Although I have written a few times about the dopey errors members of my staff make, today is an exception as my barman yesterday showed sparkling wit.

American visitor "What's the closest thing you have to an American beer ?"

Barman "Tap water or lemonade sir."

Whilst on the subject of wit, here is someone taking an online quiz, less than seriously.

If you fancy an online quiz thingy, this one is passingly amusing, it is entitled Sex or something else, and might not be considered worksafe in some places. This, on the other hand, is worksafe, it's just that there is no rational explanation for it.

The date.........June 26th 1972

The location..........Long Beach Arena

The situation........three quarters of an hour ago Jimmy Page played the opening notes to Black Dog, 45 minutes on and he still hasn't reached the bridge in to the 1st verse, an anxious huddle stands in the wings.

Robert Plant "What are we going to do man?"

Stage manager - Colonel Sanders "What has he been doing, he looks kind of wired?"

John Paul Jones "The usual, three bags of mushrooms, some meth, spliffs and three Lucies"

Colonel S "Is that all?"

JPJ "Er, no, he's been licking toads"

All "NO!!!!!"

(there is a pause)

"Ribbit"

(there is another pause, this time with nervous tics)

Plant "For Gods sake do something"

"Shoot the fucker"

Colonel S "Who said that"

"It's me, Roger Waters, just shoot the fucker, I'd shoot him, I'd have shot fucking Barrett but nancy boy Gilmour stopped me, he played one note for two and a half fucking hours and they wouldn't let me cap him, go on, just shoot the fucker."

John Bonham interjects "Me want hit things, umgowa"

Plant "We can't just shoot him"

Waters "Why the fuck not?"

Plant "I know I'll get one of the groupies to shout really loud in his ear and startle him"

JPJ "Shout what though?"

Plant "Anything.............FISH!"

...........and that's how it happened folks, the groupie was scarred for life and never could visit Harry Ramsdens again.

I had a quiet afternoon yesterday so I popped out to the newsagents and bought an eclectic mix of reading material......

Look at the size of that Frog
Molecule
Clints 'n grikes
Guitar Riff

How The West Was Won - Led Zeppelin ***** (Atlantic)
Another Led Zep compilation, how many does one man need, well I've got about ten so far. This is a triple cd live recording made over three nights in June '72 at the Long Beach Arena. Back in the days when rock stars really were stars, when they knew how to play their instruments, when fear, fire or common sense couldn't stop a guitar riff or a drum solo, case in point Moby Dick, Bonham starts his drum solo fairly early in the track, I left the room, had a cup of coffee, made a phone call or two, came back ten minutes later and the man is still going strong, twenty minutes later he stops (I think Robert Plant had left the stadium for a fish supper and Bonham was filling time until he got back).

Moby Dick though isn't even the longest track on the album, a whopping 23 minutes of Whole Lotta Love fill most of cd3, whilst you have to set aside most of the morning if you want to listen to the elongated version of Dazed and Confused at 2 hours 34 mins.

Do you need this album ? Haven't you got enough Led Zep already ? Will you buy any old crap featuring Page and Plant (J has accused me of this in the past) ? Erm, yes, no and yes respectively, four hour versions of Battle Of Evermore with harpsichord solo, I'll buy that. I was kidding about the length of Dazed by the way, they managed to get it just under half an hour.

Are any other Blogger users having difficulty with the service, especially with regards to altering the site templates ? I can't get it to do a damn thing.

Greetings to regular reader, father in law and all round good bloke Brian, well done to your lot on beating the Blades, and best wishes for your upcoming relegation dogfight. Actually, I hope Wolves do alright in the Premiership, except at Elland Road where I sincerely wish a seven goal spanking upon them. If Villa were to be relegated, DOL or no DOL, I would raise a glass.

Having a frustrating night in the kitchen ? Never ever take it out by kicking a sack of sugar. Sugar has about the same consistency as set concrete and will leave you saying things like "Shite, I've just broken all my toes."

Mad waitress burned her finger on a pan I had just lifted from the oven, apparently it wasn't enough of a hint that I was using double thickness oven cloths. I got her to run the damaged digit under cold water while I went to get a mug of iced water, I placed the mug next to her and continued chopping away, when I turned back to ask if her finger felt any better, she'd drunk the bloody water!

It's a bank holiday, you know you have nothing better to do than play Nazi Kitten Kick Up.

Are you good enough to become a member of Her Majesty's Secret Service ? Find out here.

