Yesterday was the day on which I play my annual round of competitive golf, the Staff vs. Committee match, and we lost 3-1, the first loss for the staff in about 12 years. I had a dreadful round, in the trees and/or sand all afternoon, I only scored on three holes and we went down 7 and 6.



Photo taken by Mrs.YS showing my only decent bunker shot of the day.

In the last Yorkshire Soul Pointless Poll I asked you to choose someone better than Tony Blair to run the country, overwhelmingly you went for The Cast Of The Muppets.
Hang on, empty, hollow puppet people manipulated by some shady backstage figure speaking someone else's words, isn't that Tony Blair and his puppeteer Alistair Campbell ?

Anyway, the Muppets will be ably supported in their new role by a cabinet compromising Baroness Thatcher, Sir Geoffrey Boycott, Ozzy Ozbourne and 'that Little Ginger Bloke from the Liberals'.

No votes went to Iain Duncan Smith, Mr. T, or sadly, Bill Oddie, shame on you all, Bill would make a fine Prime Minister.

Beatniksalad Interviews Yorkshire Soul

This is a nice little variation on the Friday Five meme that so many bloggers use, here are the rules..........

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

1 - Convince the world that Yorkshire does indeed have Soul, because I'm sceptical.

Where do you go to find the Soul of Yorkshire ? Is it to be found amongst the heather, bracken, grouse and sheep on the high moors, partly, and partly also in the steel mills of Sheffield and the factories of Doncaster and Bradford.

Really though, Yorkshires Soul is to be found in it's people. See the hill farmer whistling his dogs and counting yan - tan - tethara, there it is. See the Black Sheep draymen sharing a ribald joke as they lower a barrel down the drop, there it is. See the lass with the pram, pushing her baby boy down to the shops, stopping for a natter over neighbours walls and hedges, there it is.

We carry it with us, we Tykes, it's why we chant the county name at football matches, and we notice that you don't chant 'Lancashire' or 'Cheshire' or 'Sussex' in return. I see where you are coming from with this question Ryan, you're the atheist meeting the priest. You know there's something inside, intangible to you, solid and real for him. It's inside you know, Yorkshire, Soul.



2 - Heavy metal fans never really grew out of that confused and angry phase of adolescence. Discuss.

I'm still angry and confused, so is Jello Biafra, and Jaz Coleman, and Wattie Buchan, And Serge Tankian. All is not right with the world.

Sadly, Good Charlotte, Korn, Blink 182 and their moronic ilk are confused as well, and angry also, they're angry at rich people (and without irony too), or at their parents, or anyone in authority, just so long as it doesn't involve thinking and taking responsibility.

Heavy metal has a bad press, and its name is Kerrang, rocks own version of the Daily Sport, where every interview focuses on drink, drugs, sex and violence. Kerrang is now the biggest selling music paper in the UK, and it's editor has the mind of a delinquent 14 year old on cheap cider.

Angry and confused, hell yes, but I'm old enough to be Dazed and Confused also.

3 - Do you ever get really angry and want to destroy stuff? If so, what usually provokes this?

The usual things, idiot waitress drops 10 litres of freshly made wild mushroom soup, commis serves hollandaise with the apple crumble, table 3's main courses (including the last portion of monkfish) get delivered to table 7.

Oh, and bland acceptance of mediocrity, and people who use the word 'Whatever' as a be all and end all in conversations, if you tell me to 'talk to the hand' you must accept that I will become enraged and beat you with a cricket bat.

4 - To what extent do you think about your weblog, and/or your own general 'online' life, when you should be doing things like trying to get to sleep, or conversing with real human beings who are in front of you and can be touched and everything?

Oh dear, I enjoy my job, but it isn't always particularly mentally taxing, so I spend a lot of time at work daydreaming ideas for the blog. I keep a scribble pad handy to make notes in case something sparks an idea, and if you've read the stuff that makes it to the blog, you can only imagine the shite I've binned.

What keeps me awake at night? Worrying about big functions, weddings and the like, I'll lie awake running the prep and service order over and over in my mind.

5 - If Yorkshire was evacuated because of an outbreak of 28 Days Later style zombie rage fever, would you stay and take on the murderous Infected and live life hand-to-mouth, mostly alone and always on the run, or would you move to fashionable Shoreditch, where the only remnants of human society you knew of were hiding out in a heavily armed and barricaded sushi bar, snorting coke and discussing how the Detroit garage rock scene is so end-of-2002?

