I have just checked my hotmail inbox, which is suffering from the usual heap of stuff that YSoul readers sign me up to without my knowledge (i.e. unusual porn sites, online dating agencies and this week we have newsletters from Paris art galleries, thanks guys), to find a Tatu discussion raging. Dr P is threatening not to read my site again unless I, er, well lets just have Dr P explain himself............ "Dear Mr YorkshireSoul, It has recently come to my attention that you have been spuriously promising your vast (sorry, middle-aged-spreadlike) readership pictures of young dolly songbirds in a state of total undress. I refer of course to the tantalising semiclad teaser pics of Russian pseudolesbians TATU ("tatus? what's tatus preciousssssss?") and the elfin April Ravine. It's got to stop. Seriously. I also object most heartily to any notion that we, the aforementioned readership, would in any way surf the Internet in a "one handed" manner. That's a disgraceful slur. Typical of a Yorkshireman. You might have "won" the battles 8-5 but who won the war eh? Eh? I am now instigating a boycott of your site. There will be marches up and down the Riddermark, not to mention Bacup. The natives will be stirred from their apathetic YorkshireSoul perusing and will strike you down with a fiery vengeance (possibly replacing your fine cuisine with Royales with Cheese). Nothing will tempt me back to YS for at least the next 24 hours. And that's a promise. And another thing. If it was Don's Amazing Puzzle, how come Dave wrote it? Yours in a state of undress, Dr P" Regular reader Andy W responds with this............ "Did you know that Tatu is the Paraguayan name for the Armadillo? So whats this 'we are russian' mallarky???? " Now I'm of the opinion that anyone managing to find a Paraguayan translation for Tatu is not doing enough work, and Dr. P agrees......... "It's you isn't it, Andy W, you're the one handed surfer! I knew there was a reason why you weren't mentioned in the Cheryl/YS/Patrick/John/Candice menage a cinq ... And where's Arwen? Dr P" Where is Arwen indeed, you see what you have to put up with running a website, it's not all champagne and hot serving wenches you know.