T.A.T.U. in not naked shock!
Yorkshiresoul space fillers and all hit #1 hit generators TATU shocked the Eurovison Song Contest by doing nothing, no nakedness, no full on lezzy snogs, no nipple twiddling, dozens of Yorkshiresoul readers were left hugely disappointed when the Ruski songbirds failed to get their kit off. They were somewhat mollified however by the appearence of Serteb Erener, pictured below, and her troupe of belly dancing beauties.

The Wee Free Men - Terry Pratchett (Doubleday)***
I think this is supposed to be a Discworld novel for younger readers, but whereas Maurice And His Educated Rodents hit the spot, this one falls quite wide of the mark.

Featuring a would be witch, the Queen of the Faeries and the Nac Mac Feegle, it all looks set for another comic romp with strong moral overtones, but something seems lacking in this novel. The plot seems to wander in strange directions, and the way in which Tiffany the witch wins out seems altogether too, well, airy fairy to be honest. Not Pratchett at his best, if he can't bring his full powers to bear on the childrens novels, give it up, let's have something darker, preferably involving the city watch, more Vimes please!

Disgrace - J M Coetzee (Vintage) ***
The '99 Booker prize winner, it must have been a lean year. David Lurie is a language professor at Cape Town University, divorced and living alone he is finding it hard to maintain normal relationships with women. He visits a call girl on a regular basis, but he mistakes her professional stance for caring and approaches her outside of their paid meeting time, she snubs him. He begins a relationship with a female student in his class which rapidly blurs the distinction between consensual and non-consensual, she reports him and in the ensuing furore he loses his job.

He retreats to his daughters smallholding in the Eastern Cape and tries to rebuild his life in a simpler fashion, but he is subjected to a frightening attack and his daughter is raped by three prowlers. In the aftermath of the rape he tries to come to terms with his daughters acceptance of what has happened, and with her relationship with the neighbouring farmer who he is convinced is involved.

His forceful manner with his daughter sours their relationship and he is forced to leave. At the end of the book he is still alone, but trying hard to regain the trust of his child.

I was disappointed that Coetzee's protagonist couldn't philosophise over his treatment of the student in the same manner in which he does over the violation of his daughter, he finds no parallel between the two events at all. 'Disgrace' also examines the changing power structure in rural South Africa, where a single white, female farmer gradually finds she has no power, respect or social standing at all, and must eventually give up nearly all she has to remain under the tacit protection of her black neighbour. An interesting novel, but for me it left too many stones unturned.

Scaredy Cat - Mark Billingham (Time Warner) ****
Pretty good London based serial killer thriller. Two killers exchange murder notes by e-mail whilst widowed, rough arse detective (they're never happy, well adjusted, 2.5 children sort of cops are they?) Thorne struggles to get to grips with the case. The two killers grew up together and the novel tells two stories at once, the hunt for the killers interspersed with the violent, delinquent school years of the boys.

That historic meeting in full.................

Nelson Mandela (for it is he) "Welcome David, I have seen you play many times, you are an inspiration to children everywhere"

David Beckham "Hello, I've seen you play lots of times as well, and I've got most of your records"

Nelson Mandela "Huh?"

Embarassed aide (whispering) "It's not Willie Nelson, David, it's....."

Beckham "Don't interrupt me, I know Ray Charles when I see him, where's your specs Ray?"

For the man who has everything, Kangaroo Shit Paperweights. And for the ladies they do Koala Crap Earrings as well.

There's a sight I like to see, millions of unhappy Scots (sorry Paddy). Actually though I would have liked Celtic to win, even though they provided the bad omen for LUFC's season by whupping the pants off us in a friendly. Shame about the last goal, I was quite looking forward to penalties.

The Test Match starts tomorow, should we be playing Zimbabwe ? Should we give relevance and credence to a nation where you will be starved to death if you voted the wrong way ? I'll have to keep to the line I walked during the World Cup and say no, especially now that the Zimbabwe cricket team is being picked on political grounds. How so ? Although Flower and Henry Olonga retired from international cricket 'of their own accord', Olonga has had to come and live in England due to fears for his safety, he said in a radio interview that he may bring his family over here as well. He was sacked by his club immediately after the World Cup for his wearing of a black armband during a match.

Sport and politics cannot be seperated, but at least the test matches against Zimbabwe are getting the media interested in the country again, get along to the matches and protest, but don't disrupt.

Ok, it's the very last African pic, but it is the daddy of them all.



Can anyone suggest a caption, I'm laughing too hard ?

Bored ? Here are a number of things do with your penis, Eiffel Tower anyone ? Worksafe - what the hell do you think ?