Coke snorting merchant bankers and wannabe grungers, or bloody eyed murderous zombies ? It's YSoul takes on the zombies then, I couldn't stand a load of southerners moaning on about how the Infected were affecting house prices and playing hell with their stock options, no, I'll roam the moors, shooting pheasant for tea and zombies for fun.

Honestly though, 28 Days scared the pants off me, for two weeks afterwards I had to carry a torch around the club with me when I locked up at night.

Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - week 5

Rules, if you want to enter the weekly comp and league, e-mail me with the answers, come on the ladies!

1) It's a spherical cloud of comets, perhaps 10 trillion in number, out beyond Jupiter, what is it called?

2) Who is this ?



3) Britain went to war with Spain in 1739 because Spanish coastguards cut off part of Captain Robert Jenkins anatomy, what did the poor man lose?

4) What was the Roman name for the area of Africa where present day Algeria is?

5) Who is this ?



6) In which year did Christian Dior show his first fashion collection ?

7) Here is a pretty looking city at dusk, where is this ?



8) "And in a shed, in a siding at the end of the railway, lives the Locomotive of the Merioneth and Llantisilly Rail Traction Company Limited, which was a long name for a little engine so his friends just called him.............."

What do they call him, and what does he keep in his firebox ?

9) Who was worshipped here, and where is this ?



10) Who is Vincent Furnier better known as ?

I don't know why clever, intellectual, sharp and political bloggers keep linking to me, but they do, maybe it's on the lines of 'look kiddies, if you don't pay attention at school your blog will turn out like this', that said, welcome to The People's Republic of Seabrook, no relation to the famous Yorkshire potato crisp makers I presume ?

My favourite spam of the week is an advert for a penis enlarger with the title line........Fatten Up That Hot Dog.

Stuck for a special gift for a loved one, how about a miniature model of the Alma Tunnel in Paris, complete with Princess Di's car rammed into a pillar ? Not tasteful enough for you ? How about the WACO buildings then, with added flames ? The Pentagon with missing side ? Oklahoma Federal Building partially collapsed ? Buy here.

Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - week 4 Answers


1) Who is this bloke with the splendid tache ?



Yorkshire Soul Needs You! That's Lord Kitchener.

2) Which two native American tribes took part in the Battle of the Little Bighorn ?

The Sioux and the Cheyenne

3) "A shillin' a day,
Bloomin' good pay -
Lucky to touch it, a shillin' a day"

Who wrote this poem, and what is it called ?

A Shillin' A Day - Rudyard Kipling

4) Where in the world is this, name the city and the street ?



This is the Ramblas that runs through the heart of Barcelona.

5) The worlds oldest civilization, the Sumerians, lived on the land between which two rivers ?

Euphrates and the Tigris, bonus kudos for P for getting in Roger Waters' "There's a leisure centre now" and JR shows us the benefits of a classical education by ointing out that Mesopotamia means 'between the rivers' in Greek.

6) Who stared in the films 'One Week', 'The Navigator' and 'The Cameraman' ?

Buster Keaton

7) What is the freaky looking monkey called ? And where is he from ?



This horrible creature is Topov the Monkey, he starred in Pipkins.

8) What is a musket carrying cavalry man called ?

Dragoon

9) Which two bands was Paul Weller in before starting his solo career ?

The Jam, Style Council

10) Who is the chap doing the jump jet impression ?



Fearsome African fielder, Jonty Rhodes

This weeks entries - 5, scores from a possible 16

Dr. P (Again!) 14
Aftergrog 10
Kennamatic 10
JR 9
P 9

League Table Week 4 (Name, Score Week 4, Running Total)

1) Dr P 14/32
2) JR 9/18
3) Tony 10/10
4) Dave 10/10
5) Andy W 0/5
6) Sheila 0/2
7) Redmaiden 0/1

Can anyone get close to Dr P ? Lets see the girls getting some entries in next week, come on Saeri, Reddy, Shiela, Eleanor and crew, show the boys what you're made of.
See you with the quiz on Monday.

Ping Pong as played by the cast of the Matrix.

Thanks to Dr P

Keep those racist food items flooding in..........

White Bread
Crackers!! What more can I Say ?
Black Magic !! You might as well call them huge black donger sex treats!
White Wine, made by the KKK so niggers can't drink it.

