled to eat it, Meg said it was close very hot indeed after trying a mouthful.

Our meals were ok, but not really better than the local competition, with the set up of the place I thought they were going for the Tamarind/Zaika end of the market, but no, it seems to be a pretty standard Indian restaurant just with much nicer surroundings.

What I didn't like were the hovering waiters, they were two in our section of the room, looking after four people. It felt like we were eating under intense scrutiny as they stood peering down at you, depending where you sit you might have a waiter almost at your elbow all night, some people might like this, I do not. I have come out to spend the evening with my wife and I don't want the waiting staff hovering by able to hear every word we speak.

The bill for two starters, two curries, 3 bottled beers, 2 sprites, naan and chappati's came to £35, they tried to charge me for the poppadums and pickles, but did remove this from the bill when I pointed out they had not actually brought them to our table.