The Golden Age Of Grotesque - Marilyn Manson *****



Heavy metals arch nutter roars back with his fifth studio album. There has been a lot of whining in the music press about Holywood, its poor sales and anti commercial direction, well, regulars will know that I don't really give a stuff for mainstream/commercial rock, indeed there is a special buzz from knowing that only you and six other people bought a particular album. That said, Golden Age is as bouncy, poppy and singalong as Herr Dokter Manson ever gets.

There are seventeen tracks on the UK album version, well, fourteen if you discount the opening and closing spooky noises bits and Tainted Love. If it is commercial Manson you are looking for, this album certainly harks back to the slightly more mainstream rock of Mechanical Animals, tracks like Dull Dagga Buzz Buzz Ziggety Zag and Ka-Boom Ka-Boom have nice, infectious hooks with bouncy drum beats. There are plenty of mass audience participation swear 'n shout tracks, Use Your Fist And Not Your Mouth, Vodevil and (s)Aint.

Para-Noir is a half spoken word, half screeched piece that comes over like the darker, uglier cousin of the dating song from Pandora's Box (anyone except me remember that?) Lyrically, Manson has made many claims about the direction of this album and its influences, but to be honest, it's mostly the same old same old, plenty of f words, digs at the church and God, sex, rock and roll and, er, no drugs references actually, is Brian slowing down in his old age?

Although it has become apparent in recent interviews that Mazza's head is now so firmly up his own backside that he is in danger of vanishing from sight, I hope he can manage another album or two, on this form it would be well worth it, and rock needs some complete nutters, when the scene is still swamped by piss poor second rate artists like Linkin Park ('Hey, let's record the first album again and re-issue it, twice!'), Papa Roach ('Lets record a really crap second album"), Good Charlotte (you are not punk, you are pop, please fuck off) and New Found Glory (you are not punk, please fuck off faster), and don't even get me started on Busted, we need some totally left field, mondo bizarro nutjobs to keep the balance.

I'm getting a lot of hits for the phrase "Dale Wintons Wedding", now, I have never, ever, written anything concerning the likelihood of arch daytime tv poofter Dale getting hitched. I mean, who would marry him ? Elton John ? Greame Norton ? Marilyn Manson ?

Do pop over to Prime in the links, look for the Quintillion Pennies project, just the sort of thing the interweb should be used for, the million holstein cows is also passingly amusing.

And the rains came down, there are only two people on the golf course, and they are getting very wet. Yesterday evening (Sunday) I went for a little stroll in Owler Park Wood, this wood adjoins the golf course, part of it is owned by the club and part of it is privately owned, and it is fantastic.

Obviously the most Easterly part of the wood, closest to the clubhouse, sees human visitors only very rarely. There are no paths made by human foot, only winding tracks made by deer. I didn't manage to see any deer, but I did startle a goodly number of rabbits and pheasants. The woods are truly wild, dense scrub and very wet underfoot, further in some work has been done on clearing the scrub, cutting down some of the trees to allow new trees to grow. This has resulted in fields of bluebells turning the woodland floor into an an azure sea, fantastic.

I think there is something deeply primal about forests, I love being alone amongst trees, even more than I enjoy the solitude of the high moors along the Pennines. Woods feel old, you can quickly shut yourself away from the world amongst the trunks and boughs.
I'm not going to go into the wood very often, unless it is by the proper path at the upper edge, it's nice to think that there are a few places, close at hand, where the natural world can live unhampered by man. Mind you, our resident pheasant seems to think that the 18th fairway is his personal front lawn so he can hardly complain if a noisy, bearded chap comes crashing through his forest abode once in a while.

And you were thinking all roads lead to Rome, me too.

A question, for the boys that is. Or the gay girls. You're at home early on a Saturday evening and there are three knocks at the door, you answer, and are mildly surprised (unless you are Sedge, who gets this kind of attention all the time) to find Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox and Lisa Kudrow on your doorstep, and they're all gagging for it. But...........you can only pick one of the luscious girlies, so which one and why ?

Ladies and poofs, feel free to substitute Matthew Perry, Matt LeBlanc and, er, the other one.

"Don't worry Mr Yorkshiresoul, I am a fully trained professional, we will have those giblets removed in no time"

Why is it that it is only after you fire them that you find out about the convictions for theft/burglary/genocide, oh well, I might as well do the Friday Five again.