You absolute bloody idiots PETA, milk advertising is not racist, but
this is, so is this, and this lot also. And while you're at it, point your newsreader at Alt.Revisionism and hammer the evil swine who preach that the holocaust never happened.

A new poster by my favourite fuckwits P.E.T.A. Their spokesman Sean Gifford summoned up enough energy to speak for a short while and said.......

"Our poster is an attack on the dairy industry campaign 'The White Stuff - Are You Made Of It?', which not only gives the false impression that milk is good for you, but also has racist undertones."

Racist undertones ??? Milk is white, it's about the whitest food there is. What should we do ? Make it all in to chocolate milk so as not to offend coloured people ?

Mr Gifford went on to whisper.........

"We chose Bernard Manning for the poster because he has suffered a stroke and angina, possibly brought on by his love of milk, and also because he is known for his racial intolerance during his so-called comedy routines, proot, proot, wibble, look mama, waltzing welsh dressers."

Now I'm not saying that PETA are absolutely fucking barking mad, no wait, yes I am, they are totally bloody bonkers. Milk is racist, and this is only the first racist foodstuff that PETA might have a go at, eat your supplies of these foods before they become politically incorrect..........

White Chocolate
Black Pudding (doubly politically incorrect with it's obvious reference to black male genitalia)
Black Coffee
Yellow Split Peas
Brown Sugar
Cajun Black Spice
Paki Takeaways

Anyone looking for a new job ? Would you like mostly naked young ladies writhing in your lap ? Of course you would, apply here.

Two people about to get a sound kicking.

Blackout

As large parts of America's Eastern seaboard were blacked out over the weekend, millions of Americans had to come to terms with the very real difficulties a lack of power can bring.

Many Yanks, some who were over four hundred yards away from their cars, broke down in tears when they realised there were no subway trains, moving walkways or escalators to help them get back to their vehicles.

Hundreds of New Yorkers, some of whom weigh over 400 pounds, had to wobble all the way home, distraught that without electricity, they couldn't even pick up refreshments from their favourite McDonalds/Wendys/IHOP/Lard-U-Like.

Henry Pinkington, who sells fruit by the side of the busy Manhattan Interstate, had a bumper day, but it was not without it's problems. One 450lb woman in a lime green shell suit (a taste crisis of Biblical proportions), asked what the orange thing was?

"It's an orange."

"Why have you taken it out of the wrapper ?" she said.

"Huh?"

"I'll have one of those mega-meal oranges."

"Lady, that's a melon."

Blame for the incident was laid squarely at the feet of the Canadians, George Bush said........

"These evil Al Canucka terrorists won't get away with this, as soon as someone tells me who their leader is, we'll bust a cap in his ass."

Things are looking up, we managed to draw the first match of the season, Smitty and Fatboy both scored and Lee 'Scum' Bowyer had to be substituted for being shite, and on top of this, England won a test against the mighty South Africans. It's just a shame that Vaughan has got a bad dose of 'England Captains Disease', inspired team, rotten personal form.

A Dangerous Childhood : The Paraffin Catapult

Our teacher was impressed, we had sat quietly for almost a whole lesson as we learned the basics of Roman warfare. We were impressed, the Romans could build bloody huge death dealing weapons that could smash and mangle people at a great distance, small boys like this sort of thing.

A plan was formed, we trooped off to the sandbanks by the river, borrowing some items on the way from the Barrett Homes building site, and sent Chris to purchase a bottle of finest paraffin. Whatever we did, we always did it with a bottle of something flammable, fires made a good end to the day.

With our borrowed rope and wood we lashed together a catapult of sorts, fastened between two saplings, counter balanced and with wound rope for extra spring. Amazing, we had paid attention in school and we had learnt things. The catapult took most of the day to build and get right, but by early evening we were lobbing stones halfway across the river, fairly sizeable stones at that.

But we didn't warn to knock down the walls of the enemy, no, we wanted to burn them down. Our reasoning went that if we could propel a rock half way over the river, we should be able to get something lighter, four toilet rolls soaked in paraffin for example, all the way across.

We were ready, two string tied toilet rolls were placed in the holder, dripping with paraffin, a light was applied and the string was cut, the arm shot forwards and the counter weight hit the ground, the fiery package ascended vertically into the night sky watched by half a dozen astounded small boys. It struck the branch of a large tree and exploded, ooh, aah, we said. It showered back down in red hot splashes of burning liquid and sticky patches of red hot papier mache, oh shit, fuck we said as we danced around trying to put out our burning hair/clothing/friends.

