Last night I met the Yorkshire Ranter and his good lady, we had a wide ranging and interesting discussion including, but not limited to, ID cards, MP's wages, why I'd rather be represented in Parliament by a Lhasa Apso than Chris Leslie, Yorkshire, Paris. All very pleasant it was. Then I had to run off and meet the family at Tubby Wadlow's, which was closed. A quick phone call to find out we are now meeting at the Cow & Calf, so I popped in to Escape to wait for Mrs.YS to pick me up. I was quite happy, sitting at the bar reading, when a crowd of drunken youngish blokes pile in. They all order double brandys. Then there's a shout. "Oy lads, this bloke's reading, a book." I liked that pause, it's almost as if I could have got away with reading if only it had been something normal, like the Daily Sport. "No, it's ok lads, he's only looking at celebrity tits, phwoaar, that Abi Titmuss is a goer int' she ?." I get left alone for a few moments, then drunk shouty bloke leans over my shoulder. "You want to be talking to us mate not reading a book." "No, I'm quite happy thanks." "What is it anyway ?" The book gets yanked out of my hands, and with admirable bad timing, my mobile phone goes off, so I'm trying to talk to Mrs.YS whilst simultaneously rescuing my book from drunk shouty man. "It says," he announces to the beered up mob. "How to know if you're dead. Easy mate, you stop breathing, you're dead." General laughter, I might have joined in, but I'm feeling the teeniest bit intimidated now. Anyway, I get my book back, sup up and leave. Drunk shouty bloke might be a perfectly nice guy, when sober, when drunk though, he's just annoying. Things to remember, for drunk shouty types. I have chosen to read this book, not because I'm waiting for some beer monster to some and break the monotony, but because I want to read it. The book is more interesting than you are. I am not lonely, friendless, billy no-mates, saddo or, professor bookworm. Although you have now asked me the same question three times, I would still prefer to read the book than to talk to you. I still don't know how to know if you're dead, beacause YOU WON'T LET ME FINISH THE FUCKING CHAPTER!