1. What drinking water do you prefer -- tap, bottle, purifier, etc.? Tap. Although I quite like the Gently Sparkling Spring Water With A Hint of Lemon from Tesco, 3 for £1.50, hang on though, isn't that Lemonade under another name ?

2. What are your favourite flavor of chips? Eh ? It must be explained that the writer of the questions is a Yank, and thus does not understand what chips are. My favourite flavour of chip is of course, potato, fried in dripping, with salt and vinegar (and a special with mushy peas on the side).

3. Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most? Roast Rib of English Beef with Yorkshire Puddings, gravy made from the juices, crispy roast potatoes, mange tout, carrots and creamed savoy cabbage. Plenty of salt on the fat of the beef so it goes nice and crispy, and it must be pink, preferably still twitching.

4. How do you have your eggs? Unfertilised thank you. (Rescued from the Home For Old Jokes)

5. Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out? Mario at Mario's House of Kebabs, it was a full on mixed special kebab with chilli sauce and garlic butter, approx 1 lamb / 2 chickens / half a cow served in dinner plate sized pitta with chips and giant mixed salad, it turned out very well but I was unable to move for three hours afterwards.

It's possibly not entirely worksafe, it is bizarre and wonderful, it's Britney Spears vs. Christina Aguilera.

It's yet another must have fashion item.

Also, have I posted these scarves before ?

Oh dear, expect fewer posts over the next couple of weeks, I had to fire idiot trainee chef yesterday so now I get to do all the work myself. 48 blokes for breakfast by myself on Friday should be good fun, not.



At least I still have a few more of these baffling South African road signs to put up.

Well at least they warn you, unlike the electricity pylon I posted last week.

Cabernet sauvignon-Tempranillo Crianza '98, Palacio De La Vega, DO Navarra, Spain
Palacio is amongst my favourite Spanish wine producers, along with Pesquera, Raimat, Julian Chivite and Torres. This is a great wine for the price (currently about £6 at Tesco), a deep colour turning slightly brick red, nice nose, slightly dry and restrained but still enough fruit to make it interesting, and a nice length of finish. Some modern Spanish wines are going the American route and becoming overly oaky, but this Crianza gets the level of wood just about right.

The Mattanza.



This painting by Aligi Sassu shows the ancient Sicilian ritual of the Mattanza (literally 'The Slaughter') taking place. Every year, when the bluefin tuna run from the Atlantic to the Med to spawn, the fishermen drive them in to giant net traps, they are herded further and further inshore, into the very harbour itself. There every boat is crewed, the men armed with billhooks spear the fish and pull them thrashing from the water, as the Mattanza continues the sea turns red with blood.

The work is highly dangerous, a full grown bluefin tuna is 3/4 of a ton of muscle with sharp extrusions along its upper edge, injuries are commonplace. A good Mattanza may result in 400 or so tuna being caught for the community, it is a mainstay of the economy, the money made on this one day will feed the fishermens families for over half the year. In addition, the festival brings tourists and gourmands to the island.

This year the traps were set, the boats drove in to the harbour, and nothing happened. Out in the Atlantic, vast Japanese factory ships work non stop, using modern sonar detection to spot the tuna shoals they sweep the ocean clean of fish. Here is mankind at its most stupid, the Japanese will of course deny that they are destroying world tuna stocks, but this is the same nation that still kills whales for scientific research ('in order to discover how many of them are pregnant' was one amazing justification).

Maybe Greenpeace could invest in a submarine and torpedo the buggers. This article was based on a piece in The Times by Robert Owen, enter Mattanza in the Times searchbox to find the article.

Again, Africa has me at a loss for words.

Desert Island Disks

So you're stranded on a desert island, and you get just ten records to play until then end of time, in no particular order here are my ten..........

Muse - Origin Of Symmetry
Queensryche - Operation Mindcrime
Wildhearts - Earth Vs The Wildhearts
Marilyn Manson - Holywood
AC/DC - Back In Black
Rammstein - Mutter
Megadeth - So Far, So Good, So What
Marillion - Fugazi
Pink Floyd - The Wall
Status Quo - 12 Gold Bars

I think I've sort of cheated on the last one by including a greatest hits album, and a lifetime without Iron Maiden, Magnum, Faith No More, Therapy, SOAD and a host of others will be a little poor. On the upside, at least I'll never have to listen to the Foo Fighters ever again. As you can see, my island will not be a place of quiet contemplation, it will be, as in the Jethro Tull album title.......Rock Island.

No kidding! It looks a little like the crossing to Lindisfarne, is you're like me, you will have driven across to the island, misread the tide sheet, and had to come back across at 70mph dodging shoals of fish and fishing boats.