So we never did manage to propel a burning ball of fire across the river, but we made a pretty good effort at creating napalm, not bad for 10 year olds.

Coins On The Railway Line

Cookie and the Genie

Norways famous burning mountain huts

Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - Week 3


1) Name the 4 English clubs that have won a hat trick of FA Cups ? Liverpool, Gooners, Scum U, Huddersfield Town.

2) What are Pinxtos ? Small bread based tapas from the Basque fegion.

3) Who plays the cop trying to help Colin Farrel in Phonebooth ? Forest Whitaker

4) Who is this chap, extra point for getting his full name ? Vladimir Ilyich Lenin

5) In which country would you find the cities of Jamalpur and Khulna ? Bangladesh

6) "In defeat unbeatable : in victory unbearable" Who was talking about whom ? Churchill on Montgomery

7) Dysprosium, Erbium and Promethium are all elements in which series ? Lanthanide

8) Who will chair the enquiry into David Kelly's death ? Lord Hutton

9) Who is this........... Chaminda Vaas

10) Which Amercian state is nicknamed 'The Tar Heel State' ? North Dakota

Oh dear, only two entries this week, Dr P wins the week with a score of 10 from 15, JR entered but posted me a corrupted wordpad document to decipher, 1 point for effort then.

Position) Name, Week 3 Score, Total Score

1) Dr P 10/18
2) Andy W 0/5
3) Sheila 0/2
4) JR 1/1
5) Redmaiden 0/1
6) P 0/0

A sex-starved wife is fed up with her boozy husband.

Every night he comes in drunk and falls asleep straight away.
It comes to a point where she hasn't had a good shag for over a year and
is considering divorce.

After another night in the pub, she decides to confront him when he gets home.
When he staggers through the front door, before she can have a go at him, he coos "baby, get upstairs to the bedroom".

She can't believe it - at last he's going to give her one. They get to the bedroom and he rips off her clothes.

"Now darling do a hand-stand against the full length mirror on the wall."
"Hmmm," she things "KINKY. I like it".

She does the hand-stand and her hubby pulls her legs apart and puts his chin on her privates.

"The boys down the pub were right," he says, " a goatee would suit me!"

(Thanks to Cheryl)
>
>

The new football season looms ominously, by this time next year, it might have already started. Optimistic Leeds fans are as common as rocking horse shit.

Due to massive financial mismanagement out glorious Champions League squad has been sold across Europe. Due to a change in management from young, gifted and clever (DOL) to old, past it and bizarre (El Tel, Alan Smith is not a winger and Dacourt was the best player we had), we have gone from Champions League qualifiers to barely escaping relegation.

The closed season has been a disaster, stripped of nearly all our big players, Leeds have more or less the squad we had 4-5 years ago, and the old boys have lost all our warm up matches.

Elsewhere in the Premiership, Chelsea's new leader is busy buying a mockery of the game. We are becoming American Football, supporting the franchise rather than the local boys.

My prediction for the forthcoming season then, Leeds will be lucky to avoid relegation, Chelsea will win and in doing so will prove just how morally bankrupt modern football has become.

Oh, and Stenhousemuir ? 8th place, no promotion, no relegation, no long cup runs, just another steadily poor season, COME ON THE WARRIORS!

Book Review - The Scar - China Mieville *****



Bellis Coldwine is on the run, escaping New Crobuzon and the militia violence and witch hunts of Perdido Street Station, she takes passage on a ship bound for the furthest flung colony of New Crobuzon, life is already fairly bad when her ship is taken by pirates.

So opens another doorstep sized Mieville novel. Again he presents us with a gritty fantasy, magic meshed with machines, and more bizarre ideas than you can wave a William Gibson novel at.

Mieville's head has so many ideas that they pour out constantly, this time around we have the rather fantastic Armada, the floating pirate city made from stolen ships, more new races of creatures, the knife scarred Lovers, Remade, humans and Vampires, cactus men balloon pilots, oh, and the biggest monster ever to feature in a fantasy novel, step forward the Avanc, and look out, its a mile long.

Coldwine resents life in the pirates base, but she is put to work more or less as a free women, from another refugee she learns of a terrible danger to New Crobuzon, and even though she flees its authorities, she tries to help. Her actions though have consequences far different from what she had hoped.

