Have you made plans for the attack of the killer zombies ? Well have you ? Waitress/chefette Rachel was telling me that she had watched 28 Days Later (but apparently had not found it as pants wettingly scary as I did) and the film had caused her to put some thought into what she would do in the event of Ilkley society being turned into a horde of bleeding eyed murderous undead. I was quite happily surprised at Rachel's admission, prior to this I thought that I was the only person loopy enough to have put serious thought into planning for the zombie apocalypse. The other waitress on duty, Robyn, was by now staring at the pair us aghast and saying things like "Why are you talking like this ? Have you gone mad ?". "No," I replied. "We are the organised ones, when the undead swarm arrives we'll know what to do, you'll just have to run away screaming." Actually, the running away screaming bit figures quite heavily in my plans as well. It turns out that Rachel's plan to survive the undead end of the world scenario involves breaking into the golf club and stealing all my tinned food, the little bugger! My own plans were more along the lines of getting my hiking boots on, packing my big rucksack with all the dried food I can fit in and heading for the hills. Rachel also thought the club kitchen would be a handy source of weapons to use on the zombies, I'm not so sure. A 12" serrated ham knife may look fairly dangerous if you waft it in the direction of your own fingers, but it really lacks the weight required for decapitating flesh hungry undead. Thus, when Rachel arrives, she will find that I have already removed the large Chinese style cleaver for my own protection and she will have to fight off the zombies with a selection of paring knives and apple corers. Anyway, come the zombie apocalypse, it looks like me and Rachel are going to survive, we are organised, we have plans, we're really sorry that the rest of you are going to spend eternity as mindless, shuffling automatons, or Ikea customers.