The Forge In The Forest - Michael Scott Rohan ***
Part two of the Winter of the World series. Rohan really needs a better editor, paragraphs that take up a page and a half can tax the concentration of even the keenest reader. As far as the story goes, Elof and company go on a trek across the continent to find allies in their war against the ice, wander through a large forest, become ensnared by a misguided arboreal power, battle some stuff, find a forgotten city, wield a sword of power.

It's quite good, better (and more gritty) than a lot of fantasy, I enjoyed the forest trek and the raft ride sections, and the building of the forest forge leading to the exposure of the forest power was interesting, but it never quite makes it to compulsive reading. Strangely, Rohan provides an appendix in which he methodically states the factual basis for all of the animals in the book, where they lived and in what time period they existed, but in a world where people can shape change at will, and dragons and kraken exist, why bother telling me that giant ground sloths lived in the protozoic era ?

Schloss Schonborn Riesling Kabinett '97, Rhiengau, Germany (16)
I have bought a case of mixed German Rieslings, just to expand my knowledge of wine really. This is a very low abv at 10% as the whole case seems to be, medium sweet, very light and easy to drink. I have quite enjoyed the Rieslings I have tasted so far, but would prefer any of them as a pre dinner drink rather than a with dinner wine.

Scoring, for some reason I have picked up the 10-20 scoring system where 10 = vinegar (or beaujolais nouveau as it is more commonly known) and 20 = bottled liquid heaven (or Chateau Musar '91).

There's just no arguing with that, keep tuning in folks, I've got a hefty backlog of keraazy African pics to upload.

A bit tired, I worked an 18 hour shift yesterday, and have just been rudely awakened by the burglar alarm. No burglars though, as with all alarm systems, they just like to go off at random intervals to remind you they are there. It has been a good busy week, we have hosted the Old Oundelians ( from Oundle School I presume), Bradford and Airedale British Medical Association, a few private parties and yesterday a large party from the Ilkley Lawn Tennis and Squash Club.

I've decided, that unlike blog stars such as Anja, I can't run more than one blog, I never get round to updating Drink More Wine and had to knock Abuse Yorkshiresoul on the head some time ago, so, I'm going to incorporate both efforts here on the main blog. At least it will give me some material when I'm brain dead from serving hundreds of bacon butties. Also, I get quite a few hits from wines mentioned in the Ysoul Has Imbibed sidebar, so folks searching for those wines will at least be able to read a review of them.

Quick, get over to Iamadonut for the best Iraqi Information Minister joke I've seen so far, may not make sense to Americans or other ill educated rabble.

The adult literacy course had only got as far as GO.

Yes folks, it's more kerrazy Africans, this wouldn't be so bad if they didn't use the same method to paint 20 story buildings. The man doing the painting used to be 5'4", after 14 years of this he's now 6'3".

A picture of Angelina Jolie's pussy, no really.

You can just see some council jobsworth aying "Well, this is what it says on my plan, so this is where is goes"

Who remembers the old XXXX advert ? Looks like you've overdone it on the sherry.

Time and Mortality
I'm having a few hours off, moping and sulking. When I was younger I was indestructible, immortal, now it would appear that I am not. I have always had a bit of a back problem, but in the past I've managed to mostly ignore it, after all, it's only cost me about two days off work in ten years, so not worth worrying about. Last year however, it bothered me all year, and in the strangest way.

After a few hours at work I start to get pain, not in my back, but in my right leg, all the way down to the heel. I do some exercises provided by my physio, and these help a to a degree, but on long days (and I'm a chef remember, we're the types who say "16 hour shifts, what of them" and "Lunch breaks are for southerners") it won't go away with exercise or drugs. So I am annoyed that, at the age of 35, some bits of me don't function quite as well as they used to.

I am never ill. Period. I don't get colds beyond a mere sniffle, I never get flu. I put this down to red wine and a positive mental attitude, however, my PMA is being worn down because for the second time in about a year I've got a bladder infection. I know my doctor is giving good advice when she says drink lots of fluid, it's just that when it feels like pissing acid, lots of pissing is that last thing you want to be doing. Even worse, the clinic can't process my sample until Thursday, so I've got to suffer until then.

You might have searched for them on Google, MSN or Yahoo, and somehow they have directed you to my site, but the following items are not available on Yorkshire Soul..........