The plot moves and turns throughout the novel, there are many small revelations along the way, but as the Lovers don't really know themselves what they are up to, as the reader you are kept in suspense right until the end. An awesome read, the downside is that these are big tomes, and Mieville takes his time in writing them, don't expect another slice of Bas Lag life until late next year.

The YSoul Pointless Poll reveals that...........In the YSoul Orgy, to be held shortly after the end of the YSoul dinner party, our ideal naked, oily and slippery guests would be......

Anjarchista as the most popular choice followed by Redmaiden and Brian Molko with Tatu and Krissy from Jailbabes making up the numbers.

Sadly I didn't poll enough votes to make it to my own sex party, and the other big boys, John Holmes and Muffin the Mule, didn't make it either, bah, we're going to form our own group and call it Tripod.

Ey up and greetings from tropical Yorkshire. Kitchen temperature havn't dropped below 30 C/80 F all week, the only way we can make sandwiches is by applying the butter with a paint brush. Us Brits don't do heat very well, we spend all winter whinging about the rain and cold, and then whinge more when it gets hot.

Another hot day is on the way, mind you, it's doing wonders for my fruit garden, anyone want to come round and see my mango's ?

Yorkshire Soul's Rambling Quiz - Week 3

Ok, so e-mail me the answers if you want to be entered for the league, then pray that hotmail doesn't throw them all in the bin.

1) Name the 4 English clubs that have won a hat trick of FA Cups ?

2) What are Pinxtos ?

3) Who plays the cop trying to help Colin Farrel in Phonebooth ?

4) Who is this chap, extra point for getting his full name ?



5) In which country would you find the cities of Jamalpur and Khulna ?

6) "In defeat unbeatable : in victory unbearable" Who was talking about whom ?

7) Dysprosium, Erbium and Promethium are all elements in which series ?

8) Who will chair the enquiry into David Kelly's death ?

9) Who is this...........



10) Which Amercian state is nicknamed 'The Tar Heel State' ?

Yorkshiresoul's Rambling Quiz - week 2 Answers

Sorry about the Hotmail disaster, I know at least three entries were lost and not reposted. Look out for the quiz on Monday.

1) Who is this.........



Long time Disney Ceo Micheal Eisner, nobody on YS knows this man.

2) Whose flag is this........



The shame, nobody recognises the flag of the Falkland Islands.

3) What is the capitol of Guyana ? Georgetown.

4) What is the surname of the brothers who made the first manned balloon flight ?

Oh bugger, before researching further I thought it was the Montgolfier brothers, so a point if you put that, if you knew better (like Andy W) gain another point for pointing that they just built the balloon and forced two other poor sods to go up in it.

5) If a batsman breaks his bat when striking the ball, and a piece of the bat hits the stumps, how is he out ? Hit wicket.

6) Who plays drums on the new Killing Joke album ? Dave Grohl.

7) A supercarrier bringing thousands of luxury cars sank in the English Channel 8 months ago, it was raised yesterday, what is it called ? The Tricolour

8) Which island chain is bordered by the Luzon Strait, the South China Sea, the Sulu sea, the Celebes sea and the sea that bears the islands name ? The Phillipines

9) Who painted this, and what is it called ?



Henri Toulouse Lautrec, At The Moulin Rouge - Two Women Waltzing

10) What was the name of the ship in which Captain Scott sailed to the Antarctic and back ? The Discovery.

This weeks winner with a very creditable 7 points from a possible 12 is Dr P.

League Table Week 2 (Position, Name, Week 2 Score, Total Score)

1) Dr p 6/8
2) Andy W 5/5
3) Sheila 0/2
4) Redmaiden 1/1
5) P 0/0

Disaster! Hotmail is back up, but a server error has removed my stored messages, quiz players can e-mail their answers for week 2 today (Friday), I will post the answers and league table on Saturday morning.

Bums away! That's one in the eye for Jerry.

I can't get access to my hotmail at the moment, so no quiz results until later, instead, some random links.

At first Rent a Negro sounds appallingly racist, but I think it crosses the fine line into satire.

I was going to do this, but this chap got there first, very funny, good effort.

How SF is this ? Walk through advertising.

Just scanning the junk that arrives in my mailbox every morning and I came across this.......

"Jizz dizzled on her face fo shizzle"

Any ideas ?

They have trains in Australia, and across Africa, I know this because I have seen Michael Palin riding on them, but in good old Blighty the trains stop in the summer because of the heat, they stop in the winter because of the snow (wrong kind or otherwise), they stop in the autumn because of the leaves, just wondering, do the train operating companies have a handy spring excuse ? Perhaps you could help them.

