England to win The Ashes, oh yes, I have determined that England will crush Australia in this winters Ashes series, why will we win ? Well, it is all down to Vegemite vs. Marmite. Now, whilst both are tasty savoury spreads derived from yeast, there is a world of difference in the taste. In a Taste-E-Meter taste test the rather benign Australian Vegemite rated only a 5, or about equal to mature cheddar cheese, chorizo sausage and raw onion. When the mighty British Marmite was fed into the Taste-E-Meter the machine rejected the sample four times before registering a 9.2, or about equal to mature Stilton, raw Scotch Bonnet chillies and neat petrol. In further tests English cricketers fed Vegemite were forced to spread it an inch thick on their toast, when Ozzy batsman Mark Waugh was faced with 'My Mate Marmite' he started to cry for his mummy. There is one dark cloud on the horizon though, amongst the Australians a man has arisen, a dark and twisted man, a man of rare and evil genius, a man with the knowledge and malice aforethought to create this malevolent creation............. A Vegemite Milkshake, oh the horror of it. Fight back dear Brits, tell them how We Love Marmite, tell them everything we know about beloved Marmite, and never, never, ever mention the vile and low sect that have broken from the true faith and have declared that they hate Marmite. Finally, there is no link to the foul spawn that is Bovril, for verily shall they place a wav. file onto your PC that will play a fucking annoying song, seemingly without end, until your machine is rebooted, bastards.