Mongolian Girls sex porno
Really sick and vile films
Robert Mugabes wedding photo album
Pictures of tatu naked (although there is a wet t-shirt shot in the archives)
Duct tape bondage pictures (hold on, I think I might have featured this one a while ago)
Michelle Trachtenbergs pet kitten (although this isn't quite how it appears in the search log!)
Kennel Jazzing (and what the hell is this exactly?)

Friday Five (again)

1. Name one song you hate to admit you like. Well, despite my love of raucous guitar music, I've also got a soft spot for Geordie boys Lindisfarne, so I'll plump for Marshall Riley's Army.

2. Name two songs that always make you cry. Anything by Steps or S Club 7.

3. Name three songs that turn you on. Darling Nikki - Prince, The Lemon Song - Led Zeppelin, Julie the Schooly - the Macc Lads, wait, I've thought of another one, Giving The Dog A Bone - AC/DC.

4. Name four songs that always make you feel good. I'm actually working on a list like this for a future blog entry, but for now, how about....
Motherfucker From Hell - The Datsuns
Caffiene Bomb - The Wildhearts
Just A Gigolo - Dave Lee Roth
Special Brew - Bad Manners

5. Name five songs you couldn't ever do without.
Grendel - Marillion
Revolution Calling - Queensryche
Wake Up Dead - Megadeth
There Ain't Half Been Some Clever Bastards - Ian Dury and the Blockheads
Happiness Is A Warm Gun - The Beatles

And if we had played like that all season we'd be in the Champions League instead of only just avoiding relegation. I must say that I had no hope of even gaining a point away to the Goons, but well done the Whites, now maybe some of you will consider staying (Robinson - Viduka), some of you can consider buggering off ( Kewell - Okon) and everyone can consider working a lot harder next season.

Out of his tiny mind on bullshit...............Jarno Trulli. Trulli, star of the worlds dullest/most corrupt 'sport', was talking about a problem he had faced during practice.

"We have a special little device in the cockpit that tells us how fast we are going, and on my car it wasn't working"

It's called a speedometer Jarno, you dullard.

Who took part in the national IQ test last night then ? Get your scores in the shout out box, unless you scored under 70 that is, and then you probably won't be able to open the box. I can make snotty comments like that as I scored a fairly impressive 59/70 equating to an IQ of 123, or 13 points above the upper level of the national average. I fully expect blogging geniuses such as Kennamatic's Dave and Minddumps Dreamer to have done considerably better.

Even better, I beat Matthew Pinsent and came just behind my heroine Paula Radcliffe. A number of things were mentioned that might be good for the brain, exercise - I could row for England, red wine - I could drink for England, if they add heavy metal and curry to the good for the brain list I'll become an intellectual giant!

That was a busy week, hopefully today will be nice and quiet, I might take a few hours off and go to Ilkley Carnival, win a goldfish and make myself ill on the rides. Last week we hosted all sorts of people, a party from Southport who come annually, British Rail Golf Society, Thirsk & Northallerton Golf Club (who were heavily defeated in our opening league match), Leeds Prison Officers (splendid bunch of lads), the Co-Optomists, Ben Rhydding Lodge, Royal Lytham Golf Club (who held their own in an extended bout of furious Rioja drinking) and lastly the junior team of Ripon Golf Club who were beaten by the Ilkley junior team.

I heard a fantastic programme on R5live the other night, it's subject was boxing trainer Brendan Ingle and his inspirational work with young people in Sheffield. In his gym Ingle teaches fitness and boxing, and throws in social skills and citizenship. He called a youth over during the interview and said "Boxing is the only sport that can legally what ?"

"It can legally kill you," replied the boy. Did he understand this, or was he just replying by rote ? Further questions seemed to show that he fully understood the risks, but as he said, if he wasn't training and boxing, he would be out drinking, smoking, taking drugs and causing bother as many of his peers did. The boxing gave him something to strive for in an otherwise directionless life. The boy was asked what he had been doing in training that day, litter picking in the surrounding area was the reply, other boys had tended the gardens at local old folks homes. Brendan Ingle, all round great bloke then.

Directly following this programme was one about basketball player John Amaechi, a Brit who plays in the USA. Unlike many sportsmen, and 99% of footballers, John is quite bright, very bright in fact, he's got a PHD (proper mind you, none of this honorary crap) and would rather be working as a child psychologist than playing basketball.

A high point came when his basketball demanded to know if the sport was the be all and end all for him, no he replied, it was just his job, but as the club paid him very well he would work very hard for them, nice one. He also does a pile of free work with children, both in the states and in the UK each summer, good lad.