You know when you throw up in the back of a taxi you have to pay 50 quid, well just pay the man, the alternative could be this.

I have started a photo of the day thingy, which will be hosted here. When I remember to upload one anyway, so it's more likely to be a 'photo every other day' or even 'photo of the week'.

Insane ? Genius ?? You decide.

Wine Review - Bestheim Riesling 2001, Alsace ****

I know, I know, I said I wasn't going to drink French wine again, but Alsace is too good to miss out on.

This is a good Riesling with nice oil/petrol notes amongst the grapefruit and light citrus flavours, winner of the 2002 Alsace Medaille D'Or. I prefer Riesling to the much more popular Chardonnay and Sauvignon, it is a much more refined grape, it's flavours can be more subtle and better defined than Chardonnay, and it carries it's flavour better without needing the overtly sharp acidity of Sauvignon.

Nicely presented in a tall green bottle with bright gold and yellow label, bought from Laithwaites, about £9 a bottle as part of a mixed Bestheim case (with Tokay Pinot Gris and Gewurtztraminer).

Engage brain before opening gob, I came back from a wonderful days walking yesterday and announced to the staff........

"Guess what, I've joined the National Front"

Cue startled and horrified looks, of course I meant to say I joined the National Trust.

I spent the day walking the estate at Fountains Abbey & Studley Royal, stunningly beautiful, both the abbey ruins and the Georgian water gardens. Entrance is only five quid and there is a nice restaurant and a childrens activity centre for when you get tired of pushing them in the river.

Here is something to frighten you all with, Yorkshiresoul with a big gun...........



Mrs YS and myself went to the CLA Game Fair on Saturday, brilliant day out, the fair at Harewood House was huge, you could have spent a couple of days there just wandering the stalls and exhibitions.

I managed a creditable 7 from 10 on the clay shoot, including getting the brace at the end, did a lot of wine tasting, and food sampling, saw some ducks, and dogs, and watched a chukka of polo and saw this talented chap carving owls and mushrooms with a chainsaw..............



I also signed up with the Countryside Alliance.



Now that the government has got it's teeth in to fox and stag hunting, it looks like hare coursing will be next on their list, if we allow that, where will they stop ? No shooting ?
No glorious 12th ?

Yorkshiresoul's Rambling Quiz - week 2

If you want entering into the league, e-mail the answers to me by Friday, otherwise just post comments and gibberish as usual.

1) Who is this.........



2) Whose flag is this........



3) What is the capitol of Guyana ?

4) What is the surname of the brothers who made the first manned balloon flight ?

5) If a batsman breaks his bat when striking the ball, and a piece of the bat hits the stumps, how is he out ?

6) Who plays drums on the new Killing Joke album ?

7) A supercarrier bringing thousands of luxury cars sank in the English Channel 8 months ago, it was raised yesterday, what is it called ?

8) Which island chain is bordered by the Luzon Strait, the South China Sea, the Sulu sea, the Celebes sea and the sea that bears the islands name ?

9) Who painted this, and what is it called ?



10) What was the name of the ship in which Captain Scott sailed to the Antarctic and back ?

Mummy always said don't play with the rough boys............



Yorkshiresoul's broken finger courtesy of rough boy JR.

Happy Yorkshire Day

If you are a Tyke, congratulations on your astounding good breeding, if you're not, you have my deepest sympathy.

During his speech for the third Colin Cowdrey Spirit of Cricket lecture, Sunil Gavaskar accused Australia and South Africa for being responsible for the majority of sledging.

"Of 150 test cricketers from 10 nations, there are perhaps not even 15 who indulge in verbal abuse and intimidation..........most of these belong to the champion side"

Ysoul phoned an Australian yesterday, he said..........

"What the fuck is this ? It's 3 in the morning here you pommie dickwad. Sledging ? You mean like cottaging ? Hang on, are you the bloke from behind Starbucks at the gay pride march ?"

I hung up.

The Windies never had to sledge, a hard look from Curtley Ambrose was enough to have me cowering behind the settee, lord only knows what it did to opposing batsmen.

England of course are not free from sledgers, Darren Gough was famously caught on camera sledging the crowd when he mouthed "Stick that up your arses you Ozzie wankers" after his hat trick, and captain Mike Gatting got in on the sledging scene by saying....."You fucking cheating Paki bastard", to the umpire.